Okay so within the past 4 or so years I haven't been in a serious relationship. Sure on occasion I've had the occasional flings and what not but more and more I've realized any guy that comes my way I am pushing him away, and not in the typical manner of distancing myself but actually telling him the 10 million reasons that I can come up with on why he shouldn't date me. Is anyone else going through this? Any suggestions?
Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 12:32 pm
Sounds likes a fear of commitment to me. I know that's usually attributed to men, but women have their fair share of reasons for also fearing it. In your case, based on the information given, it sounds like you're reluctant to get serious out of fear of being rejected later on down the line. So you try to get it over with before it starts, not allowing there to be a chance to really get attached, thus saving yourself a harsh break up later on down the line if things don't work out between you and the guy.
However, one thing to consider is that, even if there are things about yourself or your life that you think would turn a man away, when two people actually care about each other and want to make things work, these "flaws" become accepted as who you are. It is better to allow the man to decide for himself whether or not you're worth it rather than telling him you're not. You cannot dictate your own worth to another person.
To me it could sound like you're too afraid of your own flaws. This even extends to the point that you're afraid that because of them the guy might not "want" to be with you is that correct?
Have a little confidence in yourself. Also be willing to make a chance (truth be told making any kind of relationship even friendship is taking one.) I mean yes it might not work out but don't let it keep you down.
Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 11:29 am
Probably a little late, but oh well.
Do what you feel. Do you want to be in a relationship? Some guy will probably come along who will ignore the reasons you give not to date you, so no need worrying about it. At the very worst, you are acting the way you are because you are worrying too much. Relax, take things as they come. Just do what you can to enjoy the time you have.
"The best advice isn't really advice at all. No one can make your decisions for you."
Not that I believe anyone who has already contributed, but there is yet another possibility. Perhaps you are comfortable being the way you are, single and not looking, whether conciously or not. Not everyone needs to be in a serious romantic relationship at all times. And just because you aren't in one, don't think that's a bad thing. All things occur at their own pace, and only when we wish to set them in motion. When you are ready for a serious relationship, one that goes beyond the physical, you will set the right gears in motion, whether you realize it or not. Until that time, enjoy this moment of life the way it is.
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