Long distance relationships

[- Vet Tech - 2011]

How many of you are in long distance relationships? How do you cope with your partner being away for long periods?

I have recently started seeing a guy, I was with this guy for 3 years (high school until my first year of college) and we parted ways because I was in college with a heavy course load, he had changed college programs several times had no longer been able to get loans and was unemployed (becoming a dead-beat) ... and he decided to come out and tell me about the girl he "loved" before I came along who happened to be his best friend.

Time has passed, 2 or 3 years now? and we still really care about each other. I got in contact with him because I had never been able to find myself happy in a relationship - I was insecure and un-trusting and just not happy .... I wanted to work through the unresolved issues we had and become friends. It turned out to be more.

He is in the navy and is completing basic training, he's managed to get 2 weekends off to come see me. I am treated the way I've always want to be treated, or the way I was use to being treated when I am with him. Guys these days are such pigs! He makes me smile and laugh, it feels like it's been forever... I do feel happy with him and we want to work through it.

However ... he is completing his basic training and when he graduates next month he is either going to be posted in another province for 4 years and we're not sure what's going to happen after that. He doesn't want me to up and move, leaving my friends and family, although I have thought about that. It's not easy for me to make new friends and he seems to remember that. We think we it can work out for us ... but neither of us have really done long distance before.

Is anyone else in a similar situation? What advice can you offer?  

[simply mayven]

I am not in that type of relationship, but I do wish you luck. It sounds like it's a difficult spot to be in...  

[pompoennetje]

I was. But I'm back home now.

It wasn't for 4 years but for 6 months. I had to leave for internship for my study. We saw each other once in a month, which I didn't handle very well. I was there all alone, without my friends, family, boyfriend and cats and with an internship I didn't like.

I'd send him letters and cute cards, we called twice a week. Depending how bad I felt and carried someone with me that reminded me of him.

I don't really have advice for you. Long distance sucks, whatever you do about it. Maybe send him cards or letters and vice versa to surprise each other. I texted with my boyfriend on a daily basis, and he send me pictures of the cats. Maybe keep some of his shirts so you have his sense with you. I also used to write my feelings off me.  

[Gabrielle_AnimalLuver]

I WAS, but it didn't work out in the end. He was in the air force. It wasn't honestly all that horrible, but he up and decided that it would be too hard on me when he got posted (which as it turns out, ended up being just 2-3hrs away). I miss having someone TO miss. Like, I'd rather have him living with me, but at the end of the day, it's not really a choice ya know. Like I'd rather be with someone I'm really in love with even if I don't see them that often, than have someone around all the time that I don't care for as much.

Haven't found anyone since him, but, I think the breakup was still for the best. He has a lot of maturing to do, and the distance just weeds out the good relations from the bad. Ours just wasn't strong enough. Maybe it woulda lasted longer if he'd been around, but, I think in the end the outcome would have been the same.  

[- Vet Tech - 2011]

I am so scared for what it's going to be like or how it will turn out.

I just switched phone companies, so Canada-wide calling is included in my plan. I won't get long distance charges. We need to look into changing his phone plan. Then options after the 4 years ... or if I would move to where he is posted...

I am terrified. I'm also unable to get the day off for his graduation which might be the last time I get to see him for a while. It's tough.  

[pompoennetje]

- Vet Tech - 2011

I am so scared for what it's going to be like or how it will turn out.

I just switched phone companies, so Canada-wide calling is included in my plan. I won't get long distance charges. We need to look into changing his phone plan. Then options after the 4 years ... or if I would move to where he is posted...

I am terrified. I'm also unable to get the day off for his graduation which might be the last time I get to see him for a while. It's tough.

Make sure that you do something with each other at the very last day you're able to see each other? Like a movie, dinner, picnic, or just being together.

I can't tell you what it will be like. But it will be hard. And you shouldn't give up. Doubt you will, if you love him of course. You can always decide later on to move to where he will be.

I was terrified as well. And it was only for 6 months. I made a friend who had the same problem, so we had each other. But she left after a month or two.

It will be long 4 years,  

[Shearaha]

Give it a try and see how it goes. Hubby and I almost did the long distance thing when he was thinking about joining the Air Force. We may yet do long distance as he's had several out of state job offers and I'm in at least a 2 year commitment in my apprenticeship. I can't leave, but he may need to go.  

[Kipluck]

Honestly, almost all of my relationships have been long distance. Apparently it hasn't worked out. But I still believe they CAN work.

I dated a guy who lived in Texas. We visited each other, but mostly just talked online and the phone. Then he took the occasion of Hurricane Rita to dump me the chicken way and cut off contact... in the middle of a freaking hurricane so that I thought he could have DIED... till he sent me a wedding announcement. Classy, eh?

Then I dated a guy in California. We broke up over the phone because apparently he assumed I would turn into a girly girl once we actually were togetrher. I almost moved to California for him. I looked for jobs, almost rehomed my gliders (they are illegal there.) and I am forever grateful I couldn't go through with it... we were almost engaged when he told me the things he expected of me. Basically to be someone I was not. I am so so so glad I did not rehome my babies. I won't make that mistake again. A person who doesn't love me as I am (including the act that I own a little zoo), doesn't get me.

Then, there was Ola. I'll be honest, I still love him. I don't know if I will ever find someone else. But he lives in Spain and neither of us has money. And there are other issues. But mostly, we don't have money, we don't have a way to be together. I wish I didn't love him anymore.  

[Vanilla eXee]

Kipluck

Honestly, almost all of my relationships have been long distance. Apparently it hasn't worked out. But I still believe they CAN work.

I dated a guy who lived in Texas. We visited each other, but mostly just talked online and the phone. Then he took the occasion of Hurricane Rita to dump me the chicken way and cut off contact... in the middle of a freaking hurricane so that I thought he could have DIED... till he sent me a wedding announcement. Classy, eh?

Then I dated a guy in California. We broke up over the phone because apparently he assumed I would turn into a girly girl once we actually were togetrher. I almost moved to California for him. I looked for jobs, almost rehomed my gliders (they are illegal there.) and I am forever grateful I couldn't go through with it... we were almost engaged when he told me the things he expected of me. Basically to be someone I was not. I am so so so glad I did not rehome my babies. I won't make that mistake again. A person who doesn't love me as I am (including the act that I own a little zoo), doesn't get me.

Then, there was Ola. I'll be honest, I still love him. I don't know if I will ever find someone else. But he lives in Spain and neither of us has money. And there are other issues. But mostly, we don't have money, we don't have a way to be together. I wish I didn't love him anymore.

Kip, my boy hates animals for the most part, and he still payed for all of them to either be shipped here or in the case of that cat, come in the plane with me when we moved. Never give up your babies for a boy, lol.

Main thread: LDRs can work if you're both committed.  

[Kitten Rose73]

I have been in a few but like so many others , it didnt last and i ended up moving back home from Indiana. make sure that is what you trully want though cause they are hard to handle at times.  

[JetAlmeara]

Like All relationships they can work out if the two people are really meant to be together, it's harder for sure and certainly more taxing but I almost think that if you can get through that then you guys can get through anything and the time apart really makes you appreciate the times when you are together.

I met my husband online - I lived in Canada and he lived in the states, we dated long distance for several years with me or him flying down to see each other as often as we could and video chatting/Iming/phone chatting in between times. Eventually the flying back and forth got tiresome and I moved to the states to be with him..but we've been married for 5 years now, have 2 kids and are extremely happy - so don't discount a LDR, they can work..but they are harder.