・・・・・★
─┼──────┼─
And when i think of the future, what lies ahead, and when i don't see myself where i want...
My Dearest Rin,
It has only been a few hours since the "incident" and I'm not letting them get to me. But here's the thing...
I sometimes need some reassurance. I have a bit of insecurity in my heart, and any small thing will put me back on to my track my path towards greatness.
...sigh.... man all the keys are there, i just have to take them put them into the locks and turn them to open up a whole new world for myself. so why can't i?
kim used to beat the living pulp out of me if i didn't make the first move on a guy, they wouldn't do it ... so why can't i? now i'm not afraid to make the first move on a guy, but prefer not to.
why can't i beat myself to a living pulp to take action and the move to take the keys and put them into the locks at least? why can't i? why am i so weak? why is it that i sit here, and whenever i think about the future, and i don't see myself where i want to be why do i feel like crying?
disappoint. their happiness. my disappointment.
so i guess i am, kind of letting THEM get to me. why should i? seriously, why should i let those sorry excuse of sisters get to me? this worthless family, that doesn't support me? i have always been alone. my nephew sees my parents more than i do, i'm damn right jealous.
out of all my years i only saw my parents a few hours a day, i had to do everything myself because obviously my sisters having their own clique won't help me, support me, or anything.
sure i love them, but it's just not the same. and i feel like letting go of these tears, and letting them stream down my face. letting them crash into my lap like tiny shards of glass.
my heartbreaks when i feel disappointment and insecurity. i'm trying to become who i was called to be, because i have found that calling in life. but it's hard, it's so hard. and i know i love all the mixed feelings i feel and experience, i can't wait to reach where i want and don't mind working hard with a big smile on my face because that's going to be where i want to be.
and i have to travel more than a thousand miles to get where my love, soul, heart, mind and spirit are. 32 steps, 32 floors on an elevator looking down at the past. the 32nd floor will be my stop for hardwork in the couple floors i have already passed, and once i achieve that, i can escalate higher towards my happiness.
my right hand is randomly freezing, my left hand is bloody hot. yin and yang.
i feel better after writing, but i'll feel even better after some sleep. after some dreams.
i noticed that when i'm unsure insecure in life, my dreams ... i remember them what they are telling me. but when i'm positive and am going to move forward they cease. sigh.
you are everything and everyone in your dream. your dreams hold the secret meaning behind your life.
32 is not a random number, 32 is the number in a dream i had. i was in a loft like building riding an open view elevator and it stopped on the 32nd floor. it could go up higher and i had a long way down. could that be my future?
one litre of tears, how much do i have to shed to become happy?
It has only been a few hours since the "incident" and I'm not letting them get to me. But here's the thing...
I sometimes need some reassurance. I have a bit of insecurity in my heart, and any small thing will put me back on to my track my path towards greatness.
...sigh.... man all the keys are there, i just have to take them put them into the locks and turn them to open up a whole new world for myself. so why can't i?
kim used to beat the living pulp out of me if i didn't make the first move on a guy, they wouldn't do it ... so why can't i? now i'm not afraid to make the first move on a guy, but prefer not to.
why can't i beat myself to a living pulp to take action and the move to take the keys and put them into the locks at least? why can't i? why am i so weak? why is it that i sit here, and whenever i think about the future, and i don't see myself where i want to be why do i feel like crying?
disappoint. their happiness. my disappointment.
so i guess i am, kind of letting THEM get to me. why should i? seriously, why should i let those sorry excuse of sisters get to me? this worthless family, that doesn't support me? i have always been alone. my nephew sees my parents more than i do, i'm damn right jealous.
out of all my years i only saw my parents a few hours a day, i had to do everything myself because obviously my sisters having their own clique won't help me, support me, or anything.
sure i love them, but it's just not the same. and i feel like letting go of these tears, and letting them stream down my face. letting them crash into my lap like tiny shards of glass.
my heartbreaks when i feel disappointment and insecurity. i'm trying to become who i was called to be, because i have found that calling in life. but it's hard, it's so hard. and i know i love all the mixed feelings i feel and experience, i can't wait to reach where i want and don't mind working hard with a big smile on my face because that's going to be where i want to be.
and i have to travel more than a thousand miles to get where my love, soul, heart, mind and spirit are. 32 steps, 32 floors on an elevator looking down at the past. the 32nd floor will be my stop for hardwork in the couple floors i have already passed, and once i achieve that, i can escalate higher towards my happiness.
my right hand is randomly freezing, my left hand is bloody hot. yin and yang.
i feel better after writing, but i'll feel even better after some sleep. after some dreams.
i noticed that when i'm unsure insecure in life, my dreams ... i remember them what they are telling me. but when i'm positive and am going to move forward they cease. sigh.
you are everything and everyone in your dream. your dreams hold the secret meaning behind your life.
32 is not a random number, 32 is the number in a dream i had. i was in a loft like building riding an open view elevator and it stopped on the 32nd floor. it could go up higher and i had a long way down. could that be my future?
one litre of tears, how much do i have to shed to become happy?
...my heart drops down to my rib cage passed the locks and keys with it's wings chained up to the bars of my body.
─┼──────┼─
★・・・・・
─┼──────┼─
★・・・・・