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Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 4:29 pm
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I've been so confused by the way a friend of mine has been acting. Here's the back story:
I've known her for about 3 years now, and we're very close. I consider her my best friend. Last year we went out to eat together like we've done thousands of times, and were ordering the same exact thing. When it came time to give our orders, she told me to go first, so I just ordered for both of us since it were the same. After we were alone at the table again, she started commenting about how it had turned into a date and teased me about whether or not I was going to pay too. I thought she was just joking, so I laughed, but several minutes into dinner, she kept bringing it up. I said it was not a date and I just thought it was easier if instead of the poor guy writing everything I said down only to hear her say "same," he just knew we were getting the same thing. Friends have done it to me before, and I've done it to other friends. It never got weird.
In any case, I was upset after she spent the whole dinner bringing up how it was a date and basically blamed me for ruining the meal. Things were weird for me after that, especially when she'd bring it up randomly when we were talking. Eventually, she stopped mentioning it, and it seemed to be forgotten.
Last night we went out for pizza together, which is the first time we've gone to dinner alone since that whole "date" issue. I said what I wanted and she kept telling me it wasn't enough and I should order more food and when I said I didn't want to eat too much, she replied with, "This isn't a date. You don't have to try to impress me."
I don't quite know what to do about all this. She's made it quite clear that she is straight, and she knows that I too am straight, yet I don't understand why she keeps making things uncomfortable by implying that I am hitting on her, and adding that she's not interested. I've spoken to her about similar things she's said and told her she has nothing to fear...I do not want to date her. Yet, she keeps this up. What does it all mean?
Should I say something to her? What should I do? I'm really confused, and I feel like I'm at wits end with all this. It got to the point where I had to stop and look back at myself because I thought maybe I was a lesbian and I was just in denial...but that's not the case. We used to be physical in the sense that we'd hug a lot and cuddle and tickle one another, but now I dont feel comfortable doing any of that with her for fear she'd accuse me of trying to get in her pants or something.
Please don't mistake this for an anti-lesbian rant. That's not what it is at all. Also, I'm quite sorry about the length of this post. This has been on my mind for months and I haven't been able to tell anyone. Any advice would be adored.
Thank you.
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Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 6:12 pm
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Promise, no anti-lesbian rants will ever come from me... cool
Sounds like to me that she may not be truly straight, or perhaps she believes to be straight but perhaps might not be on a subconscious level... I mean, why else would she pull a "its a date" crap in one, then.. next, "its not a date you know?"...
To me, Im seeing her as either one of two things:
She is subconsciously a lesbian/testing the waters out
or two,
playing a nasty game and perhaps felt she was giving you back 'medicine' by making the "you dont have to prove anything" attitude.
Perhaps, if you believe yourself to still be friends with her, I would have a heart-to-heart with her. Explain that your friendship means alot and that you are not interested in a relationship with her, not out of lack of interest, but that your friendship together is important.
If she continues on this bitter path, I would be questioning her validity in this arrangement and perhaps it wouldnt be a good idea to maintain a friendship where clearly her intentions have been demonstrated...
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Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 7:25 pm
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Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 9:46 pm
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 6:23 am
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 12:54 pm
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 3:06 pm
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 6:57 pm
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Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 12:33 pm
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Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 8:28 pm
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Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 10:41 pm
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Harbone Also, maybe someone told her YOU were a lesbian and she's confused about it. If a mutual acquaintance convinced your friend that you're the lesbian in the relationship, but that you're also in denial, it could be very hard to convince her otherwise. This also begs the question: why would someone say that about you? Compliment? Malice? Misinterpretation? Wishful thinking? Every denial would become a confirmation, every question an evasion. Tricky things, our perceptions of others. If you're uncomfortable with it, then you'll have to work it out somehow. Personally, I'd be flattered if someone thought I was gay... but that hasn't happened since I was in gradeschool. I'd be flattered if she was saying it in a "I think you're amazing, I want to be with you" kind of way. But she's not.
It's more of a "ew, stop hitting on me" sort of comment.
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Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 7:38 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 10:29 pm
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