The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...
Warning, this may be fairly long.
I really just need to vent my frustration and my confusion with these two boys. I'm not looking for strict advice, I just need somewhere to vent about these boys.
About two weeks ago, I had to break off my engagement because he couldn't admit to people that he was engaged, he later told me that he didn't even think of me as his fiance; I was just a girlfriend. He's told me that I was more attractive when we met because I was thinner back then. I've gained a little bit of weight because of the birth control he wanted me on. He doesn't let me talk about our problems to anyone. Girls need someone to talk to about their problems, they need to vent, we can't keep it all pent up. He doesn't let me tell anyone. I don't have any friends because of what he let his say about me and he's letting his family think I'm the one isolating him, his niece is constantly bitching at me about how I need to let him have a life. He's always telling me I'm a pain in the a** and that I'm annoying him, when all he does is sit on his a** and play video games all day, he'll go out and blow all his cash on video games and movies.
I don't want to marry someone who isn't proud of being with me. I never said I wanted him to be, I just don't want to marry someone who isn't. When I asked him, he said he wasn't, when I asked him why, he said it was because I wanted him to be. Well, all girls want their boyfriends and whatnot to be proud of them. They're really just supposed to be if they love you.
I love him, and despite what he says, I know he loves me. He's just a stupid boy, but I do love him.
He lives 5 hours away from me at his university right now, and when he comes home for the summer and the breaks, we're fine. It's like we never fought at all and we get along amazingly well. It's like he never left when he comes home and everything feels next to perfect and it just feels right. I've been with him for almost 2 years and we only ever have these problems while he's been away this past year.
Here's where it gets screwed up.
There's a guy I met 5 years ago. I loved him and I know he loves me. He always admitted it. We always argued about it, but he'd never go out with me. He would always tell me he didn't want to hurt me, and he got so close to overcoming that so many times, but he just didn't want to hurt me. He's realized that I am emotionally more mature than most other girls my age. He knows now that if I get hurt, I'll be able to handle it, and if I get hurt, it was because I went for what I wanted. He also had a time where he wouldn't let me tell anyone about our problems, but he soon realized that girls need to be able to talk to our friends about these problems and that it was a form of abuse. He got over it, and he lets me talk about what goes on between us now. There is a point where you shouldn't, and I know where that is, but he let's me say pretty much whatever I want. He always seems so happy when I talk to him and he always tells me I'm beautiful and compliments everything, he notices the little things I change and he always says it looks nice. He never says anything bad about me and he makes me happy. He's been my best friend for about 5 years now and whenever one of us gets hurt, we always come running back to the other and everything feels okay again.
I never thought it was possible to love two boys at the same time. I really didn't think it was, but now I know it is and I don't know what to do.
I'm not a slut, and I'm not a whore. I've only ever had sex with the one I was engaged to. That is NOT the issue and I don't want it discussed, please.
I'm just so effing confused and I don't know what to do anymore. The first guy has no idea what I'm feeling about the second, he thinks he's just a friend of mine and has never even met him, the second one keeps telling me to do what I feel is right, and that whatever is meant to happen, will happen. I'm just tired of waiting these things out and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm 20 years old, I'm not some stupid teenage girl, I should know what to do in these situations.
...and knows what the mind cannot understand.
Warning, this may be fairly long.
I really just need to vent my frustration and my confusion with these two boys. I'm not looking for strict advice, I just need somewhere to vent about these boys.
About two weeks ago, I had to break off my engagement because he couldn't admit to people that he was engaged, he later told me that he didn't even think of me as his fiance; I was just a girlfriend. He's told me that I was more attractive when we met because I was thinner back then. I've gained a little bit of weight because of the birth control he wanted me on. He doesn't let me talk about our problems to anyone. Girls need someone to talk to about their problems, they need to vent, we can't keep it all pent up. He doesn't let me tell anyone. I don't have any friends because of what he let his say about me and he's letting his family think I'm the one isolating him, his niece is constantly bitching at me about how I need to let him have a life. He's always telling me I'm a pain in the a** and that I'm annoying him, when all he does is sit on his a** and play video games all day, he'll go out and blow all his cash on video games and movies.
I don't want to marry someone who isn't proud of being with me. I never said I wanted him to be, I just don't want to marry someone who isn't. When I asked him, he said he wasn't, when I asked him why, he said it was because I wanted him to be. Well, all girls want their boyfriends and whatnot to be proud of them. They're really just supposed to be if they love you.
I love him, and despite what he says, I know he loves me. He's just a stupid boy, but I do love him.
He lives 5 hours away from me at his university right now, and when he comes home for the summer and the breaks, we're fine. It's like we never fought at all and we get along amazingly well. It's like he never left when he comes home and everything feels next to perfect and it just feels right. I've been with him for almost 2 years and we only ever have these problems while he's been away this past year.
Here's where it gets screwed up.
There's a guy I met 5 years ago. I loved him and I know he loves me. He always admitted it. We always argued about it, but he'd never go out with me. He would always tell me he didn't want to hurt me, and he got so close to overcoming that so many times, but he just didn't want to hurt me. He's realized that I am emotionally more mature than most other girls my age. He knows now that if I get hurt, I'll be able to handle it, and if I get hurt, it was because I went for what I wanted. He also had a time where he wouldn't let me tell anyone about our problems, but he soon realized that girls need to be able to talk to our friends about these problems and that it was a form of abuse. He got over it, and he lets me talk about what goes on between us now. There is a point where you shouldn't, and I know where that is, but he let's me say pretty much whatever I want. He always seems so happy when I talk to him and he always tells me I'm beautiful and compliments everything, he notices the little things I change and he always says it looks nice. He never says anything bad about me and he makes me happy. He's been my best friend for about 5 years now and whenever one of us gets hurt, we always come running back to the other and everything feels okay again.
I never thought it was possible to love two boys at the same time. I really didn't think it was, but now I know it is and I don't know what to do.
I'm not a slut, and I'm not a whore. I've only ever had sex with the one I was engaged to. That is NOT the issue and I don't want it discussed, please.
I'm just so effing confused and I don't know what to do anymore. The first guy has no idea what I'm feeling about the second, he thinks he's just a friend of mine and has never even met him, the second one keeps telling me to do what I feel is right, and that whatever is meant to happen, will happen. I'm just tired of waiting these things out and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm 20 years old, I'm not some stupid teenage girl, I should know what to do in these situations.
...and knows what the mind cannot understand.
