Mistakes

[Tarica]

This is the first thing I've ever posted anywhere! Please be kind! It's just the beginning, there's a lot more floating around in my noggin.

Mistakes  

[kittyfox_kumiko]

It's a really good start. I like the multiple perspective thing. The "Bad example" thing made me smile. 3nodding  

[Sayuri-Ryuu]

As it did with me.

I like it! Its quite good. The only thing I'd say is be careful with the multiple perspective thing because I've seen it screwed up a lot. Though you're doing it perfectly. mrgreen

Whens the next bit up?  

[Tarica]

I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up. I haven't had much to to work on it yet because I've been busy writing a lab report.  

[Tarica]

Chapter 2 is up! It's only 600 some odd words, but it felt like the right place to stop.  

[kittyfox_kumiko]

eek Daniel!!!!!  

[Sayuri-Ryuu]

Yikes! Poor Dannyboy! Why do the bad guys always pick on him? emo

I liked it. Jack is completely right.  

[Tarica]

They pick on Danny cause he's fun to pick on... Yeah, I was worried that Jack was going to appear over the top, but so far I think I've got his character and sarcasm down really well.  

[kittyfox_kumiko]

And mass kudos to you for that. I had such a hard time with Jack's character when I wrote for him.  

[Tarica]

Really? I think he's easiest to write for. Maybe it's because I happen to be a horribly sarcastic cynic.  

[kittyfox_kumiko]

Me, too, but it's the phrasing that gets me.  

[Sayuri-Ryuu]

Tarica

They pick on Danny cause he's fun to pick on... Yeah, I was worried that Jack was going to appear over the top, but so far I think I've got his character and sarcasm down really well.

He is, isn't he?

You have got him down well, hes really good.  

[Tarica]

Thank You!

Also, Chapter 3 is up!  

[kittyfox_kumiko]

I have but one thing to say about that second half: Damn!