Welcome to Gaia! ::

-nodnod- I like keeping busy, it helps me not go crazy from idleness..

That might be an idea, dearie.

You're very fortunate.. but 6 is a hard age..

First of all I would like to say how much I appreciate an open discussion in regards to sexual violence and it's lasting effects on all of us either as a victim or someone who loves a person who has been assaulted. This is a topic of conversion that I feel needs to have it's taboo removed from society. If we can talk about it openly we can start to prevent it and also let people who are suffering in silence know that they are not alone and that they are not weird or bad.

My personal story with sexual assault is a long one but I will talk about the one that made me very angry with other women.

I entered a relationship when I was 18 that was not healthy in the least. My boyfriend at the time had cheated on me online (yes I know some people do not count this as cheating but I do and had explained this to him) with a couple of girls.

This should have been the red flag that sent me packing but I had just moved to a new city and felt that I needed him and the relationship. He was very good an manipulating me and I was ripe for the picking. At one point he was staying over at my apartment almost every night.

Let me preface this part with the fact that I am a very heavy sleeper. You can actually get me up and make me walk in my sleep and I will not remember any of it even now. Anyways, I woke up one night to having my legs rearranged as he positioned himself to start having intercourse with me. I freaked out at him. He cried, cajoled and slowly calmed me down. He admitted that he'd been doing this for a while and that he felt he needed to as I didn't "put out" enough to keep him satisfied. So basically it was my fault for not keeping my end of the bargain.

It made sense to me at the time. I wasn't being a good enough girlfriend so I deserved to be used in such a way. Eventually over time this wore away my feelings of self-worth. I felt dirty, trapped and worthless. I ended up gaining a lot of weight and was basically unhappy.

After some time I moved away, back to my family and had a messy break-up with the guy. I was so conflicted and felt like a failure. During the break-up I received an email from his mother explaining to me that there's no way I didn't know that sex was happening at night because she too had a v****a and knows these things. She called me a liar and a whore for calling her son a rapist (even though he admitted that he had raped me technically). She blamed me for trying to paint her son in a bad light.

This made me so angry with her, with other women who make excuses for rapists, including myelf. What's worst is that I never told any of his friends what he did to me so I wasn't even trying to "ruin" him like his mother accused me of.

Truth was I was embarrassed and felt stupid because when I did tell the people I loved they asked me "why didn't you leave?" I could only say "I don't know.". It was an insufficient answer but it was the truth.

Now that have shared my story with more women I have heard similar stories, other women who woke up mid-assault who maybe then wondered "why didn't I wake up if this was happening?" and felt betrayed by their bodies as if it had made them a liar.

My hope is that with open dialogue about sexual violence we can help reach all those stuck in a situation like I was and let them know that it's not their fault and that they are not crazy.

Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories on here. I'm sorry that the events took place but I am proud of you for talking about them, you don't know who might be reading and how you could be saving them. heart

That is definitely similar. :c

Whether or not he realizes it, your boyfriend is violating your personal boundaries, and your trust.

It does not matter that you are in a relationship with him.

If he is turning this issue around to make it seem like you're the bad guy, he might do the same thing with a bigger issue, like sex.

A relationship should be built on love, trust, and respect.

Some of the replies on that thread irk me, honestly.

Yes, accepting to go out with him in the first place was not the best idea, but honestly you are what I'm focusing on right now, not that creep.

You deserve better.

It sounds like he got himself into this, knowing that you don't really feel anything for him, not the other way around.

I'm going out on a limb here, but I smell a possessive user.

He's using your insecurities, sympathetic heart, and lack of relationship experience as a foothold.

He will keep pushing you for intimacy, even though he knows you don't feel comfortable, until he's got you so wrapped up mentally that unfounded guilt could cause you to cave in.

I am speaking from experience, both having been in a relationship like this and having witnessed too many young women feeling pressured by "nice" guys playing the "feel sorry for me" card.

Maybe I'm a bit jaded, but please break it off with him, more for your sake than his!