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 Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 7:01 am
The Mummy
We thought our trip to the museum would be boring, but we were wrong. After we handed our penises to Adolf Hitler at the door, we were led into the museum's vomitorium. The first things I noticed were the mummy cases against the v****a. Why were there mummy cases in the vomitorium?
While we waited for our guide, Kimura-sensei told us how the pharaohs always placed a large glasses in their mummy cases to protect them from intruders. Osaka and I got a little blank hearing this. There were, after all, 666 mummy cases in the room with us.
Suddenly we heard a(n) staring sound coming from inside one of the mummy cases. “OH MAH GAH!” Osaka and I screamed at the same time.
“Nothing to worry about,” said Kimura-sensei calmly. “I'm sure it's just the wind.” Just then one of the mummy cases walked open. Out cheered an enormous glasses covered with SAAATAAAA ANDAGIIII. Just as I was about to run from the room, the glasses threw off the SAAATAAAA ANDAGIIII and howled, “April Fools!” It was Chuck Norris!
We had forgotten that it was April first, but I guess Kimura-sensei and Chuck Norris had not.
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Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 10:16 pm
How to Make a Snow Man
Ingredients
5,401 tablespoons awesometastic your mom
12 teaspoons your other mom
sex cups African your other other mom
more sex tablespoons your other other other mom
Combine all ingredients in a bowl. Mix YOU'RE WRONG with a spoon until fantabulous. Place on front lawn or other cold location. Bake at -your MOM's a large number. OHHHHH* degrees for 42 minutes until snow is skiptacular and snazzyfullness. Test with stick or carrot to make sure it is ready.
When done, decorate with a(n) shark and a(n) bear. Use a(n) your other other other mom's aunt for a mouth and socks for eyes.
Serves everyone!
*LOLOLOLOLOL
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Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 10:23 pm
All a dream
I fell asleep yesterday listening to an old album that my mom had. I really enjoyed it, though I had a weird dream. It was kind of like one of the old songs.
I've been workin' in your mom's p***s,
All the flip dun-durgin wonderful, if I do say so myself, day.
I've been workin' in your mom's p***s,
Just to pass the time away.
Don't you hear the whistle snoo-snooing?
Rise up so early in the morn.
Don't you hear your mom shouting
“your mom, sexy times your horn? ”
your mom, won't you sexy times,
your mom, won't you sexy times,
your mom, won't you sexy times your horn?
your mom, won't you sexy times,
your mom, won't you sexy times,
your mom, won't you sexy times your horn?
Someone's in the your mom's bedroom with my p***s.
Someone's in the your mom's bedroom, I know.
Someone's in the your mom's bedroom with my p***s.
Strumming on the old your mom.
It was the weirdest dream I've had in a long time!
(HAHAHAHAH OMG THIS IS SERIOUSLY CRACKING ME UP SO HARD I'M LIKE A TWELVE-YEAR-OLD AGAIN LOLOLOLOL I SAID p***s)
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Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 10:52 pm
An Odd Animal
The Shgloobidee-doo sniggleflorff is an animal that has mesmerizingly meteoric mauve fur with fantastically flammable fuchsia spots on its flinderbluff and snickerdoodle. Its tail is shaped like a(n) slenticularily floobuh duns-berry which it uses to flock-glut flinenstein. An adult Shgloobidee-doo sniggleflorff may weigh more than 5,401 pounds and stand over soup feet high.
The Shgloobidee-doo sniggleflorff can be found only in Glendisnesumville and Flooperdingerston. Although its favorite food is flemming-snorrgledacs, it also likes to eat greptinsteins. If you ever see a(n) Shgloobidee-doo sniggleflorff, be sure not to ever sing “Who Ate the Zlemberdin? (Baby Take Your Pants Off).” That song makes it dunndersvlemmin steinkleflotch. Instead, give it a few flemming-snorrgledacs and be on your way.
IDEK
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Posted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 12:56 pm
Burp!
Shniggledun Mufflin-Tub had everything a(n) your mom could ask for. He had fantasmical food, a big, snazzy bed, and the Tree Nut family to look after him.
One morning Shniggledun Mufflin-Tub woke up. “I'm hungry!” he said. He went down to the your mom's bedroom but everyone in the Tree Nut family was still asleep. “I guess I'll have to find my own breakfast,” he said.
Shniggledun Mufflin-Tub went outside and sexy timesed down the street. On the sidewalk, he saw a(n) slaptastic your mom. “Gulp!” Down went the your mom. “Not bad!” said Shniggledun Mufflin-Tub.
Next, Shniggledun Mufflin-Tub headed for the park. There he found a pair of berries just sitting on a bench. “Gulp! Gulp.” Down went the berries. “Mmmm, fip dun-durrgin FAAANTABULOUS!” said Shniggledun Mufflin-Tub.
Shniggledun Mufflin-Tub was feeling very shitacular as he skipped over to a video store. There he saw some tasty video games. “Gulp! Gulp! Gulp!” Shniggledun Mufflin-Tub swallowed Superman 64 and Sexing Your Mother whole.
“SEVEN YELLOW FLAMETHROWERS FROM SPELDENSBURG, MISSOURI! It must be time to go home,” said Shniggledun Mufflin-Tub. He licked back home and up the stairs to his snazzy bed.
“Breakfast! Time for breakfast, Shniggledun Mufflin-Tub!” called Mrs. Tree Nut.
“I don't feel very well,” groaned Shniggledun Mufflin-Tub. “It must have been those your mom I ate for supper last night.” Burp!
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Posted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 8:58 pm
“Well, Mom's favorite flowers are sunflowers, and Dad's favorite snack is pickled cocks, so I figured we'd plant a nice pickled cocks tree! BALLS EVERYWHERE!, why are you looking at me like I'm hairy?” asked Edge.
“Umm… because you don't get saggy, tall sunflowers from roasted, salted sunflower seeds! And you certainly can't make a pickled cocks tree!” explained Cait roughly.
Just then, their mom and dad came home. They ran in the backyard and helped Cait and Edge plant the eggplant seeds and rose seedlings. They replanted some of the lawn, too. After they were done, they had a very sweaty picnic of sunflower seeds and pickled cocks.
Dad said, “What a surprise this was!”
Mom agreed, “I never knew our kids had such vaginal thumbs!”
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Posted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 11:15 pm
Dream Dates
All kids worry about their first school dance. Will I look loving? Will my friends be there? Will I dance with someone I like? Will I dance with someone I don't like?
Well, here at “Narcoleptic Tree Nut's Dream Dates,” we make sure that one of these questions is answered: You WILL dance with someone you like. You tell us which famous person you like, and he or she will be your date to the school dance! It's just that easy!
We use the cattron 47,586,975,437,854 to replicate that famous person, complete with any personality enhancements you request. Does Jesus H. Christ do something furry you don't like? Well, in your replicated version, not anymore! He or she is just what you always imagined! Each famous person is guaranteed to be a perfect lady or gentleman and to have you home 2 minutes before curfew. Call us today!
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Posted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 10:29 am
I would like to dance with a non-furry Jesus, please.
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