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 Posted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 8:15 pm
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so much has been happening, but also not much has been happening (lol)
I'm not necessarily happy, but oh well, it's not something I am able to control.
It also doesn't help me that I have been having dreams with E in them lately.
Like last night, I dreamed that he came back again to visit, but this time he wanted to spend time with me and slept over my house. There wasn't much to it (like even though it was a dream we really just slept) but it still gets me.
I don't think I posted about it, but he actually apparently came by like a week and a half ago (ish).
My boss had told me when I got to work, he was just real casual like "oh hey, E was here earlier". Granted he doesn't know anything just thinks we were good friends (as far as I know).
On a happier note I got to spend time with my friends last week. We went to dinner one night, and then the mall a few nights later.
And I got some really cute new clothes at the mall! (not that I have anywhere to wear them to...)
But yeah, I am trying to be more optimistic and to keep myself busy.
And Y comes back for the weekend this week! I am looking foreword to getting to spend some time with her, hopefully it's really fun~ |
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Posted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 8:06 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 02, 2013 8:20 pm
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alright, so it's been a good bit since I last updated this, so there's a bit of ground to cover in this post, and I just feel like I want to get it all out there.
So to start with, my grandfather is doing a great deal better with all things considered. He's actually home now, which is amazing, but he's still very weak. And if it's not one thing there's always another, one of my uncles was in the hospital over Thanksgiving. From what I've heard he seems to be doing a bit better, but overall my family all seems to be having health issues as of late gonk
Work hasn't been so bad. It's been keeping me fairly busy, but not too stressful. I have been overly tired a lot lately, though some of that is my fault since I've been spending more time out with people and also late nights reading!! (I'm trying to put a dent in the stack of books on my bed, and also re-reading things ahhhhhh, books <3 )
On a different and more confusing note, I've been talking to E a bit all this past week. He had come to visit last week around Thanksgiving, only I didn't actually see him. My friend Z had called me up and told me that he wanted to hang out when he was around (that's the only reason that I knew he was in town), and when we had that conversation I said to her that if he wants to hang out with me he should try actually talking to me because I don't want to be the only one trying to make our friendship work, and I told her about how he had stopped talking to me after he moved up until October, and that didn't last even a week. So I guess that after that conversation she just up and told him that I don't want to talk to him anymore or something, because after the seed she planted in my mind, I ended up caving in and talking to him Friday morning, and after a little while of chatting he said to me "I'm glad you're talking to me again, you're a good friend, or I thought so". Which that last part was confusing, but he said I seem like I have been cranky and over-tired lately. (weird since the conversation before that had been like a month prior), but whatever. It's kinda nice to be talking to E again. And he wanted to know if I would hang out with him the next time he comes down to visit. So I probably will.
AND TOMORROW IS HEFFRON DRIVE.
Oh December you are seeming quite kind my friend, lots of promises that I hope you keep!! |
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Posted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 10:06 pm
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HOLY SH*T
wow okay, so tonight. wow. I don't even know were to start, and I no that no one will probably read this, but I really need to write it down (and I know at some point I'll scroll past it one say and omg the wonderful memories that will flood back to me! It'll be great)
So tonight (12/3) was the Heffron Drive concert, and I have been looking foreword to this since before it was even ever a thing really.
So my friends and I drive out to the city and get to the venue a little before 4, which is cool because the VIP stuff was supposed to start at 4:30, but we didn't want to be at the end of the line (we were in the middle, so it was cool). It was really cold waiting out side, and then the line was long, but sssoooooo worth the wait!!
When we finally got into the building (which involved a bag search, ticket check (3x), and a pat down) we got to go buy merch since the meet & greet came with autographs (which was absolutely amazing!!) I bought a poster and a shirt, and to be honest I only thought that they would sign one, but nope, they signed both!!
Meeting them was so incredible. My friends that came with me both went before me, which I guess helped settle my nerves a bit!
So I walk over and Kendall immediately goes to give me a hug, but as he's reaching his arms towards me he stops and leans back a bit to admire my leggings, and just goes "wow those are some great pants!" I thanked him and we hugged,and it was over so fast. And then I was hugging Dustin, and he asked me how I was and I think I said good? But that is clEARLY AND UNDERSTATEMENT, and I asked how he was and he said amazing and we hugged. Then Kendall was like "you stand here in the middle" so we could take the picture and just- ahhhhh my face wasn't thaaaaatttt stupid looking in the picture (I didn't make the beaver face, but that's a story for a different day!).
So then they go to sign my stuff, and I just kinda stood there awkwardly because I didn't know what to do, and at first Kendall just signed my shirt, and then he turned around to give me a second hug and my god I think that was the best hug I may have ever gotten. Like at first it was like normal and then he pulled me even closer and rubbed my back and I didn't even know what was happening but it was amazing!!
then I got my things and went to go wait for the sound check with my friends, which was beautiful wow. I managed to /almost/ catch a guitar pick (I got it off the floor, but yeah) and then I randomly found a second one (I thought I had dropped mine, but lol nope it was a second one so I gave it to one of my friends~~)
Then the opening acts. They were all really good actually, I was pretty surprised to be honest. The first group, called All Now, one of the members had a shirt that promoted shipping himself with one of his band members, it was pretty ******** fantastic.
The Ariana & the Rose. They were amazing, man that girl can sing!! And we met them after the show, they are all so sweet and we took a nice group photo with them.
The third opener was this guy named Eric Dash, wow he's attractive! We got to meet him too and take pictures and get autographs. He wrote "Carolyn, beautiful selfie! you're the best" on mine with a cute little smiley face c:
ahhhhh, it was such a great night, I'm sad that it's over now. (but my feet aren't sad, I wore heels. Heels plus 7 hours of standing wasn't a good idea, oops)
Also, in case someone did just bother to read this and would like to know what Kendall thought my pants were cool, they are shiny/silvery/reflective leggings.
The band Ariana & the Rose really liked them too, when we first approached them one of the guys was like 'wow those are really neat" and then all of them were just look at my legs for a minute and telling me that they were cool pants 4laugh
//ps I'll format this post tomorrow maybe if I remember or feel like it |
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Posted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 11:30 am
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Posted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 12:07 pm
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First off, i think u need a hug o.o emotion_hug Second: I understand how you feel... life is a game unfortunatly. U have to try to keep playing and moving foward, no more stuck spaces or move back spaces for u razz if u work with the guy E i believe, go find another job. So u can move on and u wont keep hurting urself. I have read a good bit of ur posts. U have wonderful friends, male and female. o.o go take some tylonal or motrin sleeping aids, or z-Quil. That helps me to sleep. I used to stay up very late at nite... w/ my quick rant outta the way o.e.... i can connect w/ the guy, it took me a bit to get over my kiss... i wanted to just text him constantly but that wont bring him back. and i think u deserve a better person dear... he seems to push and pull u and thats not fair at all... life doesnt work that way... :/ he is mean.... I can also connect w/ just giving up on everything. I have a lot going on in my life and sometimes it feels overwelling but u need to take things one at a time and start up slowly. I am 18. Turned such on Nov. 22 this year. I dont feel older,i feel younger... like i could stay a kid forever... but u and i both know thats not gunna work out... i have recently just curled in a ball and forgotten everything, played games and talked to ppl i have never met in real life for hours.... it doesnt seem to help at all after awhile... o.o strange how we can go through these things... and not understand them... i wish u luck. keep writing, i like reading ur posts. and would love to talk to u about anything :3 |
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Posted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 7:58 pm
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Posted: Wed Dec 11, 2013 4:08 am
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Posted: Thu Dec 26, 2013 8:05 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 30, 2013 6:27 pm
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 4:15 pm
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Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:28 am
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Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 11:49 am
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 9:04 am
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aww man, I'm posting here again, which if anyone has ever popped in, you can probably guess that means that something is bothering me again....
I'll try to write about positive things too, but I've been really stressed out lately, so it's hard to see the silver lining right now.
so for starters I have actually somewhat applied to college again. Though I have hit a road block a bit. First off I still need a letter of recommendation, and the only person I really have that can do that is my boss, and she doesn't really want to... And then I'm already freaking out about how to finance it. I already know that I can only get subsidized loans through the government, which basically means that I will definitely have to have a job while going to school full time. It's going to be scary.
I've already been applying for scholarships though, so hopefully that goes well, and maybe I can try to get private loans again (which I was unsuccessful with the first time I tried going to school).
All of this just makes me stressed and want to cry, so I try not to think about it (which is actually really bad, my problems are only going to get worse if I ignore them).
Oh! on a more positive note I joined a gym with one of my friends, so that's good. Gotta get our beach bodies ready lol
Then back to something more annoying, my friend Z keeps trying to get me and our friend L together, but L never answers her phone or texts when we try to contact her (except one time when we both tried calling her and she texted Z saying she was too busy but she'd call us later and never did)
Oh man, then we have the fact that E texted me last week saying he'd be around this weekend and wants to hang out, won't that be fun. I'm not sure if it'll actually happen, because every time he comes back he'll ask me in advance to hang out but then that's it (because he never says anything else and I am NOT going out of my way to try and make plans with him).
Also on note of this weekend my friend Y is going to be in town.
Hmmmmm.....
I have trouble finding that the two of them picking the same weekend to be in town a coincidence.
I mean maybe it is.
Or maybe they're going to hook up again. She is single now after all.
That part- rather that idea makes me sick to my stomach. I mean I have gotten to the point where yeah I am content living separate lives from E and trying to to worry about things concerning him. And I don't feel like I need to see him or talk to him anymore, but Y and I are friends, and she knows how I felt about him, and the way he just dropped out of my life and how that hurt me. But I also know she still secretly talks to him and that right there is already like a stab in the back, and hooking up with him again, or even hanging out with him behind my back would definitely be the last straw.
There have already been several times in the past year where I questioned my friendship with Y and if it was worth trying to continue, and I really hope she doesn't give me another reason.
this time around I really hope that I am just being paranoid.
To end this post on a lighter note, this past week was my friend A's birthday and we all go to go hang out at her house and watch movies with cupcakes and cookies to celebrate the occasion. It was nice to get to hang out with my friends (minus a couple who couldn't come). I did feel a bit out of place, and I don't really know why, but I still like getting to see everyone no matter what ♥
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Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 1:31 pm
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Well I've had quite the day.
My weekend was pretty good though at least, so I guess that makes up for the fact that this week is off to a shitty start.
I got to work this morning and the fire alarm was going off. Such a great way to start the day, no one was allowed into the building so I had to wait for almost 45 minutes in the entry way for the okay for everyone to enter again.
Then when I finally could go in the alarm system was messed up so it just randomly went off a couple times.
Today was just exhausting.
Not to mention most of my body is sore from going to the gym both Saturday and Sunday.
Yeah going to the gym is good an all, but I'm still not really used to it yet, and this was the first time I went twice in a row.
Also this weekend I did not see E. He didn't text me, and I felt no need to text him. I also don't think that my friend Y saw him either, but I mean I didn't bring him up at all, so who knows really.
I got to go to the mall Saturday afternoon as well, which was nice. I was already exhausted, but I still had a good time.
I bought a really cute sweatshirt with dinosaurs on it, and a nice pink cardigan for spring!
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