New Moms - well any parents really :)

[ziyal42]

I'm a new mom and will be returning to work next week the day after my birthday. I am fortunate in many ways, first I was able to take 12 weeks with my son to be home, second I have a supportive husband who can cook (just leaves the kitchen a disaster) and I live in the same city as my mom who will watch my son when I return to work. I'm looking for any advice you can give a new mom about balancing everything when I return. First off I'm a chiropractor so I have 150,000 george washington's telling me I have to return to work otherwise yes I would consider staying home and my husband is not a doctor and cannot make up the income if I did not return. Also an associate doc does not make *that* much when you consider the debt loan - I only say this because I have had people walk up to me and comment that I must make a lot of money, its not true, I work for another doc so he makes all the money wink
My Concerns:
I and *not* a neat person so house work I fear will really suffer.
I fear having time and energy for my husband, I know our marriage will suffer if I neglect him.
Part of me feels sadness for the 'firsts' I may miss in my son's life but I'm so thrilled for what I have seen, he's started babbling.
Being over stressed at home.
Being over stressed at work.

I guess that's my short list but I hope this can open up discussion for new and old moms and even dads who want to chime in.  

[ziyal42]

pd2care

Take everything into consideration, with the money, and find if either of you can stay home with the new baby instead of paying someone else to raise your child. If it's not feasible, then it's not, and there should be no guilt with either of you.
Congratulations on the new life you've brought into this world.

Thanks! My mom will be watching him so we're saving money there and I know she did a great job raising me.  

[Wixandrettas]

Also..

remember that hubby needs to step up to the plate 50% along with you. Not all men, but most men fail to forget that they have an equal responsibility in everything, including changing that diaper.

You could flip-flop the responsibilities around that way everyone has an equal opportunity here. If you cook on Monday and Wednesday, he cleans the dished Monday and Wednesday. If he cooks on Tuesdays and Thursdays, YOU clean the dishes on Tuesdays and Thursdays... Let Friday and Saturday be your time-away from cooking, enjoy going out.

I might suggest the two of you to sit down together and plan out the things that DO need to get done (laundry is a definite, cooking, basic clean up, baby care, etc)... Alternate it so no one feels like they are doing it all.

Thankfully, as the baby gets older, they will love playing and things will ease up a bit.

but, the most important thing to remember, is that you cannot take care of the baby unless you can take care of each other. Its going to be a little hard at first, but once the both of you have a routine down, it will be so much easier to manage...  

[Taxi Mama]

Whether you work or not, BREAST FEED! The first 3 months are crucial for establishing the immune system, but keep going and you can wean them straight to table food after 12 months. That's a huge money and time saver, folks. And you can tell the daddy that you've got that chore covered, so he gets to pick something more strenuous (or yucky).  

[Wendy Belle]

Housework is definitely low priority, loving your husband and baby come first, and enjoying your time together. It's great to plan actual dates with your husband, but sometimes you'll find brief, unexpected dates in your lives. If you two go to the grocery store together while your mom watches the baby, declare it a "mini-date," hold hands on the shopping cart handles, sneak a kiss in the frozen food aisle if you find yourselves the only shoppers there at the moment. Even now (my youngest is 18!) my husband and I have surprise mini-dates. He picked me up at work yesterday, I looked in the back of the van and saw there were no kids in the car, so I declared it a "date." For the 10 minutes we drove home together, we could connect on an "adults-only" level.
I read somewhere that the most important thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother. That truth goes both ways - if you want to do something wonderful for your children, love your husband as unconditionally as you love your baby. Growing up knowing that their parents are head-over-heels in love with each other and respect one another, imparts deep security and a wonderful model for what married life can be.
Enjoy your amazing new family! heart  

[ziyal42]

I really appreciate all the advice. I'll let you all know how well the first week back at work next week goes. smile

Well week one has gone pretty well. I feel rushed in the evenings when I get home at night, usually around 7pm and then have to sleep by 10pm. Biggest lesson from week one is that I have to get the hubby to help me out in the mornings, he has been helping in the evenings though. smile Balance balance balance... I just have to find that fully now. But I guess that comes with time.  

[Shinigami Unity]

This thread really made me laugh - because it made me think of just how messy my apartment is. xp

I'm a single mom of two kids - working fulltime and attending college. It's... yeah... 1000 square foot of messiness. xp

Good luck! Going back to work is always scary - I hated being away from my babies. But I imagine being a chiropractor is awesome (I need to visit mine... hmmm). 3nodding  

[Taxi Mama]

You know, if you have the money, hired help can save your sanity. Think about whether you know somebody you could trust to help (or even do it without you)... I was paying $25/hour 6 years ago in Dallas.  

[Lil-Jo]

I was a single parent with my first 2 kids, I had no choice but to work. Now that we have a toddler in the home again... I get to stay home with her. I do not want to go back to work, at least until she is in school and I have that time for work... but even then, I would like to find home work so I can be here on holidays and summers.  

[angelwings4me]

I'm a single parent of 2 so I've never really had the option not to work.
I'm a registered nurse. If I had a choice, I'd work part time.

As for housework, HIRE somebody. Otherwise, letting the house getting a bit messy is NOT going to be the end of the world. Just wait until your baby gets big enough to start coloring on the walls. Messes naturally come with children.

Don't neglect the husband. He was there before the baby. Even if you have to get a babysitter and schedule date nights, find some time for him too. You'll BOTH be happier.  

[Crazy Cream Pie]

Well I'm the mother of 3 wonderful children. I was not able to stay at home with my oldest son. He either went to work with me or I had care thats what worked the best for us at the time. I am now able to stay at home with the youngest 2. I would say be happy that you have your mother there and she gets to build a strong relationship with her grandchild. If staying at home right now is not the best for your family then grandma is the next best thing.