Xx-Night-Ninja-Dark-xX
Hey...How Are You... Do You Hate Me Or Something....? You Never Talk To Me Anymore... Its Like I Did Something Wrong Or Something... I Don't Know...
The following was my response;
"*sigh* I don't know why I haven't been talking to you. I've just been thinking about when we were together, and it really hurts lately. I mean.... When we were going out I did my best to make you happy, and to protect you from any perceived enemies you had, at the cost of myself. Then it ended... And not even with you telling me it was over. I had to find out from the person you're going out with now that it had apparently been over for a long time--or even better, had never happened at all. I mean.... I don't expect you to feel anything for me. Maybe I'm just bitter, but it still hurts to think about. It feels like it didn't mean anything to you even while it was still going on.... Like... It was just a game or something. I get depressed when I think about it. You didn't even treat me like your girlfriend, except when we were alone, and even then it was only little things, like the time you reminded me of our anniversary. I understand wanting to hide something like that from your mom, but did you have to hide it from everyone else too? When I talked about you to my friends, I referred to you as my girlfriend. Did you ever do the same for me? Or was I just your friend Cassy? I just want to know that it meant something when we were together.... I really thought I loved you--Or don't you remember when I'd say it just before I hung up the phone? You said it to me first, "I love you, oh my god, I love you!" and you made a big deal about how you'd never said that to a girl you were going out with before, and after that you never said it again. I wanted so badly to hear those words from you.... Not anymore, obviously... I know now that it wasn't real love, that it was just a silly fantasy from a romantic at heart, but at the time, it hurt so much that you didn't say it back. Don't take any of this personally, I know that it's probably just a casual thought for you... You probably weren't even aware that you were pushing me away every time you chose another's company over mine, or you kissed another person (or if you were unwilling in those kisses, when you still forgave them......). I'm not mad at you. I want desperately not to be mad at you. But I just feel so dark and depressed every time I think about it all... I look at you, and I keep being afraid that you'll say something to remind me, and break my heart all over again...... I don't enjoy being angry, or bitter, and I don't enjoy thinking these negative thoughts, but I look at you and they just won't get out of my head..... I'm afraid to trust you with any part of me again. I would love to still be friends, but I don't feel as if I can properly be your friend if I'm holding anything back...."
I don't know if I handled that situation properly, or not..... I mean, she's always playing the victim, talking about how others are always spreading rumors about her, but then I have people I didn't even know knew her talking about how she went out with them and cheated on them... I don't know who to believe, or if I should just cut her out of my life, or if I should forgive her... But I just don't want to be soaked into her drama anymore.... And I don't know how to tell her without hurting her feelings, [assuming the heartless b***h has any feelings to hurt...] <------And I keep getting thoughts like that, and I don't like it at all.... I really really don't want to harbour any of these negative feelings toward anyone... But at the same time, she makes me feel negative things for other people... I don't know what to do....
