I need advice on my best friend.

[Eienchi]

I'm gonna mention that this whole advice is gonna make this situtation remind you of highschool, as it reminds me of it. And thus I ask for advice because ill pull my hair out if this goes on any longer.
(Sorry if my typing is jacked in anyway, carpal tunnel is killing my typing skills)

I have a best friend. She's really great and always so mature. Shes always kept me very grounded, and knew when to say "Allie, grow up"
But recently I can't take her "whines" about being single and such.

I'll try and make this simple and quick.
She liked a guy, she asked him out. He said no. Her EVERYTHING was crushed. but he didnt say no because shes fuggly. he said no because he's GAY. he likes men. Not women. But her everything is crushed. She has no reason though.
Shes a size 3 with D boobs. She's got a kicking body and face, and shes alot of fun. But she can't stop saying how fat...and ugly...and stupid she is.
At first i hugged her and did my best to make it better. But its on month 6....and she hasnt gotten over a gay guy.
I tried to explain no matter how awesome she was hed still say no because hes gay....but she just kept getting so negative.
So by month six i cant even take this "I'm gonna be alone forever. Why go to this party its all couples" even though both of those are lies
Seriously? everyone feels shitty and lonely, but they get past it. And when I went through the "I'm gonna die alone" phase I tried to keep it quiet because i didnt want to annoy her, and I got past it. I grew up.

I don't know what to do with her. Last night she went on a big down spiral...and everything i said she shot down with a great anger. So i said I can't help you. I love you, but i can't help you. If you arent going to listen to my advice, then please stop asking for it.
There have been many times where i had a baby fit and she told me to put on "my big girl panties" and go on. And it hurts., shocks, but it helped.

So i tried it on her. At first I thought it worked. Then it went back into her pitty party. So by the point im angry. So i just said "Sorry, i can't talk to you" and thats where i am now.
I feel useless as a friend. A real jerk. But i swear if she says any of her negative s**t again i might eat her face. What happened to her mature side? I feel like im in highschool thanks to last night.

I just need advice on how to talk and deal with her. Because i feel like ive poured so much effort into this problem. I'm at the point everytime she talkes about it I change the subject or stop talking to her.

I know she's never had a boyfriend or anything like that. But neither have I...but i am not whining about some boy. Seriously. I don't need a man to be happy. I should make myself happy first, then add a guy to make extra happy.
But i think she thinks ALL of her happiness will happen with a guy. Which sadly doesnt happen. SO HELP!!! ahhh!  

[wiccan j]

WOW!! It does remind me of high school. Honestly hon, it sounds as if you have tried everything a friend is suppose to do. She may be going thru something else you are not aware of. Short of her seeking professional advice about her lack of self esteem, there isn't much more you can do. You can be her friend, but this topic has to be left out if you two are gonna hang. She will one day come to the realization that men shouldn't define her, but you can't lose your scruples in the process. Hope this helps or puts your mind at ease that there isn't much else to do...like you already know. Good luck!!  

[Eienchi]

wiccan j

WOW!! It does remind me of high school. Honestly hon, it sounds as if you have tried everything a friend is suppose to do. She may be going thru something else you are not aware of. Short of her seeking professional advice about her lack of self esteem, there isn't much more you can do. You can be her friend, but this topic has to be left out if you two are gonna hang. She will one day come to the realization that men shouldn't define her, but you can't lose your scruples in the process. Hope this helps or puts your mind at ease that there isn't much else to do...like you already know. Good luck!!

*hugs you* I needed to hear(read) that. I just hope she gets over it soon. Because she's like my sister and I hate to see her hurt, but i also can't sacrifice my sanity for her either. XD  

[Shinigami Unity]

You're not a bad friend - if you were you wouldn't give a fig for her problems. But you do and it bothers you and you try to help her. That's what friends do.

But there comes to a point where yes - she needs to put her big girl panties on and realize that her negative views about herself are what's keeping her down, as well as her fixation on finding a man.

Even us plus sized gals get dates. Sometimes with decent men! lol.  

[Psyzapp]

I agree completely with wiccan j. I really don't know what else you can do. The man is gay and it really has nothing to do with her as a person or anything. She does need to get herself a pair of "big girl panties" and understand that it really was nothing personal or had anything to do with her. I find that when you stop obsessing on what you don't have and work on what is fulfilling to yourself, doors start to open.

Good luck.  

[ThisEmptySoul]

Going solely on the information provided and not knowing your friend as well as you do, it sounds like part of the problem might be that she had an abundance of self-esteem {enough to be a fault} before the incident. As the saying goes, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. If this is the case, the fact her love interest is homosexual doesn't lessen the blow because if her ego was large enough, she might have thought that she was so good looking that she would "convert" him. Being that it didn't work out that way would say to her that she isn't as irresistible as she thought she was, which throws her for a loop and she then starts believing the other extreme {which would be that she's completely undesirable}.

As far as advice goes, I don't really know what to tell you. There's only so much you can do as a friend and it seems you've tried what you could. Most importantly is that she has to -want- to feel better before she actually can. If she doesn't want to feel better, then nothing you say or do will change her.

It's a big world and there are plenty of other guys out there... I'm sure this is something you've probably already gone over with her, but it's something that seems to be forgotten rather easily when a girl is trying to stay miserable.