Wow... What a Story, sent you a little something, on behalf of myself ( I don't have much, but the chickens are special to me.)
I hope you get everything you're questing for darling. heart
Posted: Sat Sep 04, 2010 12:08 pm
It's amazing how animals can touch us so deeply.
My story begins when I was about 5 years old (I think). My mother's friend at the time noticed a kitten crossing a very busy street in our town repeatedly and since he was afraid it would get hit by a car he rescued it and gave it to my mom. Now I don't believe my mom was thrilled at this development but took the kitten home with her that day. Being as it was so long ago I can't remember my reaction but my Mom basically let the kitten outside fully expecting it to run off and never come back. That lasted for about 2 days. My sister sneaked a bowl full of milk outside and I guess the kitten must have found it. For it returned to the house and we now had a pet to call our own.
Our Killer (for that was what he was called) was a sucker for attention. He was also a wimp. But he was always there when you needed some TLC. A plain ordinary tabby cat with grey/black/white stripes ... he was everything that three kids could be happy with. My mom must have loved him too because we always spoiled him.
In 2000 though (perhaps a little earlier than that) Killer's health took a turn for the worse. He was old (about 14) and began showing signs that perhaps he wouldn't be around much longer. He was walking strangely and had lost considerable weight. The night of July 4th my mom made a little "nest" for Killer on her bed and the next morning he was gone. It was a double-whammy for me because since it happened overnight I wasn't there in the final moments and also earlier on in the evening I had received word that my step-grandma had passed away from a heart attack.
We didn't even get to grieve properly for Killer as we left to be at my grandpa's side in his time of need. Our neighbors apparently buried Killer for us ... but I don't even know where he lies.
You made me cry darling. Here I'll share a story with you about dogs and loyalty
I was 5 years old when my mother brought a golden retriever pup through the front door and plopped him, sleeping, into my fathers lap. She declared him "Olieo" and that was that. He was ours now. I realize after being older that they'd planned this for weeks...months...finding the breeder...haggling the price...managing the pick of the litter. I learned later that by some means Olie had been free. But it didn't matter. That dog had always been meant to be ours. Part of our family. Part of us.
As he grew he was destructive and clumsy but we taught him good and he learned quick. He wanted to please and he was smart. He swam like a duck, could play fetch for three days straight and never ever missed a beat. He was always there when you needed him. Always. Even when you thought you didn't.
I can still see that dumb dog shoving his face in my hands or lap when I cried. I've always been a cry baby. But Ollie didn't care. He was always there.
We grew up together. I went though school and Ollie was home, watching mom, razzing dad, whatever he felt like. But he was a good dog. Sometimes you'd swear he knew what you were thinking. What you were saying. What you wanted from him. He was a mischievous snot but he was also our Olieo. There's nothing that could replace that dog.
He lived to 15. Even a few months before we had to put him down he was out running and romping with the neighbors 2 years old husky. That dog never quit. Or tried not to. I was in high school when he began ailing. It started slowly. Sleeping more. But he was still Olieo. Still ready for the rough and tumble. Still ready to be there. Till one day he didn't come when called. He always came when called. We found him trying to drag himself out. His legs had given. There was cancer there we learned. There was no way to save him.
To look after my two younger brothers I couldn't be at the vet when my best friend was put down. But I know the story. Ollie lay there in my mothers arms. Dad stood in a corner. I like to think he knew what was going to happen. When the shot was injected he looked directly into my mothers eyes and howled "I love you." like he'd been taught to do. Or maybe not, maybe like he wanted to do. A part of him was always almost human.
The doctors say animals don't feel any pain. I think they may be right. But I hope Ollie wasn't feeling any pain then he was saying goodbye and already missing us.
It's been years. But I still miss that dog. I'm crying like a baby now even...
Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 7:49 am
Kai sounds like she was such a wonderful companion. It's always tough to lose a pet but don't get caught up in the 'bad'. Always remember the good times and know that she had a great life and you were able to share it.
One thing I've learned through the years of owning/being around pets is that they can never be replaced and there is always a reason why you get them and not some other pet.
It's funny too...lately I've been thinking about my past pets and their stories and here I stumble upon your memorial thread. Which is very well done by the way!
I plan on questing for customs of my real life pets (past and present). And actually I have 2 so far that I have; Vienna and Mikki.
I'm actually working on creating a collection of memoirs online and as a scrapbook in real life. It's really a good idea to write all the stories down so you won't forget.
I would love to add all my stories but I'll just share this one:
It's February and Valentine's day is coming up. Over a year had passed since I lost Butterfly, my first rat and an amazing pet. And two years since Vienna, another rat and sweetheart. I missed having rats and the feeling just deepened each time I went to the pet store for my mouse's food. I am not a one pet person.
So I kept asking, kept asking and bugging my boyfriend about it. I told him it could be my valentine's present...and since we weren't going to be able to spend the actual day together...it helped to persuade him.
On February 11th we went to Petco to get me a rat and some mice and all of the necessities. I figured why not here, I got two of my mice, Butterfly and adopted Vienna from here. Stupid me... But each time we had visited I always saw the same lonely large male rat trying to stay as hidden as possible in his igloo. I decided that if he was here this time, he was coming home with me. He was there!
I took it slow with handling my new rat (he was unnamed for a few days). He was a creamish color with striking red eyes. As soon as I saw them I thought 'bunnicula'. Anyways with time I find that he's a big ol' softie and loves to be pet. I named him Doby after an OC of mine, it just fit well with his personality.
It soon became clear that Doby had some problems. He's mostly blind but in the right light he can see shadows - which makes him skittish sometimes. He also has a skin problem, so he has dandruff and the occasional bath curbs that. Actually it wasn't until his first bath that I realized he really was white! *hates Petco a little more* x.x
We bought a large mice cage and chose 6 mice. My boyfriend and our son chose the first 4 and then I chose the final two, Fekete and Mini Moo. I was utterly ecstatic and bouncing off the walls. The mice were wonderful and I had them all crawling on me at once, I wish I had a picture now. XD
I quickly named the girls. Fekete was all black except for her fingertips, making it look as though she were wearing gloves. Her name means black in Hungarian, and is named after a punky OC of mine. Mini Moo looked like a mini cow, with black and white splotches. Baby is grey and black and the smallest (still is). Rocket is grey with just a bit of black behind her right ear and at the base of her tail, and fits her name to a tee - so much energy! Twix was white with honey and dark grey markings splotched all over with brown/grey ears. She was a bit quirky. Then Sneak was named last. She looked almost exactly like Twix but just white and grey. We had been debating for a while as to what to call her, and 'Sneak' was an idea but not really a favorite until she had sneaked her way into my boyfriend's shirt while we were talking. It was settled after that. X3
Things were good for a short while. I noticed that Twix was losing a little weight, so thinking that it was just the other mice keeping her away from the food I took her out separately and let her get her own share of food and water. Alrighty things seemed to improve. Then I got busy and wasn't able to check them as regularly... Now not much time has passed and I check on my girls. I can't find Twix. I lift the igloo up and finally spot her underneath her sisters. They meant well but unfortunately had squished her up to the side. She was in poor condition. I immediately start giving her water, food and warmth - and keep her separate from the others.
The next day I go in to the vet and he tells me it doesn't look good but gives her a shot. He believed it was neurlogical. Oh boy did she fought despite the paralysis to her legs - she did her best to keep eating and drinking. One of my fond memories of her is holding her wrapped up in my shirt while I played my trial version of WoW. X3;
Unfortunately, her time was limited. She passed away in my hand exactly 15 days from when I got her, the exact time her 'warranty' lasted. But there was no way I was going back there to get a refund of what $3? She was worth more than that.
Sadly it didn't end there... Mikki, another mouse housed separately from the others, passed away exactly one month later in March. Thankfully, Mikki - despite her health problems - was over 2 years old...it helped ease the pain.
Then the day after Easter, Fekete suddenly passed away. The only sign she might have been sick was her sneezing and and some scratching at her muzzle. I initialing assumed it was just allergies since it only affected her, and I was in the process of trying to eliminate what the source could have been... I had taken her to the vet but he couldn't find anything wrong and told me if she started 'wheezing' then to bring her back. She never did wheeze... (Oh interestingly, her sisters had covered her with pieces of paper towel and were careful to not step on her. I definitely believe animals care and understand more than some people think.)
A few weeks later, I notice one of the other girls sneeze a bit more than normal. It wasn't enough to be alarmed but I was already on edge after losing 3 of my pets. I took them into the vet, which is extremely knowledgeable on rodents and had treated all of my other pets so I trust his expertise, and explained what happened. He checked their lungs, perfect. He couldn't tell me what they had but gave me some antibiotics and told me if the others show symptoms to give it to them. Well of course they all start showing symptoms...
So I enlist the help of my boyfriend and mother for the meds. Not a big deal. I'm a pro at giving meds to pets, and especially mice. We discovered that Mini Moo bit whenever we gave her meds so we had to use the 'towel'. And one time Rocket escaped the cage and went running around under the couch. One of the most stressful nights of my life...though it was funny watching her trying to smell the rabbit's butt without getting noticed.
The 4 mice all get better and everything is good for now. Though Sneak injured her back legs through an accident with the wheel, but with rest she healed quickly. She did have a bit of a limp that never quite disappeared.
Then about October, while holding Mini Moo I felt this large lump on her neck. I already knew it was lymphoma but I took her to the vet anyways. He confirmed my worries and said it was best to let her live her life out. Well we got about two weeks together. And the night before she passed away, I had been up too late should have been in bed but I had this feeling that I should be with her. So I spent nearly an hour holding her and cleaning her up a bit. The next day she had passed.
Sneak was very close to Mini Moo, and losing her seemed to really affect her. Mini Moo got along with everyone and now she was gone. Sneak got sick and developed a wheeze. I had my boyfriend take her into the vet because I wasn't feeling very well and I get a phone call. He tells me the vet wants to put her down. I get upset, I wasnt ready to hear that. Then an idea pops into my head and I ask if the vet means Mini Moo. The two look similar and well he didn't know she'd already passed. So we quickly fix the mix up and he decides to give Sneak a shot of antibiotics.
I'm on the phone waiting and I suddenly get this awful feeling just as my boyfriend comes back onto the phone. He tells me 'I'm sorry honey...she didn't make it." I burst into tears as he explained. The vet had given her the shot but apparently she couldn't handle it. I was devastated.
So my girls went from 7 to 2 in less than a year. Currently, Baby has a behavioral scratching problem and Rocket has a nueroligical problem where she can't quite stop eating (she is the third mouse that I've had with this condition). Though they may just be small mice, to me they are wonderful amazing companions and their loss is just as great as anyone else's pet.
I guess the moral of my story is that if I had to do this all over again knowing that I would lose them...would I do it? The answer is yes.
Well sorry about the length. I hope that this story helps a bit. And don't be afraid to find a new companion, Kai can never be replaced but you can always add a new pet to your heart.
*toddles off to bed...please excuse the spelling mistakes*
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Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 2:19 am
Gallus - *nuzzles on*
Tefla - ;o; thank you for sharing with me - such a sad story
Roarie - Your Ollie sounds like he was amazing... I'm so glad you had all those years with him... to get to grow up with him <33
Rose - ;o; I can almost see the little mice as you described them. I've had rats before but never mice... To me it sounds like they were really characters too cute/intelligent/sweet.
now swirly is all teary-from readings
Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:14 pm
12-31-10/11
Dear my friend,Swirly
i have no pictures to show,it broke my heart to peices to see that kai died,it was the right thing to do,to put her down.
love, DarkBloodyWolf877
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Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 8:56 pm
awwr thank you wolf <33
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 11:39 pm
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 5:24 am
My poor dog Lucky was 2 when he got put down..I miss him so much!! He died of some unknown condition where his stomach got bigger and bigger till it was swollen with fluid and it was leaking out..His paws swelled up and it was so hard to deal with. He got better though for for about 2 weeks he was normal and i was so glad but that was so short..It came back again and it stayed to the death. I cried so much those days and now i look to the stars when i think of him. RIP Lucky i will never forget you but i bet your flying around now and having a good time with those other angel dogs crying He was a Maltese and my best friend he would always sleep with me my dog now wont do that because they sleep with my parents. There will never be another like him. Someday i will try and get him here he means much to me
Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 12:44 pm
Awwwr <333 Nukido It's so hard to lose a pet but I dunno.. it seems so much harder when they're young... *snuggles*
oh, ive been meanin to mention this, i read your story about your sweet pup, i was really moved by it (I was sitting here trying hard not to bawl my heart out...it would attract attention from parents), Im sorry you lost her so young, but Im glad you had her for the time you did and Im glad she made such a good impact on your life, Im sure she's watching over you and your family from the biggest bestest doggy park ever created. I miss my first dog Dolly, she was a collie that we had gotten from a pet store when I was about 4 or so. She was my very first dog but we soon realized that she had an extremely bad case of worms and what I might now call distemper because while at first she was really nice to me and I loved her to bits, she became nippy and somewhat nasty towards me. I know it wasnt her fault at all and I still love her but we also found out that I had severe allergies to dogs so we had to give her up to a family that could afford to take care of her. I was sad that we had to give her away and ever since then I wanted another dog. I didnt understand when I was that age, why we had to give her up, I also didnt understand why my sweet adorable puppy had suddenly gotten so...mean with me. Just cause she had changed didnt mean I didnt love her any less and I wondered what happened to her, I still wonder and I wonder if she had a good life. I know now that she was a puppy mill dog and that had to be hard on her. She's probably passed on by now and Im partially thankful for that, so that she doesnt have to suffer from any sort of problems her breeding caused. Im sure she's watching over me now and Im sure she guided me to the dog that changed my life nearly 15 years after I had her. I think she might be one of my guardian angels now, along with my grandma, just like your Kai Lark is for you. I bet Dolly and Kai are even friends. Oh god, Im tearing up a bit *laughs softly*. You never forget your first dog.
Every year after the one we had to give Dolly away, I wanted a new dog, and I always asked for one for my birthday and xmas. I never got one, because of allergies. That went on for nearly 15 years. Then we moved out here to Albuquerque, NM and then into this house, we lived here about a half a year and I had just broken up with my first boyfriend. We had a yard and my dog allergy was pretty much gone. My parents finally decided "You clean up the boxes in your room, and we'll go find you a dog." I was...extatic, elated, excited, spaztastic, bouncing off the walls. I cleaned up my room in a weekend and the very next one we started going to the shelters. It took a couple weeks but finally, on a misting, cloudy day, we found this adorable little mutt puppy, who was absolutely terrified and huddling in the back of a kennel. I didnt see her at first, I saw the pup next to her. But Mom and Dad saw her, she came up to them at the front of the kennel and sniffed em and i looked at her and smiled, she was adorable, she looked absolutely terrified. We got one of the staff to get her out of the kennel (to which the pup nearly got the lady) and we went outside to the lil covered meeting area) and we sat with her and she just kept running around the edge of the enclosure trying to find a way out. I kept trying to get her attention but...she was to scared. She was even more scared of Dad and Ken (my bro) and we found out she had just been picked up off the streets the day before, and she was a corgi mix, so she was exactly the kind of pup we were looking for. I had been wanting a corgi for a while and she was perfect. Anyway, she was terrified of dad and ken and we guessed that she had been abused by men (we still think that). We told the staffer that we would take her, but we were told we would have to wait 5 days incase someone owned her and wanted to come claim her. It was the happiest day of my life well...apart from the day we got her. We went and had to say our goodbyes, I told her we would be back soon and she would come home with us then. It was the longest 5 days of my life. I spent that time trying to think of a name. It came to me about two or three days after we picked her, Misty. It was actually the first name that came to me, but I didnt wanna sound cliche. We all picked it, and I chose it because thats how it was the day we found her. Misty. Kenny and I had school the day our parents had to go and sign the paper work and check on her. They said that when they saw her again she was sooooooo happy, she recognized them both and wagged, her what is now famous, whole body. She still wasnt to keen on dad yet but, she liked him a bit more. Before we could pick her up, she had to be spayed and microchipped. So we had to wait another two days to get her. During that day, we went and got her a crate (which she outgrew), a leash (which she chewed through within 2 months), a collar (which she still proudly wears when we go out), some bowls, dog food (we found out quick that she is a VERY picky eater), and all sorts of other supplies including treats. The next day was definetly the happiest day of my life. The entire trip over to the West Side shelter I was bouncing in my seat. An 18 year old bouncing in her seat at the prospect of getting her first dog since she was 4, can you blame me? I think my brother (who was 17 at the time) was bouncing too. I know he said he didnt want a dog (and still says he doesnt want one) but he loves that mutt just as much as the rest of us do. Misty wound her way into all of our hearts.
Sure, she broke loose of her chain in the kitchen, figured out how to climb over the gate that kept her in it, chewed up moms fave sandals, kens shirt, a couple phone cords, several pillows, papers, trash, cake, and all sorts of other things (mostly when she was a puppy during her first few months with us)....but she brought with her unconditional love and laughter, and she is the smartest dog I have ever seen. She taught herself how to tell me to let her out when I was back in my room, she taught herself to sit up, shake, and high five (sorta, i helped), to do so many things and, she learns at least one new thing a year, and not one day goes by, where I dont thank God or..whatever great power there is in the universe, that I have her. I dont know what I'll do when she's gone. I always tell her "You are not allowed to die until I do, you got that fuzzball?" and she looks at me with those big brown eyes goin "I Haz no idea what yous talkin about...but i wuvs you!" and gives me a big kiss cause Im normally right next to her snuggling her when I say it. Im thankful for every day she is with me *tears up again* and Im thankful, that we all have our animal friends, for however long we have them, for however long they are in our lives, our lives are better for it. A part of me believes that we were guided to her by Dolly and if it werent for Dolly, I might not even love dogs as much as I do...I might love cats whee
My Misty Mutt (she was caught of guard)
Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 11:51 pm
I am sorry about our loss...I loss my dog back in 08, so I can relate...Her story had me in tears. I'm glad that you are sharing it, because it does hurt but...talking about it does help .
I wish there was more to say, because nothing really does take away the pain, other then the memories you have with her. She went through a lot with your family, and I know that how Rosie is with me, your girl will always be with you in more then thoughts and pictures. She'll never leave that part of your heart that she dominated over.
Aw. That made me cry, too. Which is amazing in itself. Most things I read don't make me cry that much. Only Eight Below.
I agree. It is harder when they go young. Only three pets stand out in my life. One is still alive. Not certain how old she is, but she's doing pretty well for her age. Somewhere between 11 and 14. Still jumps on the bed and acts like a puppy if you get her going. It will be sad when she finally goes. Feels like she's always been there, even when the first...Eight or so....Years of her life, she lived next door. I used to always take her out with me when I played with friends as a kid. Been here so long, no one knows her age. My mother had a debate about it with her mother-in-law. Neither could agree on a point.
Painful it will be, but I know I'll be able to look back on it and feel happier than I do when I think of my other dog. Because Rosie has had all those years. And Lacey only had one. Animals don't life long anyway. It's just sadder to think that's all she got. One year. Like Kai, she had some kind of cancer in her leg they couldn't cure. I was 12. Too young to care about getting the full details that no one gave me. No one even officially told me until a month later. I knew days after she was taken to the vet she wasn't coming back. So obviously I knew a month later. Don't even know where her body went. All I have is her collar, which I put on my graduation dog on my bed. It actually doesn't hurt as much anymore, but it's comforting having it there. That was 13 years ago.
...Which means Rosie is over 14. She was an adult when Lacey was a puppy. Can't believe I never noticed that before. Truly amazing she's only been showing her age in the past two years in the form of the white face and arthritis sometimes. She has this amusing quirk. Only does it when she thinks/knows she's getting a treat, now. In the past, instead of simply sitting when she had someone's attention, she'd sit pretty. Raising one paw above her head. With her puppy face, it was adorable.
Lacey was a good dog. Similar coloring to a Doberman, with the body of a Foxhound. She'd stay behind me when I did the dishes. Watching and waiting. Accidentally bit me, once, when her toy basket ball was near my arm. Ran off to her kennel and wouldn't come out. Extremely well trained. Had her taught to balance a treat on her nose and not touch it until someone let her. Hated that everyone was afraid of her, because of her coloring. Sweetest thing.
Third pet wasn't a dog. She was a Guinea Pig. We got her not even a year after Lacey was put down. Was my mother's idea. She saw them somewhere and wanted one. Closest pet store is 45 minutes away. We were told a new litter was coming in, so we drove there and poked around the mall while waiting. They were late coming. By the time we were tired of waiting and got up to leave, a man came down the hall with a box in his hands. Inside were two males and a female. One was black, the other literally half black, half white. They stayed in the store for weeks until someone bought them. Could have been months. I don't exactly remember. The female...She was the cutest out of the litter. Brown, dark brown, and white. Her bottom half was the dark brown, top the brown. The white was in a blaze down her face and half of her underside. I got to pick her out. My first memory of her is in a corner of the box, adjacent to her brothers, and digging in the shavings so they flicked back at them. She was also the smallest of the three. Which comes with being a female, I'm sure. I named her Spike, for the hair that stood on her back. After Degrassi, the original series.
What was special about her was her courage. Guinea Pigs are flight animals. While she had the flight instinct if you came towards her while she was on the floor, she seemed to lack it anywhere else. From sniffing a vacuum hose near the cage to nipping a kitten's ear. He was more scared of her than she was of him.
Like Lacey, she followed me on the floor. If she was out roaming, she stayed in a room longer if I was there. And, like Guinea Pigs go, she tested things with her teeth. Once took a chunk out of my hair.
I still feel bad for not taking her into the living room with me while she was dying. Somethings just don't cross your mind, no matter how obvious they are later. She was 8. Old age for a Guinea Pig. Like Rosie, felt like she was there while I grew into myself. Buried her under a tree in my grandparents large yard in the country. In a pretty, flowery box used for one of my mother's dolls. Couldn't even look at her. Still have her cage, despite it saying "Spike" on the side. Plan to use it for the next one I get. She made me love those rodents. Such loving little things. Always licking my face when she was in my arms.
I own one pet each of Rosie and Spike on Gaia, as well. Lack funds for customs, so don't try to get them more actively. Keep trying to honor Lacey by giving her a spot in one of my novels, but it's just not working.
There's my stories. Cut short. Some may die way before their time, but at least we give them as happy a life as we can. I'm sure that matters the most to them, in the end.
Posted: Mon May 20, 2013 10:00 pm
/random... I just re-read this and bawled my eyes out... its like ripping open a wound and then made it worse by reading everyone else's stories again
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Posted: Sun Feb 02, 2014 9:52 pm
I know we're chatting in AIM as I type, but I thought I'd add a piece of myself to this since there's not much else I can offer.
Since I was born, I have always, always loved any sort of animal. If I could cuddle it, the better. I lived with an evil woman, who truly shouldn't have been given custody of a child ever, but I'll explain how this is relevent before I go into that.
When I was 9, two cats at by grandmother's farm had had litters. I thought it was the most exciting thing ever. I loved seeing their tiny little selves crawling about, and wanted to be at the barn 24/7 to watch them, pet them, and the mommas. Unexpectedly when I turned 9, my grammy told I could pick one and take it home me for my birthday. I was ELATED, and so of course I picked the one kitten that was different than all the others. He was the runt, and the only one not solid gray. He was gray and white, with a half pink half black nose. I was so happy to have my very own pet. I didn't get to name him, but he came as "Ittybitty."
I loved my baby so dearly for 8 years. With him I made it through elementary school, middle school, and most of high school. I moved out of my house when I was 17. The woman I mentioned above had become insufferable. Verbally abusive, a constant fight at home, and I couldn't do it anymore. I was miserable and had already been accepted into college, had a full ride scholarship, and was prepared to leave.
Then it hit me like a train that I couldn't take my baby with me. The friends I was staying with couldn't have cats. I cried more over leaving him than I did for anything else. I knew he thoguht I hated him, and there was nothing I could do to make him understand, to understand how much I loved him and how much I wanted to be with him but I just couldn't. It still torments me how he must have felt!
The woman I lived with even said she was going to put him down if I left. I promptly told her she would be next if he was harmed what so ever.
I made it through without him, trying not to think about it, just trying to focus on college, and becoming emotionally healthy again. To this day, I don't know how emotionally healthy I really am, but I've made significant process after getting out of the clutches of the devil incarnate.
In November, I got a phone call from my grandmother. I knew by her tone, something had happened. I figured it was the woman I'd lived with in the hospital again. No. Instead she told me that Ittybitty had died.
No, he didn't die. They had put him down. A week prior to her telling me.
I was numb to it at first. I just stayed silent until she stopped babbling and I got off the phone. A whole week, and they hadn't so much as told me he was sick. I to this day haven't really coped with it. There's nothing I can do or say or try to feel that will ever fix that situation. I can only try to convince myself he passed with out pain, and is happier now.
I hope one day I wont be as angry, or hurt, or guilt ridden.
Swirly, I hope Ittybitty and Kai are playing together somewhere right now, enjoying each others company as much as I enjoy yours.
My "Ittybittybabyboo" (yes, I called him that on the daily.)
I had built a fort for him, and he had knocked it over, to lazy to move the rest of the misc. stuff off him.
He liked to study with me, often.
Playful during my art project, I can't remember what the heck I was doing with all those misc stuff. xD String, birth control, and Star Wars characters?
Sleeping in my school's hoody. emotion_bigheart I just wore that hoody earlier today for the first time in months. /sighs/
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