Baby you're a firework [serious thread]

[AquilaLiberum]

Suites,

Do you ever feel like you can't be yourself around certain people not because your feelings will get hurt when they ridicule you, but because you're likely to start an argument with them and make for a very awkward situation?

I was at my friend's engagement party tonight and my housemate Gerard was taking the piss out of me for singing along to the Katy Perry songs they were playing, using his stock phrases such as "Son I am disappoint" etc. I had to keep it on the DL because I know that if I acted like I normally would, he'd probably disown me. I think he's a bit of a d**k, so I'm not afraid of being disowned, but of the awkwardness that would be caused by it, especially since we live together.

This might not make much sense, I'm really really angry right now and my thoughts are all just a blur. I hate having to not be myself so that I don't start arguments with him and others when they ridicule me for acting how I want.

I don't know what I'm thinking, like I said, it's a blur, sorry if this is just a random string of sentences.

Qui are sad. sad

~Nya-ha!~
blaugh

 

[The Great Freddie Mercury]

Sounds a bit like bullying to me. sad I have perfected the art of behaving as I think others expect me to behave, though, so I know how draining it is.

I wish I knew what to tell you. Would it be awkward because of your other friends or just between the 2 of you? Because I'm inclined to tell him to shove it. It's not like singing along to songs is a socially unacceptable thing to do. o_O  

[Lychee Fruit]

I never know what to do in a situation like that. It seems people blame the victim if the victim tries to make the bully stop - and then it's, "Why did YOU have to ruin this important event for everyone?" Uh, because this a*****e was ruining it for me? stare

I wish I knew if there was a better way, but until somebody figures it out, good for you for being considerate of your other friends and not making a scene. Unlike the douche who was picking on you.  

[comfylove]

The short answer to your question: no, I never feel like that.

What's the point in having friends if you cannot be yourself around them? neutral  

[AquilaLiberum]

Comfledore

The short answer to your question: no, I never feel like that.

What's the point in having friends if you cannot be yourself around them? neutral

I live with him and a few others and will do for the next 8 months so I need to keep things nice if I'm to avoid an awkward situation. It's not just him, I feel like I have to pretend a little with my other housemates too. Aoibheann is the only one I feel comfortable around and she's always just in her room sad  

[Den Dristige Djevelen]

~*~

):
That sucks.
In fact, it sucks hairy donkey wanker.

I know what it's like to curb oneself for fear of being looked at weirdly. It's not fun at all. Ordinarily, I'd tell you to give them a swift kick in the teeth and be done with it. But considering your circumstances, laying low may be all you can do when it comes to your housemates. When it gets close to the end of those 8 months, start actively looking for somewhere to be so you can finally tell them all to kiss your a** while you walk away. Until then, all I can suggest is slip into Aoibheann's room more often to chill with her, or get yourself a sweet new best friend with whom you can be totally genuine, and spend as much time with them as possible.

We love you, Qui. <3

~*~

 

[Maze]

Aquila15

Comfledore

The short answer to your question: no, I never feel like that.

What's the point in having friends if you cannot be yourself around them? neutral

I live with him and a few others and will do for the next 8 months so I need to keep things nice if I'm to avoid an awkward situation. It's not just him, I feel like I have to pretend a little with my other housemates too. Aoibheann is the only one I feel comfortable around and she's always just in her room sad

How do you even pronounce Aoibheann? I tried that, and it came out as "Aoi bean," and I know that can't be right. XD; Maybe she's in her room all the time cause you both got sucky room-mates. o:

Sucks to have sucky room-mates. *Crinkles nose* Yay for Qui liking Katy Perry, though!

You need to work on expanding that bubble of awesome, man.  

[Nexus Carbuncle]

I was like that with my friends back home, and with my family, always afraid of being judged for who I am, but always afraid of being found out, when I was faking. Once I got to college, though, I stopped giving a ********, and it was the best decision I've ever made. I never, ever feel like I can't be myself, anymore, and I surround myself with people who love the real me. Feeling comfortable in your own skin is the best thing you can do for yourself.

It's easier said than done, but listen to Katy Perry around your friends, do the things you like to do. Tell them to chill if they jump down your throat. If they have a problem with what you like, what should it matter, so long as you don't?

 

[AquilaLiberum]

Thanks very much guys.

To be fair, I just used the whole Katy Perry thing as an example, I'd get slagged off by Gerard for listening to her because it's not "manly" music. Everytime we make fun of Gerard by suggesting he's gay, he gets really freaked out so he seems pretty insecure anyway.

The Katy Perry thing isn't an issue with the rest of the housemates as they love her. But with them, they'll be having a talk about things and in my head I'll go, "That's ******** horrible" but I can't say anything out loud, they can just be real dicks and I don't feel comfortable enough to tell them so.

So the problem that I can't be myself is only sort of one part of the whole thing, the rest of it is basically living with very strong personalities who I can't disagree with for fear of starting an argument and being alienated. Even with regards to the housework, our house is a state and I do my own dishes and tidy up from time to time but I'm afraid to say to them about the huge pile of washing up that they have to do etc.

Sorry if I've been wasting your time by making out the whole problem was one thing when it's actually several things sad

@Dris: I hang out with my friend Michael at least once a week (we go to different universities) and I've known him for over 10 years so he's pretty much the best friend I've got. We're actually planning to move in somewhere next year because he'll hopefully get a paid work placement. The only problem is that I'm finishing my degree this coming spring and I might not have a student loan anymore sad

@Maze: It's pronounced Ay-veen xd And yeah, she hides in her room because she can't stand them either.

~Nya-ha!~
blaugh

 

[Aaditya]

Gerard sounds real insecure, man. As for the talk thing, that's tricky, because if you bring it up with them, it could sound like you're being judgmental. If it's something that really grinds you you should be able to have a one-on-one and bring it up that way.

If you disagree with someone, you shouldn't feel afraid to make your poitn heard. People have differing views on things, and that's okay.

As for the housework, just ask. "The dishes are piling up, can one of you guys take care of it?" and if they give you s**t, just let them know that those dishes are theirs and that it's stinking the place up. You gotta be firm without being disrespectful.  

[PainfullyVivid]

I'd definitely be honest about the whole thing. It might start a fight, but honestly, if you don't, you'll be stuck in a messy house, not wanting to say anything in fear of a confrontation, and slightly miserable.
The key to having roommates is always communication. If something bothers you, you bring it up in a way that they know you mean it but you aren't being mean about it. Just a, "Hey. I've noticed dishes get piled up and never cleaned. It kind of makes the whole place look dirty. Do you think you can all start washing them more?" If you want it less "confrontational", you could always just say "we" to make it seem more like you are sharing it the blame even if you aren't at all.

I don't know. One of my roommates gets annoyed with a lot of stuff but complains about it to either me or my other one (depending on who is annoying her) or none of us. She never actually says if something is bothering her or asks us to do something or stop doing something if she is annoyed. Like instead of asking if my roommate would turn off the music, she sighs, gets up, goes into her room, and then, of course, turns up her music so we can hear it in the living room. Of course, it doesn't help that she's passive aggressive. xD  

[AquilaLiberum]

Thanks alot Pain smile

I was bold enough once to ask my housemate to wash her dishes that had been sitting for about a week, and she chucked me out of her room and didn't speak to me for a week so it's kinda hard to keep doing it, I'll just be happy to move out once my contract is finished xd

~Nya-ha!~
blaugh