And the wisdom to know the difference.

[Explosive Sex]

Hey Suites.

I hit rock bottom the morning of Feb. 10th, 2011. I've had way too many close encounters with death, put too many of my family members and friends in danger, and have lost everything that I've worked for my entire short life.

My brother found me in a ditch at the local city park at 4:30 AM, 9 miles from where I had begun my most memorable drunk, which is ironic because I don't remember it at all.

It started out as a regular night, smoking hookah with my friend who doesn't drink, but had turned 21 that day. I drink all the time, and I figured it was time to show my friend what a real drinker can do. I put down an entire bottle of Jager, blacked out, and went from being on my girlfriends couch to a ditch in the park. I fell down a flight of stairs, off the side of a fence, dodged cars on the highway, and ended up falling into a ditch that I could not bring myself out of. It was 30 degrees, and I had been drunk and outside since 11:30 PM the previous night. Thank God my brother had found me, or I would have ended up with the same fate of another drunkard who had died last year due to exposure to the cold. I was in a t-shirt and basketball shorts.

But, not all is woe. I have began AA meetings, and though I am in a weird emotional torture chamber in my mind, I have been sober for a little more than 24 hours, and I plan to stay with the program and live a happy sober and clean life.

======================================================

So in short, addiction and being powerless. Do you have a problem?

Discuss.  

[Kosai Avonej]

Good, Good for you. Stay sober, you don't need the bottle to dictate your life. Drinking solves nothing and it ultimately will never do anything meaningful for you. Just take life one day at a time, you'll pull through.  

[Explosive Sex]

Luckily after all the these I've done to my family and friends, they are still behind me and support me. And so far AA has been helping a lot. I haven't been in very long, only three meetings, but I do recommend it to anyone who needs it.  

[de.Lici.ous]

Good on you for going to AA meetings. You're lucky your family and friends are still supporting you. I hope you can stay on the right track and not end up miserable by ruining your life. *hug* <3  

[Nexus Carbuncle]

Gotta see that bottom coming up at you, man. Can't get any better until you do. Once it comes, though, it's a b***h. You're doing the right thing, though. Gotta do it for yourself and the people you care most about. Good luck to you!

As for my problem? Well, I've never told anyone aside from those closest to me, but last year was the worst year of my life, and last year, I tried to kill myself three times.

Being a music major is very, very stressful, and I couldn't deal for awhile. Being bipolar makes it even harder. Last year, or, I guess, two years ago, now, on 12 December of my first semester, I was so worried about exams, I called home about wanting to drop out, and I had a nasty fight with my folks. That night, I took the muscle relaxants I take for my back, and I downed the whole bottle, hoping to overdose. I ended up just throwing up for an hour, and then passing out in my bed for twelve hours; roommate never even knew what happened. I got up the next day, and then I proceeded to ace my exams. [:

Then, in about May, I stressed about finals again, and I was about to try to overdose again, and one of my roommates walked in on it, and took away all the medicine that we had in the room. He saved my life.

Then, again, in October of last year, my folks called me and we ended up fighting about how expensive my school is, and my dad ended up telling me I was the worst thing that's ever happened to them, and the biggest financial drain in their lives (he didn't mean it; he was just trying to be spiteful), anyway, I was going to try again, but I called a dear friend of mine, who goes to school across the country, and had her talk me out of it.

I guess that was my bottom. I realized after that, that I needed help, and, as such, I've been getting counseling, and I've started taking antidepressants. It hasn't been easy, but I tell myself I've way too much to live for, to kill myself over school. [:

 

[de.Lici.ous]

Awww, Nexus, that's so sad ):
My dad has said similar things to me under similar circumstances. I know he didn't mean it, but it really affected me for a long time. I hope things will get better between you and your parents.
I am glad you are still around, I enjoy your posts <3 *hug*  

[Nexus Carbuncle]

Thank you!
heart

It's just tough for my folks, since they're trying to retire and school costs so much.

And last year is actually what made me come back here! I realized that had I died, you guys would never know about it. And it made me realize how much I missed you all.

 

[Undead Honey Cake]

Once you hit rock bottom the only way to go is up...right?

ok i'm sure someone's already said that...i just don't really want to read. Its great that your going to AA meeting and that you want to change, in order to change you have to want to change.

There is a lot of addition in my family history, so i barely drink and i've never been drunk. I love in Canada and i'm 20 now so i've been legality able to drink here for a year, but i barely do. I've caught myself when i've been upset or depressed thinking that i should just drink, and just the fact that my mind goes to drinking to solve the problem scares me. So like i said, i barely drink.  

[de.Lici.ous]

Nexus Carbuncle

Thank you!
heart

It's just tough for my folks, since they're trying to retire and school costs so much.

And last year is actually what made me come back here! I realized that had I died, you guys would never know about it. And it made me realize how much I missed you all.

Yeah I've thought about that before, how many people wouldn't ever know if you were to get into a freak accident or something. It's kind of scary D: