-The Past is History-

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

So, we're ********. We found out that we cannot move anything in until we pay the rent and have the electricity cut on...

Rent is 350 and its 120 dollars to get the electricity cut on: $470

The truck is 121 (not including taxes and fees so maybe 130): 600

Robert's Check: 694 - You would think we'd be in the clear...but NO we have to pay 150 dollar deposit for the truck...our plan was to get the truck and move everything in then take it back to get the deposit back to pay to have the electricity cut on...but now we are tetotally ******** his aunt can't give us the rent to this house till the 3rd because that is when she gets paid but she WON'T give it to us till after Dad moves out (which is the 4th)....

So yea...I give up...there is no point in even trying...even after we pay everything we still won't have enough to pay one loan...no matter how hard we try... we won't even have 5 dollars left after we pay everything else and that is pushing it... and the lady refuses to work with us on it... we thought if we paid it off and got a bigger one it would work but she just won't let us do that and I don't know why...I hate people sometimes...  

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

RainbowPop26

I'm so sorry, hon emotion_hug hopefully something will come up!  

[Digital Fiend]

That really sucks. I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope something comes up, because I really think this would be good for you.  

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

Gigi Deveraux

RainbowPop26

I'm so sorry, hon emotion_hug hopefully something will come up!

Digital Fiend

That really sucks. I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope something comes up, because I really think this would be good for you.

Robert called the guy and he said it will be ok as long as we go on the same day and have it cut on...but even if he hadn't Robert's dad was gonna let us borrow it til we got the truck deposit back.

Robert's dad might not be moving bc the second place they wanted said they needed a credit score of 500+ to live there...but if he doesn't move he and Blissy have agreed to pay us the 350 Melissa would've been...so yay 4laugh we will survive!  

[Digital Fiend]

RainbowPop26

Robert's dad might not be moving bc the second place they wanted said they needed a credit score of 500+ to live there...but if he doesn't move he and Blissy have agreed to pay us the 350 Melissa would've been...so yay 4laugh we will survive!

Heh, that's just awesome possum right there. {Wow, I really just typed that}.

I'm really glad things are working out!  

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

RainbowPop26

Robert's dad might not be moving bc the second place they wanted said they needed a credit score of 500+ to live there...but if he doesn't move he and Blissy have agreed to pay us the 350 Melissa would've been...so yay 4laugh we will survive!

WOOHOO!!

Digital Fiend

Heh, that's just awesome possum right there. {Wow, I really just typed that}.

I'm really glad things are working out!

*SNERK*

Also: I'm glad, too!  

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

Gigi Deveraux

RainbowPop26

Robert's dad might not be moving bc the second place they wanted said they needed a credit score of 500+ to live there...but if he doesn't move he and Blissy have agreed to pay us the 350 Melissa would've been...so yay 4laugh we will survive!

WOOHOO!!

Digital Fiend

Heh, that's just awesome possum right there. {Wow, I really just typed that}.

I'm really glad things are working out!

*SNERK*

Also: I'm glad, too!

Haha thanks you guys I'm glad three rofl

The awesome possum and the snerk together nearly killed me...I can't stop laughing.  

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

Btw Gigi...my dream reminded me of you. I dreamed I fell in love with my brother...which is odd bc I don't have a brother...but I know that's who he was in my dream... I was me....but I wasn't me... no clue what it means o.O  

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

RainbowPop26

Btw Gigi...my dream reminded me of you. I dreamed I fell in love with my brother...which is odd bc I don't have a brother...but I know that's who he was in my dream... I was me....but I wasn't me... no clue what it means o.O

Just a minute!

*rummages through 50 books on dream symbolism and 50,000 on psychology*

Let's see....

*puts on nerdtacular glasses*

Vell, ze most basic symbolism for zis dream ist ze sibling as a reflection of ze self. Perhaps you are seeking some vay ov luffing yourself more?

*quits the cheesy accent* I sound like a Jaegermonster from Girl Genius...

Jung says the Animus is the image of men every woman subconsciously projects onto others (the Anima being the projection of the female image for men). It's also a symbolic representation of traditionally male qualities.

Basically, it sounds like you're working on your self-love (YAY!), and this brother image is a reflection of your self. It could also be wishful thinking, of having someone who really "gets" you on a mental and emotional level.

I think.  

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

Gigi Deveraux

RainbowPop26

Btw Gigi...my dream reminded me of you. I dreamed I fell in love with my brother...which is odd bc I don't have a brother...but I know that's who he was in my dream... I was me....but I wasn't me... no clue what it means o.O

Just a minute!

*rummages through 50 books on dream symbolism and 50,000 on psychology*

Let's see....

*puts on nerdtacular glasses*

Vell, ze most basic symbolism for zis dream ist ze sibling as a reflection of ze self. Perhaps you are seeking some vay ov luffing yourself more?

*quits the cheesy accent* I sound like a Jaegermonster from Girl Genius...

Jung says the Animus is the image of men every woman subconsciously projects onto others (the Anima being the projection of the female image for men). It's also a symbolic representation of traditionally male qualities.

Basically, it sounds like you're working on your self-love (YAY!), and this brother image is a reflection of your self. It could also be wishful thinking, of having someone who really "gets" you on a mental and emotional level.

I think.

Haha you're so awesome.

Yea, maybe that's it. I know when I woke up I felt all empty and sad...like I lost someone great... That happens with every love dream I have.

I've started to realize that Robert is pretty hateful and ignores my feelings 9 times out of 10... I've known for a really long time that our relationship is very unhealthy though...

Oh and I found out that his dad was talking about us behind our backs...he said if we wound up having a kid he would be the one that would have to raise it... I'm really pissed about that... I'll be raising my own children and if Robert and his family can't get with the program they can kindly ******** off. Not that it matters since I don't think I can get pregnant but still... That's beyond the point.  

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

RainbowPop26

Haha you're so awesome.

Yea, maybe that's it. I know when I woke up I felt all empty and sad...like I lost someone great... That happens with every love dream I have.

I've started to realize that Robert is pretty hateful and ignores my feelings 9 times out of 10... I've known for a really long time that our relationship is very unhealthy though...

Oh and I found out that his dad was talking about us behind our backs...he said if we wound up having a kid he would be the one that would have to raise it... I'm really pissed about that... I'll be raising my own children and if Robert and his family can't get with the program they can kindly ******** off. Not that it matters since I don't think I can get pregnant but still... That's beyond the point.

Awww shucks cat_redface

Yes, he is. Old and Creepy Dad is another piece of work. Hopefully you'll find a job soon and can kick all their asses to the curb. emotion_hug  

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

Gigi Deveraux

RainbowPop26

Haha you're so awesome.

Yea, maybe that's it. I know when I woke up I felt all empty and sad...like I lost someone great... That happens with every love dream I have.

I've started to realize that Robert is pretty hateful and ignores my feelings 9 times out of 10... I've known for a really long time that our relationship is very unhealthy though...

Oh and I found out that his dad was talking about us behind our backs...he said if we wound up having a kid he would be the one that would have to raise it... I'm really pissed about that... I'll be raising my own children and if Robert and his family can't get with the program they can kindly ******** off. Not that it matters since I don't think I can get pregnant but still... That's beyond the point.

Awww shucks cat_redface

Yes, he is. Old and Creepy Dad is another piece of work. Hopefully you'll find a job soon and can kick all their asses to the curb. emotion_hug

I'm certainly hoping so emotion_hug thanks hon. I really hope this move brings me better things in life.  

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

So...I've found out more craptastic news...

Dad was trying to get us to move to IL with him and Blissy. Robert told him no we aren't living with Blissy anymore.

I told Debbie...I also told her I think the only reason he is nice to me most of the time is because I have this house.

She told me that when they lived over at their old places (they used to be neighbors) that he told her that when we sell MY house he was getting HIM a house in IL that was going to go in HIS name. The money that was left over was going to go into HIS checking account and the only way we were spending any of it was if we needed something and we would have to ask him first.

(cue insanely angry girl in 3, 2, 1)

OH HELL ******** NO!

When my mom died my uncle wanted to be over everything...he wanted to put it in a "trust" and the only way I could get anything was by asking him. I told him to ******** off...he was a greedy ******** had like 3 houses and a bajillion cars...all he ever wanted was the money...you could tell because he got mad when I got a lawyer...IF I DIDN'T LET MY OWN BLOOD DO THAT KINDA s**t TO ME WHAT MAKES HIM THINK THAT s**t'S GONNA FLY WITH HIM?!?!?!

GRRR, I told Robert and naturally he ******** DEFENDED HIM as usual. He said he would never say that or do that. God, he seriously believes his dad can do nothing wrong. He said it doesn't matter anyway because he likes Lawrenceburg and we won't be selling the house for a long, long time. I told him I don't want to sell it at all and he said "then we won't".

She also told me he said that we can't survive on our own without him. Who freaking moved in with who again? We were doing ok without him anyway we just offered him a chance to get away from Blissy which he ******** up bc she is still living here.

I told Robert I don't understand why he lets his family say s**t about me behind my back...not just my back his too...he told me not to worry bc we won't be around them much longer.

I don't know why he keeps ignoring what Debbie and Charles have to say. They don't have any reason to lie to us. They've known him for YEARS. They just trying to be good friends and look out for us...that's what friends are supposed to do.


Gah...now I'm done ranting....carry on.  

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

So I feel pretty mopey today...this is gonna be a depressing entry...so don't read it if you don't want to read depressing stuff...you've been warned...

There are two songs that remind me of my mom:

The first one is Forgiven by Within Temptation...


I imagine us singing it together in a big music video inside my head...I have no way to get it out except to write it out...since I can't draw... Stuff in italics iS an explanation basically not part of the song.


Me:
Couldn’t save you from the start
Love you so it hurts my soul
Can you forgive me for trying again?
Your silence makes me hold my breath
All the time has passed you by

Mom:
Ooo, for so long I tried to shield you from the world
Ooo, you couldn’t face the freedom on your own
Here I am
Left in silence

Together:
You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done is forgiven
You’ll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done is forgiven

Mom:
I watched the clouds drifting away
Still the sun can’t warm my face
I know it was destined to go wrong
You were looking for the great escape
To chase your demons away
(Because I was always pushing her away always looking for somewhere better to be)

Ooo, for so I long
I tried to shield you from the world
Ooo, you couldn’t face the freedom on your own
Here I am
Left in silence

Together:
You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done is forgiven
You’ll always be mine I know deep inside
All that's done is forgiven

Me: At the foot of her grave crying
I’ve been so lost since you’ve gone
Why not me before you?
Why did fate deceive me?
Everything turned out so wrong
Why did you leave me in silence?

Together:
You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done is forgiven
You’ll always be mine I know deep inside
All that's done is forgiven


The second one is Our Farewell by Within Temptation too...you can guess which parts are me and which parts are mom...I think that one was written for a daughter who lost a mother...

 

[Digital Fiend]

*Hugs* He's going to get a rude awakening if he really expects any money from the house that you're not selling. It's really just a waste of time dwelling on the he said she said business, especially with no proof.

It sucks that Robert won't defend you or side with you. Even if his dad did say those things guess what, just laugh at the fact that it's not going to happen.

I think some people are so good at denial, they wouldn't know the truth if it was their favorite dessert.

I can't wait until you're able to get on your feet again Sweetie, you can do so much better.

Have you ever had a fertility test done if it's something you've thought about yourself? It's actually really hard to get pregnant. Some people just have good {or bad depending on the situation} timing.

I hate waking up from a good dream. I remember before I got pregnant I had a dream about having a baby boy and loving him. Then I woke up and it wasn't true, I was empty all day.

I love Within Temptation. Their songs are so great. I'm sorry you're having such a bad day. I don't know how you feel religiously, and I don't mean to offend if I say something wrong, but I believe she's still around and watching and just wanting you to be happy.

@Gigi: That's awesome, you have a dream symbol book? Sounds like fun! I'll have to start remembering my dreams more often.