Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll

[ecopper12]

I know I said I wouldn't do this anymore, but I need you to help me with this. If it's possible, just ignore any minor grammar flaws. Focus on content and style. If you find any glaring errors, please let me know. I'll fix it. It's a story I am writing. Also! Pain, I describe my characters a lot more now. Anyway, here it is. It's nowhere near being done.

Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll

By Erik Copper

Introduction

Sex, drugs, and Rock and Roll. Those were the staples of life in the early sixties. Rock was still a little fledgling genre of music, but it caught on quickly and went on to become one of the biggest music genres of all time. Be it the British Invasion, Woodstock, Motown, or another big event, you can be sure that many of the fans were gathered to see their favorite singers perform. It brought many people together, and even tore some apart. No matter which way you saw it, it was an undeniable fact: Rock and Roll was big. Now that you know the era, it's to meet the people. John Starr, Xavier Silverstone, Jacob Starr, and Max Hilroy were all just teens trying to make it through those times. They struggled making money on their own, but when they found each other they were a team that couldn't be stopped. Meet Flash: The band that would rock you into a coma.

Chapter 1: In the Beginning

“No mom, I did not see John after school. He's probably with the others.” Jacob said irritated. This was a common occurrence in the Starr household. Everyday Jacob would come home from school and get the third degree from his mother. Jacob's brown eyes focused on his mother's face as she stared as him. It was as if she was waiting for his facial expression to give off any indication that he was telling a lie. When she saw it was a wasted effort, she turned back to the stove.

“I honestly don't know what I am going to do with that boy. He is always running off with those friends of his. No wonder he gets into so much trouble. Those kids are a bad influence.” She said, her motherly rambling kicking in; once she got started, she could never stop. It was a wonder Jacob was still able to put up with it. “It's times like these I wish your father was still with us.” Jacob was familiar with the routine by now. She would drone on about the other kids, and would always end up talking about his father. It made Jacob even more annoyed then when he was interrogated. Why couldn't she just accept the fact that Ron Starr wasn't coming back? Jacob stormed up the stairs to his room to avoid the inevitable flood of emotional stress from his mother.

As he walked to his room, he caught a glimpse of himself in the hallway mirror. His brown, shoulder length hair was a little messy at the moment. It reminded him of how different he was from his brother. John would always keep his blond hair short. He never really let it grow as Jacob did. Their eyes were the same color, but that was really the only quality the shared. Jacob was only sixteen, and John was nineteen. Despite only a three year gap, their personalities couldn't have been more different. Jacob was a nice kid. He listened to his mother and never stayed out past curfew. John was a rebel. He never listened and did whatever he damn well pleased. Jacob told him time and time again that it would be his downfall. “One of these days you are gonna need to listen to mom's advice. Of course, you won't. You'll end up in a mess of trouble and we won't be able to help you.” He would always say. John would always shrug and chuck something at Jacob to make his leave the room.

It was a bearable relationship. They had their moments, but when it came down to it, they were just like any other family.  

[Den Dristige Djevelen]

~*~

Good to see you did at least some basic research on the genre.

The story itself is tolerable. There could have been a better transition between subjects in the intro, though, besides, "Now that you know the era...". That kind of ruined the effect for me. You started out so well, but that sentence was so 5th grade that it brought down the entire hook, which was excellent.

I wish the first Chapter had more in it. You did a good job introducing the first few characters, but there was nothing else there except development. Don't get me wrong, development is fantastic, but when you have an introduction like yours, I think you should have tied them into each other, if that makes sense. Right now it looks like a generic story rather than one centered around the rock and roll industry. Speaking of, what decade are you setting this in? VIIIIIITAL point in a story such as this.

~*~

 

[ecopper12]

The first chapter is one I am still working on. I am going to make edits soon as well. I am setting it in the early seventies. That is when all the up and coming bands were struggling to make it big. I have a few questions for you though.

Should I take out the transition in the intro? Or should I leave it in there?

I am currently writing a part in Chapter one where John comes home way after curfew to find his mother in hysteria. Should I keep that or cut to what he is doing in it's place?

Could you elaborate just a bit more on what you mean by tying the intro and chapter one together?

Sorry for all the questions. I am trying to make this perfect.  

[Den Dristige Djevelen]

ecopper12

early seventies. That is when all the up and coming bands were struggling to make it big

~*~

Sweetie, there was no set time in the era when bands were trying to make it big. That was an ongoing thing. However, the seventies is a good place to be.

1. Take it out, so that instead of:

...undeniable fact: Rock and Roll was big. Now that you know the era, it's to meet the people. John Starr, Xavier Silverstone, Jacob Starr, and Max Hilroy were all just teens...

you have:

...undeniable fact: Rock and Roll was big. John Starr, Xavier Silverstone, Jacob Starr, and Max Hilroy were all just teens...

That way it's, "Here's what it was like. And oh look, here are some examples."

2. Both. What came to mind for me was setting it up so she's interrogating him like only a mother can, and while he's lying through his teeth, toss in flashbacks to what he was really doing.

At the simplest:

"What were you doing?"

[Insert all sorts of sinful happiness and teenage rebellion. Make it choppy, like you're reading it through what he's feeling.]

"Hanging out with the guys."

You know?

3. Just try to throw in a few elements from the decade. Maybe he's wearing a Rolling Stones T-shirt, or he's daydreaming about what it would have been like to go to Woodstock, or Mom is switching the radio from Led Zeppelin to something she finds nice and acceptable. You want the reader to know that they're reading a story about rock and roll and how it affected different people, rather than just reading about some family in some city with sons who just happen to be in a garage band. That second option can drag it from something as revolutionary as the 70s and place it in the present.

~*~

 

[ecopper12]

Alrighty then. I'll have the edited version up sometime later. I can do that. Thanks for the help Dris.  

[ecopper12]

I'm not sure if I should edit the first post, so I won't just to show what I changed. Here is the intro and the completed chapter one.

Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll

By Erik Copper

Introduction

Sex, drugs, and Rock and Roll. Those were the staples of life in the early sixties. Rock was still a little fledgling genre of music, but it caught on quickly and went on to become one of the biggest music genres of all time. Be it the British Invasion, Woodstock, Motown, or another big event, you can be sure that many of the fans were gathered to see their favorite singers perform. It brought many people together, and even tore some apart. No matter which way you saw it, it was an undeniable fact: Rock and Roll was big. John Starr, Xavier Silverstone, Jacob Starr, and Max Hilroy were all just teens trying to make it through those times. They struggled making money on their own, but when they found each other they were a team that couldn't be stopped. Meet Flash: The band that would rock you into a coma.

Chapter 1: In the Beginning

“No mom, I did not see John after school. He's probably with the others.” Jacob said irritated. This was a common occurrence in the Starr household. Everyday Jacob would come home from school and get the third degree from his mother. Jacob's brown eyes focused on his mother's face as she stared as him. It was as if she was waiting for his facial expression to give off any indication that he was telling a lie. When she saw it was a wasted effort, she turned back to the stove. As she cooked dinner for the kids she sighed heavily and fumbled with the radio to try to switch it from Led Zepplin, to something more calming. It was all that played on the radio nowadays. Nothing good would come from this, “Rock and Roll.”

“I honestly don't know what I am going to do with that boy. He is always running off with those friends of his. No wonder he gets into so much trouble. Those kids are a bad influence.” She said, her motherly rambling kicking in; once she got started, she could never stop. It was a wonder Jacob was still able to put up with it. “It's times like these I wish your father was still with us.” Jacob was familiar with the routine by now. She would drone on about the other kids, and would always end up talking about his father. It made Jacob even more annoyed then when he was interrogated. Why couldn't she just accept the fact that Ron Starr wasn't coming back? Jacob stormed up the stairs to his room to avoid the inevitable flood of emotional stress from his mother.

As he walked to his room, he caught a glimpse of himself in the hallway mirror. His brown, shoulder length hair was a little messy at the moment. It reminded him of how different he was from his brother. John would always keep his blond hair short. He never really let it grow as Jacob did. Their eyes were the same color, but that was really the only quality the shared. Jacob was only sixteen, and John was nineteen. Despite only a three year gap, their personalities couldn't have been more different. Jacob was a nice kid. He listened to his mother and never stayed out past curfew. John was a rebel. He never listened and did whatever he damn well pleased. Jacob told him time and time again that it would be his downfall. “One of these days you are gonna need to listen to mom's advice. Of course, you won't. You'll end up in a mess of trouble and we won't be able to help you.” He would always say. John would always shrug and chuck something at Jacob to make him leave the room. It was a bearable relationship. They had their moments, but when it came down to it, they were just like any other family.

It was ten o'clock. Jacob had been up for a while trying to calm his mother, who was in a state of hysteria. John hadn't come home yet, and they haven't heard a word from him or anyone else about him. Jacob's mother was crying uncontrollably, her blond hair was in tangles. She had expected the worst. Suddenly, and almost inaudibly, the doorknob creaked as it turned. The door opened to reveal John, standing there with his drum sticks in hand. There was a long moment of silence. Jacob's mother had stopped crying, and was now staring at her son like he was a total stranger. She slowly got to her feet and wobbled her way over to him. John hadn't said anything yet, and looked at her with a confused look

“Mom I-” He began.

“Where the hell were you?!?” She screamed at him. John took a step back to avoid the hand of his mother. As she tried to slap him again, John caught his mother's arm in his grip.

“I was with the guys, mom! Jesus, don't act like this!” He said almost as loudly.

“Hey John, you should come with us. We are starting a band and we're in need of a wicked drummer. You in?” John took a drag from the cigarette he had in his mouth and turned his head to his friends. Xavier and Max looked at him with eager eyes. John contemplated the offer for a moment, before flicking ash off the end of his cigarette and nodding.

“Alright! Let's get to my house. We'll have a great session.” Xavier said pumping his fist in the air.

“That's bullshit! You know you have to be home by six! What the hell kept you?” His mom said wrenching her arm from his hold.

“We were doing band practice! For ******** sake, mom. I was four hours late! It's not the end of the world!”

“Band practice? I don't want you playing that shitty devil music!” His mother screeched.

“Ready guys? One, two, three, four!” They began to play, Max on vocals, Xavier on guitar, and John drummed. It was a music session for the ages. They played the only thing they knew well: Rock and Roll. They must have been playing for hours when John finally realized the time. It was nine o'clock. He had missed curfew.

“s**t! Guys, it's been fun and all,but I have to run!” He said as he ran out of the garage. He got into his car and slammed the door shut, peeling off without looking back to see his friend's faces.

“It's not the devil's music, mom! It's what I like, and if you don't like that, well then too ******** bad.” John said as he stormed up the stairs to his room. Jacob had witnessed the whole scene silently from his place at the back of the living room. He mother looked at him with teary eyes and mouthed the words, “I'm so sorry.” Jacob just walked past her and up the stairs to his room. He would get no sleep that night.  

[ecopper12]

I just got a good idea from someone. I want to see what you guys think though. They said start with a flash forward. Have one of the band member's death as the prologue, and have the rest tell the story. Does that sound good?  

[Den Dristige Djevelen]

~*~

Sure.

~*~