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 Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 7:40 pm
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ok, first off, thank you or reading this, it means alot, and second this is a slightly mature situation and i would be greatly thankful to not be "hated" on or such, im doing that enough to myself already.
now then! sweatdrop
im 15, and currently "seeing" a 16 year old childhood friend i recently re-connected with, its been many, many months now and we have this thing where we tell each other anything the other asks since we both have trust issues. but, see, im what some may choose to call "innocent" dont get me wrong, i have had quite a bit of boy friends and im not un-popular, but i just had my first kiss last year and just recently had my first make out and had a guy uh, how to put it, "feel me up"? (for lack of a more tasteful way to say it.) he recently asked me how "un-innocent" i was, and i told him he was all so far but first kiss. mind you this was very surprising since i was teased as being a slut and such since most of my friends are guys and very social. when i asked him back i found out he had well, "fingerd" a girl and had had a "B.J" (please do not ask me to say it...) this very much shocked me and im still not sure how to feel about it, i mean, its high school, i understand those around me have "been there done that" more then i would like to believe, but i new this boy when he was coated in finger paint, and mind you, he did all this with a girl he dated for 2 months, and he said he didnt even love her. oh, and did i forget to tell you i know this girl and were friends and i first found all all this from her and had to ask him about it?
now, he says how he is in true honest, mad love with me and regrets ever even looking at another girl, mind you im not foolish, i dont believe he will always feel this way or even if he really does, and ive told him as much, but i do feel very happy and loved around him and can just be myself, that i love, him, well, thats the problem, i dont know if i can love someone who will one day take all that is new to me and my "firsts" though its just "another one" to him, i dont know how to feel about it, i know i dont like it very much, and someone who is so close to my age gone that far and admit it makes me shiver, but i part of me knows people make mistakes and have regrets and that this is "normal" and i cant hate him for that, right? and he doesnt pressure me in the least, he says how if i say no thats the end of it, but hes VERY big on P.D.A, kissing in public and hanging on me and such, and unlike practily every other you adult my age i do not like that in the least, thats the only thing that he does that is a rough point for me.
anyway, what i really need you wonderful gaian ladies to help me with is how to deal with it, none of our friends know were together (all my past ex's cheated on me horribly so there so protective they wont let me date anyone and since its highschool we know nothing but drama would happen for making it public and since were in the same group it made sense. and it was my idea) so i have no one to talk to this about, but its getting to the point when he touches me i wonder if hes comparing the feel of my skin to hers, if hes thinking about doing the same things to me, and where exactly that hands been, and i pull away and tease him about it as a way to cover my blushing, which makes feel unimaginably guilty about it, but i just dont know what to do, i want to be able to relax around him again without worring hes going to do the same thing to me that she did to him.... please help, please, i will be in ur debt for a lifetime heart
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Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 8:11 pm
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Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 8:19 pm
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Posted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 7:11 pm
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Posted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 7:12 pm
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Posted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 10:31 am
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The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...
I had the same problem that was in the orange paragraph. I'd had a lot of boyfriends, but only ever kissed two and let one "feel me up" (also lack of better way to say it).
The guys I was friends with liked me (I was a bit oblivious at the time) and we always flirted (again, I was a very oblivious teen) and I didn't really notice I did that.
All the guys I hung out with and other people outside our group started saying I was a slut. I was a virgin til I was almost 19 and they all said I was a slut. Even when my boyfriend and I had a scare, they all blamed it on me, when I had been the virgin and he wasn't. He ******** around with some girl for about a year, about 3 years before he met me. He'd only been about 15 at the time he was "with" that girl (she was a "friend with benefits" though...he never did kiss her :/ ).
Anyway, you just have to ignore the things they say like that.
I'm also not much one for PDA, but you get around it easily if you explain it to him.
Also, I felt like "just another one" when I had sex with my boyfriend. I felt like just another girl. The truth is, I was, but the difference was, he loved me. I meant more to him than that girl and he doesn't think about her anymore. It hurts that I didn't get what I gave him in return, but the point is, he loved me for who I was and not just because I'd give him a blow job (I don't do those under any circumstances, it's just not my thing).
I know I've been rambling on here, but basically, don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Your friends do need to let go of you a little, and let you date who you want. But don't do anything with this guy until you're honest to god ready for it. And don't lie to yourself. If you have doubts, don't do it.
He has touched another girl, but...there's not much you can do about that. It was his choice. And the things he did to her, (fingering and whatnot) he probably does think about doing them to you, but because he wishes it was you or something like that. Not because he wishes she were you. And where those hands have been? Honey, I'm sure he's washed them since then (a little bit of a joke, but it helped me get over it when I was going through it). Just because he did those things with her, doesn't mean he enjoyed them and you can't be upset with him over that. He didn't do it to hurt you.
Sorry if I rambled on and didn't make sense, my boyfriend was kind of a jerk today and I'm a little upset. I come here and post to make myself feel better :3...and knows what the mind cannot understand. |
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