Poem

[Blood_Reina]

Let me know if the Translation from Italian to English is ok ^^
'Cause I'm Italian and I'd like to know if the English version is correct ^^

THANKS! heart

Oh and tell me if you like it or not XD

Corpo Senz'Anima


Vuoto.

Dentro e fuori me.

Freddo.

Nel costato un cuore batteva...
Il mio!


Ora non sento più nulla!

Apatia.
Mi pervade silenziosa.

Un involucro senz'anima aspetta che gli rivenga data la VITA...
Una parvenza di VITA, almeno...


Ma ciò che sento è...
NULLA...


Un involucro che cammina,
respira,
vive...

Ma pur sempre un involucro...

La mia anima è morta...

Sepolta sotto le macerie del dolore...

E solo l'Amore, forse, può ridarle il suo trono...

FORSE...


________________________________________________________


"A Body Without Its Soul"


Emptiness.

Inside and outside me.

Cool.

In this chest a heart beat ...
Mine!

Now I do not feel anything!

Apathy.
Pervading quietly.

A soulless shell expects the day when such shape comes to life ...
A semblance of life, at least ...

But what I feel is ...
nothing but emptiness ...

A shell that walks,
breathes,
survives...

But still a shell ...

My soul is dead ...

Buried under the rubble of my pains ...

Only Love, perhaps, can give back his throne ...

MAYBE one day ...

 

[Umi Pryde]

I enjoyed it, and though I can't read Italian and can't give you a "yes" or "no" on how well you translated, I do have a comment for you.

Only Love, perhaps, can give back his throne ...


was the only line I had a problem with. You are speaking in first person, and that voice is speaking of their own soul. this phrase stands out from the poem, because you switch out of first person in it and with the following line you go right back to it.
Easiest way is to switch "his" to "my" or "its" depending on how you want to word it.

The only way I see that line fitting into the poem is if you personify "Love" as a "him" earlier in the poem.

let me know if you edit this, I'd enjoy seeing what you do with it.  

[Blood_Reina]

Yeah "his" refers to "Love"
I personify it into a him, since I'm a female..
But it can be a him or a her depending on your sex and sex orientations..
I think a "its" should be more neutral.. maybe It'll be a generalization of it
And yeah for an Italian (who doesn't speak/write in a good English) is hard to write a poem ^^'
But I can assure you that the two versions are really similar about rhythm and metaphors too
I think in English is much more... sweet then in Italian.
With Italian the sound is similar to an angry shout, while in English is much more similar to a suffering but melancholic melody

Let me know, if you need more explanations ^^
And THANKS for the comment!