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 Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 7:00 pm
I need some advice on dealing with a friend, I've tried talking to him about a little 'problem' for a while now. I'm not offically out of the closet, but I'm fine with telling anyone but my parents ((I tried with my mom.... but I think she forgot >.>'')) and so, a friend of mine, I'm going to call him Ben, took it very well, everyone did. But he took it well in a way that made me a little uncomfortable. Ben was kind of like, "seriously? thats cool." and at first it was like nothing had changed, I never really talked that much to Ben anyway. But we started talking more, I'd be talking about something like the new assassins creed game or something along those lines, Ben would start asking questions like,
"Who out of all the girls in this room would you do?"
this kind of bothered me, but, I just kinda shrugged and said so and so is pretty, but I don't know anyone so I have no idea. It's been about half a year now and he still has questions. I find some of what he says kind of offensive,
"You should get a bi girlfriend, that way we can have threesomes." and things like that. I tried telling him that just because I swing that way doesn't mean I would throw myself at anyone who came my way. He doesn't really seem to get the message.... ever.... I don't want to be rude to him, but he practically outed me to several of his friends. He seemed really confused when I got mad because he thought I didn't mind people knowing. But i would rather I told them, and knew them. This is more of a rant to be honest >.> but yeah, thoughts? opinions?
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Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 7:29 pm
Well, if he doesn’t get the message....Just tell him again. And you can do it without being rude (but keep in mind some people just don’t get it....so sometimes it’s okay to be rude). Tell him you Do mine him tell other people! (It's not his business to be telling anyone in the first place!) He's being pigheaded right now thinking "Oooooo, since my friend likes girls...maybe I can get her to do it with some other girl and maybe I can get in that" or something like that. If he's really your friend he'll stop.
I hope that helps some love. :3
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Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 7:39 pm
You could say something along the lines that you think it's great that he doesn't mind, but to not blab it out to other people, and that you're not interested, offended, even, in him joining in any of your relationships or 'interactions'. And if he doesn't get the message when you're telling him politely, then you'll probably going to have to be ruder if you want him to listen.
Hope I helped?
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Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 7:46 pm
I'm going to be frank... He sounds pretty dumb. I imagine that you've explain things in a somewhat subtle manner. Sit and down and give it to him in very direct speech, loud and clear (slow and simple may also be beneficial). Leave no room to doubt any of it and be sure that he understands. Tell him everything that bothers you, and why it bothers you.
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Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 8:35 pm
You should tell him to not see you by your sexuality but rather see you as you, not your sexuality. He needs to understand that your sexuality isn't a big deal in your friendship or how you two relate
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Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 10:18 pm
How old is he? He might just not fully understand the concept of not throwing your body at people.
Or he might just be a perv and be assuming that bisexuality works the same way. A lot of the times, when people have that kind of problem they fail to notice that they're any different from everyone else, or just assume everyone is like them.
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Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 3:27 am
Matasoga I'm going to be frank... He sounds pretty dumb. I imagine that you've explain things in a somewhat subtle manner. Sit and down and give it to him in very direct speech, loud and clear (slow and simple may also be beneficial). Leave no room to doubt any of it and be sure that he understands. Tell him everything that bothers you, and why it bothers you. Lol! this one made me laugh, thank you I think I will try that >.> and yeah he isn't the smartest XDD all of these seem useful though :3
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Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 3:29 am
Gordums You should tell him to not see you by your sexuality but rather see you as you, not your sexuality. He needs to understand that your sexuality isn't a big deal in your friendship or how you two relate Thank you :3 this was actually a lot what I was thinking of saying, and feeling like when he did this >.> I kinda thought it was rude that I was just the chick he talked about chicks with
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Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 3:30 am
all of these are great biggrin thank you so much guys >.> i know this probubly seemed silly, but yeah just wanted to write something down, it makes me feel better when I do.
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