What to do, what to do.

[DelightfulCatastrophe]

Hellooo!
Okay, so, here's the situation.

My best friend has a guy friend that is in the U.S. Army. The two dated in high school a few years back but it didn't work out. He left for the army and has been back for two weeks. He leaves Wednesday, 8/3. She likes him... a lot. Still. "Always has," according to her, "but I don't know why." I ask, and she says that he makes her laugh and totally relax (she's a serious, tense person, kind of.) So he leaves early Wednesday and they've been hanging out I think close to everyday he's been back. She says that she doesn't want to lose him, and I assure her she won't as long as she keeps in contact with him. He leaves for three years; 1 in Afghanistan and another 2 in Oregon somewhere. Apparently he gets his phone and internet during this time.

So, long story short: he's been gone and writing her love letters almost everyday and she likes him but he's going to be gone for three years. I think she fears something might happen during the time he's gone and also she doesn't want to "miss out" on her life here. She's confused.

I understand where she is coming from, however; a couple years ago I myself was into a Navy guy. Knowing he was going to be gone for months or even years at a time and only have a couple weeks at home was a scary thought. It also was probably going to be really hard since he's gone all the time. I was scared, much like my friend. But I really commend those who are with someone in the Army, Navy, etc.

So.
What should she do, Suites?  

[PainfullyVivid]

I don't really think she needs to make a firm commitment right away (and even if she does decide to be exclusive with him, it's not like they can't decide soon after that the relationship isn't working). She can tell this guy that she would like to stay in contact and maybe see if they could deal with a long distance relationship and get in a relationship then. They'd be in the dating phase (rather than being boyfriend and girlfriend).

If they wanted, there wouldn't be an expectation of monogamy until one of the parties asked for it, so she wouldn't be missing out on anything. However, that would require both parties to be fine with the other person maybe sleeping with other people, etc and for them to be very honest about their feelings.

The option of leaving the relationship open to be changed and the discussion of what she would like to get from the relationship in the future (so they are both going towards the same place rather than getting into the relationship wanting to get two different things out of it) would allow her to make sure she can deal with a LDR and see whether this is a guy she wants to spend potentially three years tied to without daily physical contact and vice versa for the guy.

However, there isn't really a correct solution to these types of situations. It really depends on the beliefs, personality traits, and expectations of the two people involved. They just both have to be clear with what they think is plausible for them to endure for the relationship and whether the potential outcome is worth the effort. If the guy or your friend gets jealous easily, a less defined relationship is not going to work. If one of them requires a lot of affection in a relationship, then a LDR might not be the best.