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 Posted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 2:15 am
My boyfriend of eleven months broke up with me a month or so ago. I left him because I thought that I knew I wasn't ready for relationships and that I really shouldn't be dating in high school. My parents disapproved too.
So, I had explained my reasons, I had still loved him a lot. We were best friends before we were dating; he was so kind, the most mature and loveliest guy I had met. I had hoped, at the back of my mind that we would get together again, maybe after high school, if I could possibly maintain our relationship as friends for the next few years. I loved him so much, I had told him that. He acknowleged this, and we were still friends.
What upsets me the most is that three days later, he developed a crush on my best friend. I felt hurt and betrayed, but I got over it after a while. I avoided him, or tried to act my normal, optimistic self, when all that time he was totally oblivious as to what I was feeling.
I felt an odd sense of relief when he told me that he didn't seem to like her anymore. Soon enough, he started dating a girl his senior a week or so later, which pretty much threw me overboard.
Ugh, I feel so disappointed, so worthless. As if everything of those past eleven months were nothing. It sickens me to be around him now, even my friends reckon its cruel, and he treats me like he doesn't know at all why i've been cold to him. Even though I knew that I shouldn't be feeling this, that I took this on when I, so to say dumped him...
I hate this. He keeps on trying to salvage our friendship, while I don't want to talk to him again. I feel like screaming. But i'm not the type of person to bag someone out.
How should I solve the situation? -groans- Has anyone else been in a situation like this?
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Posted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 10:51 am
I admit I've never been in your situation, where there was romance involved but I have had to deal with people like him...on a daily basis.
Boys--for lack of a better word--are stupid. They can't read your mind, you have to sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel. Do not beat around the bush. They don't understand subtlty.
Also, he's at that age where he feels the urge to sew his wild oats, and see what else is out there, he probably didn't mean to hurt you--chances are he is completely oblivious to that fact. Like I said, boys are stupid--all of them no matter how mature or smart they may be...they are stupid.
So talk to him, earnestly and openly but, in a non-threatening way (boys are also surprisingly fragile) and tell your friend how you feel about the situation.
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Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 11:53 am
Wow, this is like deja vu man...
Okay so my boyfriend of seven months who I loved deeply, and we had gone through so much together, just out of the blue called me one day and once I answered it, he just hung up.
I called him back, curious.
The convo went a little like this:
Me: "Hey baby, did you just call?"
Him: "Uh... yeah."
Me: "What's up?" *concerned voice*
Him: "We need to break up..."
Me: *gasp*
---silence---
Him: "It's just... it's almost summer and... we need to get this over with."
Me: "Y-Y-You think we can't last the summer?" *jaw is still dropped open*
Him: "Um, yeah."
---he hangs up the phone---
---I sit in silence for a minute---
---I drop the phone on my tile and I break into tears---
Okay so that's how it went. Then, I find out from his best friend that he lied to me and broke up with me to be with another girl four years older than him! He got with that... that... that b*tch the SECOND he broke up with me.
Then, when my friends convinced him to break up with that girl (which may be rude but whatever, I was broken hearted and still in love with the boy that broke it), he got back together with me but cheated on me with the girl he had just been with's TWIN SISTER!!!
So, I know how it goes. It hurts. Talk to him about it though. It'll help.
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Posted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 5:52 pm
i agree with your initial reason for leaving the relationship, but you can't expect to keep a non-existant relationship. it's ok to want to get back together after highschool, but you can't expect nothing to happen until then. i know you want to, but it would be better for you if you didn't worry about what he does until that time. just have fun, go on dates with people, but don't start relationships.
think about right now. what are going to do tomorrow and the next day? there's more to life than boys.
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Posted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 1:33 am
A break-up typically means its okay to date other people because we are just friends now. That seems to be the message he received. If this was not the message you intended to send, I think you two need to have another talk about your relationship intentions.
Just remember that dating someone else after your partner broke up with you is not the same as cheating. He probably thought it you were okay with it. Don't hold it against him if he wasn't clear on the situation.
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Posted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 4:08 am
well, you broke up with him. maybe that's his way off getting over you.
he owns nothing to you...
if you want to, you can tell him how you really feel, but expect nothing..
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Posted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 9:30 pm
You can't really get angry with him for dating someone else after you decided to break up with him. Not to sound harsh, but you can't have it both ways.
You've gotta think of it from his point of view, it sounds like he really liked you and when you told him you didn't want to be with him anymore he was probably hurt, and one of the most common ways to get over something like that is to go on the rebound.
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Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 12:39 pm
You should've told him you hoped you could be together again in the future. If he agreed, then he would probably take his future relationships seriously.
Also, relationships just after long relationships are generally rebounds. It will go sour, he's only in a relationship because he doesn't know how not to be.
Perfect example: My ex-boyfriend started dating my best friend about a month after we broke up (which is what you would consider about a week, I'm eighteen and far past high school dramatics). Maybe two weeks later he broke up with her, claiming he was still in love with me. Mind you, like I've stated, I don't go for the high school dramatics. I don't talk to either of them anymore.
And yes, boys are very dense. It doesn't matter age, brilliance, or maturity, they need things spelled out. Tell him you still love him, tell him you hoped that you'd be together again someday.
Also, you have to be okay with him seeing other people. That's a part of life. Your exes see other people. If you can't learn to deal with that, then don't try to be friends with your exes.
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