forget about kids, it's fathers who say the darndest things

[Nerdodactyl]

"you obviously don't watch tv closely b/c all the gay guys you see on tv are neat freaks."

What is the darndest thing your father said to you?
or perhaps your mother?  

[TheLostAngel-Mika]

my dad is always yelling at me for putting myself in the middle of arguments between him and my mom. But when he wants me on his side he drags me in and is all like "Didn't you hear me say -insert stupid thing here-"
Today I finally told him to ******** off and said "Im not getting in the middle."  

[Dante_Sonata]

"You have to be more Pacific."
My dad has a bit of a lisp, and says "Pacific" instead of "specific". It's become something of a running joke with us.

"You girls could do a little forking and spooning in here."
To dad, 'forking' is using a rake, and 'spooning' is using a shovel; in combination, raking up an area and shoveling it out. My friend and I were clearing out the horse trailer, when dad stuck his head in the (still full of manure) horse area,and said this.

"We're not here for a romp in the hay; get to work."
I was tossing hay out of the hay wagon and down to dad, who was stacking them. I slipped and fell into a space between some bales, and when I crawled out, I was so covered in hay I apparently looked like I'd been playing around.  

[Vociferous Virtuoso]

"Hey mom, I have the best idea for my birthday party!"
"Girls-only."
"Nononono, not that."
"That's not what I mean. ONLY GIRLS."

Woooow, Mom. talk2hand  

[SlimShady777]

my dad tells me he hates nothing more than a liar...... been lieing to me since he got outta prison when i was about 7......... rarely ever see the homophobic b*****d now thank God (i'm not gay btw i jusy hate homophobes cause i'm friends with some gay and bisexual people)  

[weecest]

Its In Spanish...So It Might Seem Weird >.>

Dad:: "Les Dura Mas Un ***** En Las Manos, Que Las Cosas"
In Other Words...According To Google "They last longer in the hands of a fart that things"

Yeah, Thats What He Says xD

 

[mishca12]

Dante_Sonata

"You have to be more Pacific."
My dad has a bit of a lisp, and says "Pacific" instead of "specific". It's become something of a running joke with us.

"You girls could do a little forking and spooning in here."
To dad, 'forking' is using a rake, and 'spooning' is using a shovel; in combination, raking up an area and shoveling it out. My friend and I were clearing out the horse trailer, when dad stuck his head in the (still full of manure) horse area,and said this.

"We're not here for a romp in the hay; get to work."
I was tossing hay out of the hay wagon and down to dad, who was stacking them. I slipped and fell into a space between some bales, and when I crawled out, I was so covered in hay I apparently looked like I'd been playing around.

are you able to draw a yaoi pic for me please  

[Atrum_Anima]

My mom, when describing something girly, likes to use the word "faggy". My sister and I are usually both in the room when she says it, and we try to tell her how offensive it sounds (because she doesn't realize that it's offensive), but apparently she doesn't get it. gonk  

[Silver Sage-General]

Lol my youngest aunt is clearly against me being gay but just like the rest of my family she despises my long hair even more and is constantly berating me about getting it cut.

So one time I hear this. "Boys don't like boys with long hair."
*double take* wait what?

Yeah yeah not my dad but he's not around and I don't talk to my mom that much.  

[Denkou Soshiatae]

My parents are constantly telling me that I'm not actually bi because I "haven't had an (outright) crush on a girl for over a year now, and I have never done anything with a girl".
They don't know that I have already had sex with a girl xp  

[..s.k.i.t.t.l.e.s..]

Mom: "You can get aids from blood transfusions."
Me: "No mom. You cannot get aids from no aids."
Mom: "But I thought it happens when you mix blood."
Me: "WHEN THAT PERSON HAS AIDS!"
Mom: "Well that clears a lot up..."

Amurrica indeed.  

[bollier]

My mom has said some things that are funny, simply because she doesn't know I'm gay yet

One day, we were walking around the neighborhood while she was talking to my aunt on the phone, and I hear this little chestnut (My sister is A, and I'm B):

"A always goes for the worst guys. I could take her to a church, and she would find the one crappy guy there. Meanwhile, I could drop B off at a titty bar and trust him not to do anything."
I had to fight the laughter so hard!

And a few nights ago we were watching TV and having this little discussion.

Mom:"You can tell by the way he (a guy in a commercial) handed her that bag that he was gay"

Me: "That's not true"

Mom: "Do you hand out bags like that at work?"

Me: "...No."  

[The 6 Paths]

My dad has told me that I'm "not a real gay" because I don't watch Will and Grace.
:l  

[Serrenedy]

The water in our house was out, so mom couldn't do anything. We were watching T.V. all day and I got yelled at the second I tried to change the channel and I wasn't allowed on the comp. The water comes back on and as she goes to take a shower I change the channel so I can finally stop watching 'Ice loves Coco' and she says "That's enough T.V. for today". So I get on the comp and start talking to my friends. She yelling at me that I've done nothing all day and to get showered and dressed ((at like 4 pm)) to go outside. The worst part of this is that she demands that I find the boy I was talking to so I sound like a super stalker to this guy I kinda like. She's yelling at me to find him so I ca leave the house, but at the same time yelling at me to get off the computer to leave the house.