Dating MUCH Older Guys

[sezuko]

You should always be careful when it comes to older guys, but the way I see it is, you can be simply utterly and disdainfully unhappy with someone your own age, who is also abusive, or you can be perfectly happy with some one a little older than you who knows how to treat you right. (Okay alot older but still, at least he's respectful.)
Again be careful, take precautions and all that. Even if he seems more respectful, you never know. The situation seems really weird to me, but people generally do what they want, so maybe some things some of us are saying will affect your choices, maybe not. Who knows. Anyway good luck with your choices. (Just once again BE Careful! I wouldnt want you getting hurt in anyway, even though I dont know you ^_^)  

[Jenitorturer]

@ sezuko: I'll be sure to take precautions and be extra careful. I never completely trust a person at any age. I do trust this guy, but not fully, since our relationship really just began..

Thanks, sezuko and everyone else who contributed advice.

And the situation is actually deeper and more complicated than you think. There's more to this, but it's something I'd rather not get into.

I'll be sure to take everyone's advice into consideration and reevaulate things from here.

Thanks, girls !  

[Moxcella]

If you ever need to talk,I'll be here to listen
c:

 

[Jenitorturer]

Thanks, Tenshi. I'll be sure to do that. Thanks for the advice, too. <3  

[Angel Nicholson]

Jenitorturer

Angel Nicholson

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...



Honestly, I'd never approve of an age gap that big no matter what you mean to each other, and I can see exactly why your parents don't approve. I mean, he could suddenly turn around and do the same thing that those boys your age did to you. Age doesn't mean a thing when it comes to that. And he's probably at the age where he wants a family and quite frankly, you're too young for that (18 is really young to be having babies!)
Anyway, nothing I say can or will stop you, but if I were you, I'd think this over thoroughly. I mean, he's 20 years older than you? He's almost as old as your parents. For all you know, he could have a kid older than you (there's a lot of cases where guys don't know about their kids D: )

Just because he's older doesn't mean he'll treat you better and the older guys are the ones who are more likely to treat you like a queen before becoming abusive or even raping you.

I'm sure he's a nice guy, but I really don't like the situation. Maybe I'm just being a mommy about this (I was a second mom to my siblings...literally, my mother and I refer to them as "our" kids) but I really don't approve.

But like I said up there, there's nothing I can do about it. Just remember that age doesn't mean anything, whether it's about love, or the guy's maturity and "abusive" levels.
Just because he's older, doesn't mean he's going to treat you better. In fact, it wasn't until I was with a younger guy that I was treated better and out of the abusive relationships.

Anyways, I'm just rambling now, but please don't take what I said into offence, I don't mean it like that. I just worry for people who are with someone that much older.

Cinderella stories don't always have a happy ending. You really need to take care of yourself in this situation. Make sure you know where to draw your lines and everything should be okay.


...and knows what the mind cannot understand.

Yeah. There is always that possibility, since life and people are unpredictable.

The most I know is that he has a 14 year old daughter, kids-wise.

Oh, I'm not offended. I understand where you're coming from.
3nodding

I guess I SHOULD be careful and ready no matter how sweet he is, because that can always change.

Thanks for your advice.

It's common sense, I know, but sometimes, I guess I just need someone to remind me.

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...



Eh, I'd find the 14 year old kid a turn-off right there xD I mean, you're only 4 years older D: You'd be their stepmother, and quite frankly, that's just a little weird and you can't deny it lol

But anyway, I really want you to be careful, I want you to be happy, but maybe someone closer to your own age might be better (like, within 7 or so years). They'd be more likely to have similar goals and ambitions as you and it would be easier when starting a family because by the time you're old enough to have kids (anything under 21 is probably way too young!) he'll be pretty old. I mean, what if you're 30 and want another kid? He'll be 50 and that just won't...it won't be pretty, that's for sure D:
You're kid would be 20 and he'd be near 70! (ack, sorry, just guessing with the math!!)
Anyway (again, I'm not trying to be offensive) I just want you to be careful and make sure you make the right decision for yourself because once it's too late, it's too late. There are plenty of guys around our age (I'm 20 :3) that are good guys, too. They aren't assholes just because they're young!
You don't want to throw your life away over a guy!


...and knows what the mind cannot understand.

 

[Mosdras]

well im neutral on all this... i would date a guy a few years older.. like maybe 8-10 years older then i  

[Jenitorturer]

Angel Nicholson

Jenitorturer

Angel Nicholson

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...



Honestly, I'd never approve of an age gap that big no matter what you mean to each other, and I can see exactly why your parents don't approve. I mean, he could suddenly turn around and do the same thing that those boys your age did to you. Age doesn't mean a thing when it comes to that. And he's probably at the age where he wants a family and quite frankly, you're too young for that (18 is really young to be having babies!)
Anyway, nothing I say can or will stop you, but if I were you, I'd think this over thoroughly. I mean, he's 20 years older than you? He's almost as old as your parents. For all you know, he could have a kid older than you (there's a lot of cases where guys don't know about their kids D: )

Just because he's older doesn't mean he'll treat you better and the older guys are the ones who are more likely to treat you like a queen before becoming abusive or even raping you.

I'm sure he's a nice guy, but I really don't like the situation. Maybe I'm just being a mommy about this (I was a second mom to my siblings...literally, my mother and I refer to them as "our" kids) but I really don't approve.

But like I said up there, there's nothing I can do about it. Just remember that age doesn't mean anything, whether it's about love, or the guy's maturity and "abusive" levels.
Just because he's older, doesn't mean he's going to treat you better. In fact, it wasn't until I was with a younger guy that I was treated better and out of the abusive relationships.

Anyways, I'm just rambling now, but please don't take what I said into offence, I don't mean it like that. I just worry for people who are with someone that much older.

Cinderella stories don't always have a happy ending. You really need to take care of yourself in this situation. Make sure you know where to draw your lines and everything should be okay.


...and knows what the mind cannot understand.

Yeah. There is always that possibility, since life and people are unpredictable.

The most I know is that he has a 14 year old daughter, kids-wise.

Oh, I'm not offended. I understand where you're coming from.
3nodding

I guess I SHOULD be careful and ready no matter how sweet he is, because that can always change.

Thanks for your advice.

It's common sense, I know, but sometimes, I guess I just need someone to remind me.

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...



Eh, I'd find the 14 year old kid a turn-off right there xD I mean, you're only 4 years older D: You'd be their stepmother, and quite frankly, that's just a little weird and you can't deny it lol

But anyway, I really want you to be careful, I want you to be happy, but maybe someone closer to your own age might be better (like, within 7 or so years). They'd be more likely to have similar goals and ambitions as you and it would be easier when starting a family because by the time you're old enough to have kids (anything under 21 is probably way too young!) he'll be pretty old. I mean, what if you're 30 and want another kid? He'll be 50 and that just won't...it won't be pretty, that's for sure D:
You're kid would be 20 and he'd be near 70! (ack, sorry, just guessing with the math!!)
Anyway (again, I'm not trying to be offensive) I just want you to be careful and make sure you make the right decision for yourself because once it's too late, it's too late. There are plenty of guys around our age (I'm 20 :3) that are good guys, too. They aren't assholes just because they're young!
You don't want to throw your life away over a guy!


...and knows what the mind cannot understand.

Well.. I don't mean to say all guys around my age are assholes. Just the majority I've known around me. I don't know. Maybe I should give myself more time and guys my age more of a chance.

Eeek. That part about him being 70 and my kid being 20 kinda freaked me out a bit.

Well, I'm not really sure what the future holds for this relationship.

He works, so he's fairly busy, and I'm nearing the end of my senior year of high school.

I do admit that I feel uncomfortable with the fact that he has a kid close to my age.

I'm going to be doing some hardcore thinking.. sweatdrop  

[Angel Nicholson]

Jenitorturer

Angel Nicholson

Jenitorturer

Angel Nicholson

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...



Honestly, I'd never approve of an age gap that big no matter what you mean to each other, and I can see exactly why your parents don't approve. I mean, he could suddenly turn around and do the same thing that those boys your age did to you. Age doesn't mean a thing when it comes to that. And he's probably at the age where he wants a family and quite frankly, you're too young for that (18 is really young to be having babies!)
Anyway, nothing I say can or will stop you, but if I were you, I'd think this over thoroughly. I mean, he's 20 years older than you? He's almost as old as your parents. For all you know, he could have a kid older than you (there's a lot of cases where guys don't know about their kids D: )

Just because he's older doesn't mean he'll treat you better and the older guys are the ones who are more likely to treat you like a queen before becoming abusive or even raping you.

I'm sure he's a nice guy, but I really don't like the situation. Maybe I'm just being a mommy about this (I was a second mom to my siblings...literally, my mother and I refer to them as "our" kids) but I really don't approve.

But like I said up there, there's nothing I can do about it. Just remember that age doesn't mean anything, whether it's about love, or the guy's maturity and "abusive" levels.
Just because he's older, doesn't mean he's going to treat you better. In fact, it wasn't until I was with a younger guy that I was treated better and out of the abusive relationships.

Anyways, I'm just rambling now, but please don't take what I said into offence, I don't mean it like that. I just worry for people who are with someone that much older.

Cinderella stories don't always have a happy ending. You really need to take care of yourself in this situation. Make sure you know where to draw your lines and everything should be okay.


...and knows what the mind cannot understand.

Yeah. There is always that possibility, since life and people are unpredictable.

The most I know is that he has a 14 year old daughter, kids-wise.

Oh, I'm not offended. I understand where you're coming from.
3nodding

I guess I SHOULD be careful and ready no matter how sweet he is, because that can always change.

Thanks for your advice.

It's common sense, I know, but sometimes, I guess I just need someone to remind me.

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...



Eh, I'd find the 14 year old kid a turn-off right there xD I mean, you're only 4 years older D: You'd be their stepmother, and quite frankly, that's just a little weird and you can't deny it lol

But anyway, I really want you to be careful, I want you to be happy, but maybe someone closer to your own age might be better (like, within 7 or so years). They'd be more likely to have similar goals and ambitions as you and it would be easier when starting a family because by the time you're old enough to have kids (anything under 21 is probably way too young!) he'll be pretty old. I mean, what if you're 30 and want another kid? He'll be 50 and that just won't...it won't be pretty, that's for sure D:
You're kid would be 20 and he'd be near 70! (ack, sorry, just guessing with the math!!)
Anyway (again, I'm not trying to be offensive) I just want you to be careful and make sure you make the right decision for yourself because once it's too late, it's too late. There are plenty of guys around our age (I'm 20 :3) that are good guys, too. They aren't assholes just because they're young!
You don't want to throw your life away over a guy!


...and knows what the mind cannot understand.

Well.. I don't mean to say all guys around my age are assholes. Just the majority I've known around me. I don't know. Maybe I should give myself more time and guys my age more of a chance.

Eeek. That part about him being 70 and my kid being 20 kinda freaked me out a bit.

Well, I'm not really sure what the future holds for this relationship.

He works, so he's fairly busy, and I'm nearing the end of my senior year of high school.

I do admit that I feel uncomfortable with the fact that he has a kid close to my age.

I'm going to be doing some hardcore thinking.. sweatdrop

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...



I'm not trying to freak you out sweatdrop but you need to make sure it's what you want.
You just don't want to jump into anything either at your age D:
I just think your future might be better if you were with someone closer to your age. I mean, even 7 years isn't that bad =P
Like I said before, I'm just worried about you redface



...and knows what the mind cannot understand.

 

[Jenitorturer]

Angel Nicholson

Jenitorturer

Angel Nicholson

Jenitorturer

Angel Nicholson

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...



Honestly, I'd never approve of an age gap that big no matter what you mean to each other, and I can see exactly why your parents don't approve. I mean, he could suddenly turn around and do the same thing that those boys your age did to you. Age doesn't mean a thing when it comes to that. And he's probably at the age where he wants a family and quite frankly, you're too young for that (18 is really young to be having babies!)
Anyway, nothing I say can or will stop you, but if I were you, I'd think this over thoroughly. I mean, he's 20 years older than you? He's almost as old as your parents. For all you know, he could have a kid older than you (there's a lot of cases where guys don't know about their kids D: )

Just because he's older doesn't mean he'll treat you better and the older guys are the ones who are more likely to treat you like a queen before becoming abusive or even raping you.

I'm sure he's a nice guy, but I really don't like the situation. Maybe I'm just being a mommy about this (I was a second mom to my siblings...literally, my mother and I refer to them as "our" kids) but I really don't approve.

But like I said up there, there's nothing I can do about it. Just remember that age doesn't mean anything, whether it's about love, or the guy's maturity and "abusive" levels.
Just because he's older, doesn't mean he's going to treat you better. In fact, it wasn't until I was with a younger guy that I was treated better and out of the abusive relationships.

Anyways, I'm just rambling now, but please don't take what I said into offence, I don't mean it like that. I just worry for people who are with someone that much older.

Cinderella stories don't always have a happy ending. You really need to take care of yourself in this situation. Make sure you know where to draw your lines and everything should be okay.


...and knows what the mind cannot understand.

Yeah. There is always that possibility, since life and people are unpredictable.

The most I know is that he has a 14 year old daughter, kids-wise.

Oh, I'm not offended. I understand where you're coming from.
3nodding

I guess I SHOULD be careful and ready no matter how sweet he is, because that can always change.

Thanks for your advice.

It's common sense, I know, but sometimes, I guess I just need someone to remind me.

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...



Eh, I'd find the 14 year old kid a turn-off right there xD I mean, you're only 4 years older D: You'd be their stepmother, and quite frankly, that's just a little weird and you can't deny it lol

But anyway, I really want you to be careful, I want you to be happy, but maybe someone closer to your own age might be better (like, within 7 or so years). They'd be more likely to have similar goals and ambitions as you and it would be easier when starting a family because by the time you're old enough to have kids (anything under 21 is probably way too young!) he'll be pretty old. I mean, what if you're 30 and want another kid? He'll be 50 and that just won't...it won't be pretty, that's for sure D:
You're kid would be 20 and he'd be near 70! (ack, sorry, just guessing with the math!!)
Anyway (again, I'm not trying to be offensive) I just want you to be careful and make sure you make the right decision for yourself because once it's too late, it's too late. There are plenty of guys around our age (I'm 20 :3) that are good guys, too. They aren't assholes just because they're young!
You don't want to throw your life away over a guy!


...and knows what the mind cannot understand.

Well.. I don't mean to say all guys around my age are assholes. Just the majority I've known around me. I don't know. Maybe I should give myself more time and guys my age more of a chance.

Eeek. That part about him being 70 and my kid being 20 kinda freaked me out a bit.

Well, I'm not really sure what the future holds for this relationship.

He works, so he's fairly busy, and I'm nearing the end of my senior year of high school.

I do admit that I feel uncomfortable with the fact that he has a kid close to my age.

I'm going to be doing some hardcore thinking.. sweatdrop

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...



I'm not trying to freak you out sweatdrop but you need to make sure it's what you want.
You just don't want to jump into anything either at your age D:
I just think your future might be better if you were with someone closer to your age. I mean, even 7 years isn't that bad =P
Like I said before, I'm just worried about you redface



...and knows what the mind cannot understand.

redface It feels really good to know that you care about my well being. Sometimes I don't trust myself... so i should start listening to what others have to say.

So I'd like to thank you for taking the time to reply to all of this.

I just need to get my head all cleared up generally.

My ex fiance's still fueled by jealousy and yeah..

Just aloot to contend with.  

[Texasrose1]

I met my Hubby on a blind date found out he was 19yrs older than me and flipped out cause I knew that's what my parents would think.
Long story short a girl in a bar bathroom asked me if I loved him.
We have been married 17yrs.  

[Jenitorturer]

Texasrose1

I met my Hubby on a blind date found out he was 19yrs older than me and flipped out cause I knew that's what my parents would think.
Long story short a girl in a bar bathroom asked me if I loved him.
We have been married 17yrs.

Oh wow. Congrats on the long marriage! <3

I dunno. As I think more and more about this, I'm having my doubts and concerns setting in.

It works for some people, such as yourself, but it's not for everyone.

I'm hoping that if I choose to stay in this relationship with him, it'll work out and we'll end up as successful as you and your husband .  

[Texasrose1]

Just don't rush into anything your not sure of at your age you have time to think about these thing's  

[Jenitorturer]

Yeah. I'll think this over pretty well.  

[Hersheydudette]

I've seen age differences work out. My dad's 15 years older than my mom. I think he's older than her youngest aunt. But they also met when my mom was like 22. Fact is, when you're younger, there's a big difference between ages. Like if you take a five year old and a seven year old, they'll be on completely different levels in terms of development. Same basic concept with someone way older than you. The younger you are, the more likely they are to be on a different page. When you're in your 20's, I think you're close to at the same level. You're (usually) ready to settle down and start having kids at that point. But when you're 18, you've still got life in ya. =)

The other thing that kind of worries me (but which I see you've sort of addressed) is the thing about guys your age being abusive and age undoing that. I agree with Angel Nicholson--there are definitely some amazing younger guys out there. They may be far and few between, but younger guys also usually don't have the wisdom to conceal any abusiveness first like older guys might. Sooooo... good luck. xD I dunno, I thought I'd just throw in my two cents. The other girls gave some good advice, I think.  

[Jenitorturer]

Hersheydudette

I've seen age differences work out. My dad's 15 years older than my mom. I think he's older than her youngest aunt. But they also met when my mom was like 22. Fact is, when you're younger, there's a big difference between ages. Like if you take a five year old and a seven year old, they'll be on completely different levels in terms of development. Same basic concept with someone way older than you. The younger you are, the more likely they are to be on a different page. When you're in your 20's, I think you're close to at the same level. You're (usually) ready to settle down and start having kids at that point. But when you're 18, you've still got life in ya. =)

The other thing that kind of worries me (but which I see you've sort of addressed) is the thing about guys your age being abusive and age undoing that. I agree with Angel Nicholson--there are definitely some amazing younger guys out there. They may be far and few between, but younger guys also usually don't have the wisdom to conceal any abusiveness first like older guys might. Sooooo... good luck. xD I dunno, I thought I'd just throw in my two cents. The other girls gave some good advice, I think.

Thanks. I HAVE met some amazing guys around my age, they were all taken or looking for something different, though. :/

If I discontinue the relationship, I don't mind waiting for a great guy around my age to come along, although age doesn't always matter, it would be nice if I could find someone good who's closer to 18.