Not who I thought he was! -long-

[drink more ovaltine]

Hi again! sweatdrop
Eh. Well, this has been bothering me a lot lately, and I figured I could get an unbiased opinion here so...

There's a guy I know, we'll call him Jim.

Jim is a freshman at an Ivy League college. I met him during his senior year of high school though, and towards the end of his 2nd semester, we became good friends. I mean, we had so much in common, how could we not be? Both in student council, both on the track team, both on the honors list; hell, we were such great friends he pretty much adopted me as his little sister. I would come to him whenever I had a problem, and we could just talk for hours on end and make everything better.

Even after he moved 5000 miles away for college, we still kept in contact. He would call every day (unless he was super busy), and we were still great friends. Everything was going so good between us. And when he came home for winter break, I pretty much lived with him. But a few weeks ago, we got into a pretty big fight (over the phone, no less) and I haven't talked to him since. I'm not sure I even want to after what happened.

The first thing that happened was that I found out he wasn't exactly the guy I saw him as. I mean, I figured with him being in college and all, he probably wasn't clean (not to stereotype); not that it bothered me much since most of my friends (the ones still in high school) aren't. But then I thought, "Wow. This guy is a total hypocrite," he's always the one who's telling me to stay safe; no weed, no booze, no sex. But I kind of find it hard to listen to that when I know that he LOVES to have a good time. I know he drinks like crazy, and I know he's slept around before.

And the other thing was that I found out he was kind of two-faced. In the public eye (he had a lot of publicity locally last year. He had more scholarships than you can count, only the 2nd student in our school's history to get into an Ivy League school, outstanding athlete, etc.) he acts like such a nice kid. I'm starting to find out that he's not. He puts people (that he personally knows) down. ESPECIALLY his little brother. He says so many bad things about his brother, and it's just terrible; I feel bad for his brother. He's not as bad to his sister, thank God.

The second thing; for my birthday, he sent me a self-help book called 'Don't Sweat the Small Stuff', maybe some of you have heard of it. Anyway, along with the book, he sent a letter that stated, 'you really need a lot of help, so i think this book would be good for you. it helped me too' And I really took that statement the wrong way, so I will take the blame for that.

BUT THERE'S MORE WHERE THIS IS GOING. The next day, he called and asked if I got the book. I said yes and thanks. But then I told him that I've tried self-help books before and they don't really work out for me. He told me that if I wanna change my life I should read the book. So I asked, "You mean my life changing depends on me reading the book?" He says, "No. That's not what I mean. It only changes if you do what the book says. And you should read it cuz I worked hard to find a good present, and that book wasn't cheap," which is basically just guilt-tripping me to read the book otherwise I would be wasting his money.

So then we started arguing and I told him to stop trying to win every argument and just let it go. Then he tells me that I'm the one arguing, and that I'm ruining his relaxation time. So I tell him just drop it and he does. It's quiet for a few minutes then we start up conversation again.

Jim: So... How's school?
Erin: Okay.
Jim: Have you seen Bryson lately?
Erin: Yeah.
Jim: Okay. Cool. Tell him I said hi.
Erin: Yeah.
Jim: ...So, what exactly are your goals?
Erin: My goals?
Jim: For life. For high school. Any goals.
Erin: I don't have any, I guess.
Jim: Oh. Well then you're kind of just wasting my time, I can't talk to someone with no aspiration. I helped you out so much last year. I mean, look at me, I was valedictorian last year, I go to an Ivy League school, so many people look up to me. Not to brag or anything, but I am a pretty smart guy. And do you think I ended up where I am without any aspirations? Bryson's going to be a better person than you, you know? And I've helped him through a lot too.
Erin: Don't compare me to Bryson.
Jim: Well, I'm just saying. He's only a freshman, and look how much better he's doing than you did last year.
Erin: ...You know what? I gotta go. Something came up.
Jim: Shoots, I guess I'll talk to you later then.
Erin: *click*

A few days later, I was sitting in L&L with Bryson and he was talking to Jim on the phone. I told Bryson to put the phone on speaker and then Bryson asked, "So, have you talked to Erin lately?" Jim says, "Yeah. Not for a while though. She really needs to shape up. She's not going to amount to anything otherwise. She was a good kid last year, and I just don't know what happened," then he changed the subject, and I sat there in disbelief.

So now I just wanna know if I'm overreacting to the whole situation.
Opinions?
Thanks.
heart  

[Aliareana]

I think you could both lighten up a bit.

I do understand his side though. I'm kind of the same way. If I can be motivated enough to do something with my life, then I expect others to be able to do the same. I know it's not always fair, but I just simply don't like lazy, unmotivated people when I know their level of potential. I'm not saying you are, so please don't take it that way.

Really, he just wants you to have goals in your life and then to reach those goals so that you're successful and happy. If you are happy where you are headed, then tell him so and tell him to back off.

You should also talk to him about being a hypocrite if it really bothers you. He's not going to fix the problem if he doesn't know there is one. Anytime he talks down about his brother, immediately change the subject. Every time. He'll get the hint eventually. Or if you'd like to just confront him about it, than do so when he does it. Otherwise, if you randomly bring it up he might argue that he doesn't do it.

Anyway, I hope you two get things worked out.  

[I Red Roze I]

man i would have told to f off but on his side ill go with the lady ^  

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

Well, you should probably consider a few things:

1. Sibling relationships are very complicated. Parents will try to be as fair as possible, but in the eyes of a child growing up, many decisions are unfair. If you ask anyone, "Growing up, were things ever unfair in the favor of your brother or sister?" they'll probably have an hours worth of complaints. Thus, some siblings can be very mean to each other. The way a person acts towards the people they grew up with will reflect the immaturities that person had as a young child. Its not entirely excusable, but try not to judge people too harshly for how they treat their brothers and sisters.

2. As a valedictorian grades = happiness. He will have a hard time relating to anyone who does not see the gratification of working hard for good grades. Its an essential part of who he is.

3. He wants good things for you. Sure he may be acting pretty smug because he was valedictorian and he got into his dream school, but he really means well. He wants you to challenge yourself to reach your highest aspirations so that you will live a rewarding and meaningful life. Drugs and partying can interfere with that so easily, which is why he may tell you to stay clean right now even if he's not as strict on himself.

I agree he said some pretty mean things to you, but just consider these things and know that he's trying to push you to make the best of out of yourself. I think you two should be able to work it out.  

[Angel Nicholson]

Aliareana

I think you could both lighten up a bit.

I do understand his side though. I'm kind of the same way. If I can be motivated enough to do something with my life, then I expect others to be able to do the same. I know it's not always fair, but I just simply don't like lazy, unmotivated people when I know their level of potential. I'm not saying you are, so please don't take it that way.

Really, he just wants you to have goals in your life and then to reach those goals so that you're successful and happy. If you are happy where you are headed, then tell him so and tell him to back off.

You should also talk to him about being a hypocrite if it really bothers you. He's not going to fix the problem if he doesn't know there is one. Anytime he talks down about his brother, immediately change the subject. Every time. He'll get the hint eventually. Or if you'd like to just confront him about it, than do so when he does it. Otherwise, if you randomly bring it up he might argue that he doesn't do it.

Anyway, I hope you two get things worked out.

Okay, from the other point of view, the people who just aren't doing anything with their lives at that point in time get really annoyed with people who get pissed off with us and pretty much brag about how good they're doing, it puts our motivation down that little bit more. We don't care how much motivation you've got, not everyone does and it's not always just being lazy. You know people who move about 10 times before they're 5 or 6 are known to hardly ever succeed? It's not because they're lazy, it's a psychological problem. Give us time and we will succeed, but going on about how we're lazy isn't going to make us try any harder. It's going to make things worse.
For me, it was people constantly going on about how I had so much potential, and you know what, I did, but not everyone can do the things that other people can. It took me 6 years to finish high school, but you know what? I am. It's not always our fault that we have no motivation. Sometimes, we just don't have anything that makes us want to go and do those things event hough we can, everyone is capable of doing it, but not everyone has the drive at the same time everyone else does.
Sometimes, we just don't know what we want, but that doesn't make us lazy. If you don't know what you want, how are you supposed to be motivated enough to do it?
I've been where she is and I think I know how she feels (only think) but man, you people act like we purposely have no idea what we want, when it can frustrate us as much as it does you.

Anyway, please don't get mad, it was just my opinion and I just wanted to give my two cents. If you don't like it, kindly ignore it, but I just think everyone should know both sides and I'm telling you now, I do understand the other side now that I am motivated enough to have goals and get somewhere.

@Bovid
I honestly don't know what to do in your situation though, in mine, I just stopped talking to them until I was motivated enough and had goals. I don't know if you'd want to do that, though. When I figured out what I wanted, I worked hard at it, but it's hard to do if you don't know what you want and no one has the right to judge you or talk about you like he does.

I think the above posters advice was pretty good and you should consider it, I think.

I wish you luck :3  

[Wyscol]

ok it's just an opinion but I think Jim, cares from you and wants to ensure that you will do something whit your live in the future still, but he may have a weird way to show it , he may try to make you take seriously some things that he considered superficial at you, (I know a guy who lead her friend to learn by laugh or insulting her) try to tell him that you will take more seriously this kind of things (only if you want to) but if is something that really ;hurts; you tell him in the front bcuz the phone can not express what you really want to say.
Only luck for you now biggrin