[UPDATED] Well guys, I have a problem.

[AquilaLiberum]

I just can't understand how people can sleep with people they have absolutely no connection with. I guess they must just be really sure of themselves, I'm pretty lacking in the self confidence department which would probably explain why I don't feel comfortable with the idea of just hooking up with a randomer.

I realise that most people think that saving sex for people you really like is a good idea, but it's just hard when you're surrounded by people who treat it casually, the peer pressure is pretty difficult to deal with. I'm not saying my friends encourage me to just shack up with someone I barely know but it's annoying when they're talking about sex a lot and I find I have pretty much nothing to contribute.

Who knows, my attitude might change, but right now this is how I feel. And I'm glad that Ifa said this attitude is ok to have, but when you're surrounded by people who feel differently than you, it sometimes feels like you're missing something or you're just wrong.

Thanks you guys.  

[Szen]

I'm with you, Qui. I don't understand it either. I wouldn't say I'm a prude, since I don't really care what other people do, but I feel like there's a level of trust that I personally have to have first. It does get annoying when people talk about it all the time, but then I feel that way about most small talk and pointless conversation. XD  

[Lychee Fruit]

You're not entirely unjustified in your feelings of alienation.

In the last city I lived the crowd of people who kept inviting me to hang out were obsessed with their sex lives. It was all they talked about! I hated it, but I kept hanging out with those losers because my family told me there was something wrong with me if I didn't "have friends". Thing is, it kept going and getting worse to the point some of them would grab me, unbutton my shirt, take weird photos of me. And I just kept sitting there and letting it happen because it was "normal". I'm still not entirely sure that isn't normal. But it sure wasn't right to me.

Whether it's weird or not, you're not the only person who doesn't want to talk about having sex with everyone 24/7. Shop around, you might find friends to hang out with who aren't like that. Doesn't mean you have to ditch the friends you have now, just... It can't be that all the time. O_o'  

[wo_nyrmo]

You are not strange for taking sex seriously.

After all sex is the whole go with what is comfortable for you but make sure your mature enough to take responsibly for any actions that could happen. A lot of people aren't mature enough to deal with said responsibilities.

Think of sexual relations like a video game. Some people like to enjoy the surrounding and take their time to fully maximize the enjoyment of it while others just quickly rush to beat it to say they beat it and don't fully grasp the story that is being told.  

[AquilaLiberum]

@Szen: Thanks, they don't talk about it ALL the time, but when they do, they could go on for ages and I just switch off. It just makes me feel a little disconnected from them.

@Lychee: I do have some friends that feel the same way about the whole thing that I do, but I don't get to see them as often. The friends that talk about sex all the time all just seem to have grown up thinking it isn't a big deal etc.
They all come from a different town, so it may have just been differences in our cultures/they way we were raised etc.  

[PainfullyVivid]

I don't think it's weird to view sex as something you only want do with people you care about, and I don't think it's weird to view sex as something that can be done casually as well. People should be comfortable with whatever works for them. If limiting your sexual partners to those you love is what makes you happy, then cool. If vast amounts of casual sex makes you happy, also cool.

I'm probably somewhere in between. I don't plan on having casual sex, but I don't think I'd feel bad or upset if I decided to have some fling one day.

Though I get bored when people bring it up all the time. I can talk about sex. I can use sexual innuendos like a mad women, but it gets annoying if someone brings it up all the time in any and every situation.  

[coldheartedangel]

I was always pretty casual with my body. But for me, sex and trust are two entirely different things.
I have never trusted a single guy i slept with. Hell, i don't even know the names of a couple of them >_>;

However, when i met my husband, it took on a new turn. My husband is the only man i have ever slept with more than once.

That said, i accept that you feel the way you do. I know others that are like that. It's definitely not a bad thing. I wish that i had saved myself for my husband.

Edit: Qui, i have ridiculously low self confidence. I think that is partially why i am the way i am  

[AquilaLiberum]

@Pain: I think that I'm building it up in my head thinking it's going to be a huge deal. Maybe when it happens, it won't live up to that, and I'll treat it less seriously. But until then I don't know. I'd like my first time to be with someone that I'm really comfortable though, as that's when I'm most likely to panic etc.

@Cold: You can actually provide a great counterpoint to this argument. You say you've slept with some people who's names you didn't know. I'm not trying to sound like a jackass but can you explain how you were comfortable with that at the time if you didn't know them? I'm really desperately trying to understand that whole mentality because I feel like it's a huge barrier between my friends and I, not because we don't share the same view, but because I physically can't understand their view sad  

[coldheartedangel]

Aquila15

@Cold: You can actually provide a great counterpoint to this argument. You say you've slept with some people who's names you didn't know. I'm not trying to sound like a jackass but can you explain how you were comfortable with that at the time if you didn't know them? I'm really desperately trying to understand that whole mentality because I feel like it's a huge barrier between my friends and I, not because we don't share the same view, but because I physically can't understand their view sad

Oh, i am sure i knew their names at the time. Lots of alcohol was involved in some of those. I guess it was part of the fact that i knew i would never see them again that kind of helped in that respect. Either they were on holidays or i was at a place i don't go to very often. The fact that it was just a one night stand kind of made me not care that i didn't know anything about these people.  

[AquilaLiberum]

Guys, have any of you ever had one of those situations that seems to be described nearly perfectly by a song? And you then associate that song with the way you were feeling when you made the connection with it? Here's mine:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7VGOnV2QhU&feature=relmfu