Living on Own/Friend issues

[Celtic Enya]

Issue 1
One of my "friends" has been trying to contact me. I have been ignoring her since I have mixed emotions about her. Sometimes she's not to bad when we go out for a good night (unfortunately it's mainly drinking when she loosens up), but other times she will put me down and constantly criticize me because I don't do pot/other things she loves to do. She will try to get me to smoke pot, but I got enough drama as it is with work and college I can't afford more. I just found out all these things she said about me behind my back. She wants to be friends again, but I don't know how to considering I balance work with college. Guess high school never does end in a way drama wise. I wish I could go to church because for some reason when I'm around those people they help me to relax.

I only get one completely free day every two weeks. It's tough and we live 2 hours away. I would either have to give her my schedule and work around it or ask when we could hang out/give a two weeks notice. It almost seems more like a drinking buddy relationship. I rarely go to bars anymore due to certain issues I had in them.

So to sum this one up: Do you think I should go back to being friends with her or let the friendship die and bite the bullet with her harsh words?

Issue 2
I don't live with my parents anymore and live on my own in an apartment. It's been about 3 months, but there are times where I wonder if I should still live with my parents (my brother does and he's 25). I'm 22 right now. Almost all my good friends had kids (some out of wedlock) and are married (or soon to be) and have moved on with their life and I am happy for them. Only thing is I want to have a stable job before I end up getting married to someone who I might not love 100%. So I am lonely pretty often, but yet I feel extremely happy when I am in classes for culinary arts. I don't know why, but the people accept me for who I am. It's like they make me feel like I belong there. That's why I tend to hang around older adults instead of people my age. They seem more understanding and can give extremely good advice when you feel lost/confused.

I'm really trying my hardest to be more responsible of my life and managing things, but there are days when I just have so many issues strike me at once and I don't know what to do. Normally it takes a lot to push me out of my comfort zone and my friends were shocked when they heard I moved closer to my college area so I could continue classes there. I'm 2 hours away from home. I'm not too far, but far enough that I wouldn't just pop into my mom/dad's house for a hello how's it going.

My parents also thought I was crazy when I mentioned this idea of living on my own, working, and attending college and tried to convince me to go to a college closer by, but it was more expensive and this college seems a bit more relaxed on how you can take your courses compared to some that you can only take this class at this time and no other way. Then again this is a community college I am at.

The other reason I moved is because I really want to try and start to handle myself and be responsible instead of relying on my parents for everything. My dad is near retirement age and my moms doesn't work/knees are going downhill. I know for sure they won't be able to support me forever and I want to try to figure out what it's like now before something too drastic happens where they can't help me anymore.

So to sum it up: Do you think I made the right choice?

I am sorry for this big posting, but I never knew where to post all these advice questions at since I highly doubt a highschooler would understand. That's the main reason I didn't post this in the Lifestyle discussions since you can get the teens/highschoolers giving out advice. I have nothing against them I just want an older adults opinion.  

[lady leko-chan]

My dear girl -
It may seem hard to believe this but, you are 100% clear thinking. The only thing you need to be questioning is why you are questioning yourself at all. Sounds to me like you want a good successful and comfortable life. There is nothing wrong with that.
My answer to your questions is as follows:

Your "friend" does not seem like a friend, sounds more like a leech. And maybe be leeching off your good energy. If you let her she will suck you dry in the end. You make good choices it sounds like, there is nothing wrong with moving away from home. In fact it shows great strength and confidence to be able to do that. You've done all stated actions for sound logical reasons - in my opinion you seem very intelligent.

My advice - trust in yourself more, sounds to me like you will not be doing to do yourself any wrong if you do. Don't let other people get under your skin and influence you just because you are more capable minded than they are.  

[Liada Trovaras]

Hun I was 20 when I first moved out from my folks. It seemed a little crazy at first but I was moving out with one of my best friends at the time and I did all the research with her before I finally told my parents because I wanted to show them the results of how well they tried to raise me. My dad always keeps telling me how proud he was for that and my mom was actually and surprisingly the nervous one. I have yet to move back to my folks and granted things have been really tough in more ways than one in these last 5ish years but I haven't regretted one moment yet. So I can totally understand how you're feeling about getting a little lonely.

One option you can think about is maybe get a room mate? I've lived with roomies pretty much my whole time since I moved out. I've had my share of good and bad but again everything in life has their share of both. There are days where I get my own alone time and then when my roomies are home I have some good moments as well. Another idea is maybe make some play dates with your culinary classmates or study groups once a week, this way you get to play hostess, you get to enjoy time with your classmates that give you that secure good vibes outside of the classroom as well as in.

As for the Ex-friend/Acquaintance of yours. I've had to burn bridges that I wish I could rebuild. But looking back at the situations I realized that these were the times where they had to be burned so that I could move forward with my life as well as grow to who I am now. As much as its a pleasant thought to try to keep in touch with people that you used to have strong connections before but time shows that distance and events change people either for better or worse. Perhaps your acquaintance says these things about you because maybe she's unhappy with her current situation in her life. Or maybe its something totally irrelevant. Just know that there will be people in your life that will continually be at your back in one way shape or form. And there will be others where they were there to be in your life for a purpose for one period of time. It's what makes a person grow and show them who they are. My opinion is it may be time to close this chapter of your life with her and start a new chapter.

Finally on an overall statement. Like Leko-chan said. Sounds like you got a good plan going, and yea there are gonna be hard times still ahead. But you're doing great. Keep at it! And PM me or anyone else here if you want life stories or other advice. ^^  

[FireSpark]

Well, looks like the good advice, or at least good reassurances have been given. But allow me to pass on something that I wished someone would have had the guts to tell me when I moved out at 18.

It's gonna be rough.

Oh, I don't mean facing hardships, and overcoming obstacles. I mean life is going to throw you a curveball so screwy you're going to wish you were back in grade school.

Don't let it get to you. So life can be hard. Doubting yourself only makes things worse. Trust me on that. You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders, and that's a good start to making it out there.

Plus, you're 22. Uncertainty is all part of the game. Because despite what some may think, 21 is not the age of "all grown up". Be yourself, make mistakes, accept them, and then learn from them. You'll do just fine.