Richard Scott [Hoho]
I cried a lot.
The first day I came to see you in the hospital was the last day I would see you at all.
I think it was a week before you died. It was the 9th, of July, I think.
We had walked in the white room, and all was well. Until I saw you there. Your face was white, and you had IVs everywhere. Your heart machine; it was slow. Nana was already sitting there, holding your hand, and she wasn't crying yet, though she had tissues strewn across the room.
We sat there, talking to you, until mom wanted to smoke. We stepped outside the hospital, and I sat on the front steps, and I cried.
I'm not sure how long I sat there, how long my mother hugged me, or how many looks of pity I got from doctors, nurses, and people who had to walk around the big group of people sitting on those steps, comforting me. My shirt was wet and covered in snot from wiping my face with it, my mother's cigarette was out, and I don't remember exactly where my father and my aunt were. All I could remember was how sad it was to see you there, how sad I was to see you in that state.
I told my mom I couldn't go back in there, and she took me home, then came back to stay with Nana. My cousins came over to cheer me up, and then ended up staying with me throughout the week until you passed.
I came back, a few days later, but I couldn't bare to even see you. I needed to check on Nana, to make sure she was okay, and she wasn't dying of lack of sleep. Mom went and got her, and she smiled and starting taking me to see you, and instantly I freaked out and bawled my eyes out. I had to flee with a hug and a kiss from Nana, and a hug from my distant cousin, who I hated. But I didn't hate him that day.
Another couple of days later, my aunt came over to check on me as well. I cried to her, telling her I couldn't see him. She suggested I write a note to you, but I only had to say I love you. So I wrote you a sign that said it, and when Aunt Sarah left to check on the family at the hospital, she brought it. Nana hung it up in front of you. I was happy that you would see it, even though I couldn't see you.
Then, you passed. I was sleeping on the floor with my cousins, and suddenly, the whole family came through the door. I had known you had passed right then, because only one came home at a time, and the others stayed to watch other Nana. But I had to ask. I had to. Mom confirmed it, and I cried, again.
Later, we went to see Nana at her house, and I spotted the letter I gave him. It was crumpled. I asked why. Nana said that right before you passed, you asked to hold it. She gave it to you. Then, when finally your couldn't breathe, and you were gasping for air, you crumpled the letter. I couldn't dare to even touch it then, knowing that right there you had died. I couldn't touch it.
Then, it was your funeral. Two days later. I was looked down upon the whole time, because I wore one of your shirts. It was huge on me, and it was a yellow Hawaiian print. It was your favorite. I wanted to wear it for that reason. Everyone else wore black, except Nana, who wore her favorite outfit that you bought her. It made me happy.
I cried a lot during that, too. I still cry a lot. I miss you, Hoho. But it's okay. I know that you're better up there. I know you're happier up there. I jsut wanted to tell you what was happening while you were sick. I just wanted to tell you I miss you. Thank you for being the best grandfather I've ever had. I miss you, and I love you so much. Be well up there.
Love,
Taylor.
P.S. We're watching over Nana for you. She's making it through.
I cried a lot.
The first day I came to see you in the hospital was the last day I would see you at all.
I think it was a week before you died. It was the 9th, of July, I think.
We had walked in the white room, and all was well. Until I saw you there. Your face was white, and you had IVs everywhere. Your heart machine; it was slow. Nana was already sitting there, holding your hand, and she wasn't crying yet, though she had tissues strewn across the room.
We sat there, talking to you, until mom wanted to smoke. We stepped outside the hospital, and I sat on the front steps, and I cried.
I'm not sure how long I sat there, how long my mother hugged me, or how many looks of pity I got from doctors, nurses, and people who had to walk around the big group of people sitting on those steps, comforting me. My shirt was wet and covered in snot from wiping my face with it, my mother's cigarette was out, and I don't remember exactly where my father and my aunt were. All I could remember was how sad it was to see you there, how sad I was to see you in that state.
I told my mom I couldn't go back in there, and she took me home, then came back to stay with Nana. My cousins came over to cheer me up, and then ended up staying with me throughout the week until you passed.
I came back, a few days later, but I couldn't bare to even see you. I needed to check on Nana, to make sure she was okay, and she wasn't dying of lack of sleep. Mom went and got her, and she smiled and starting taking me to see you, and instantly I freaked out and bawled my eyes out. I had to flee with a hug and a kiss from Nana, and a hug from my distant cousin, who I hated. But I didn't hate him that day.
Another couple of days later, my aunt came over to check on me as well. I cried to her, telling her I couldn't see him. She suggested I write a note to you, but I only had to say I love you. So I wrote you a sign that said it, and when Aunt Sarah left to check on the family at the hospital, she brought it. Nana hung it up in front of you. I was happy that you would see it, even though I couldn't see you.
Then, you passed. I was sleeping on the floor with my cousins, and suddenly, the whole family came through the door. I had known you had passed right then, because only one came home at a time, and the others stayed to watch other Nana. But I had to ask. I had to. Mom confirmed it, and I cried, again.
Later, we went to see Nana at her house, and I spotted the letter I gave him. It was crumpled. I asked why. Nana said that right before you passed, you asked to hold it. She gave it to you. Then, when finally your couldn't breathe, and you were gasping for air, you crumpled the letter. I couldn't dare to even touch it then, knowing that right there you had died. I couldn't touch it.
Then, it was your funeral. Two days later. I was looked down upon the whole time, because I wore one of your shirts. It was huge on me, and it was a yellow Hawaiian print. It was your favorite. I wanted to wear it for that reason. Everyone else wore black, except Nana, who wore her favorite outfit that you bought her. It made me happy.
I cried a lot during that, too. I still cry a lot. I miss you, Hoho. But it's okay. I know that you're better up there. I know you're happier up there. I jsut wanted to tell you what was happening while you were sick. I just wanted to tell you I miss you. Thank you for being the best grandfather I've ever had. I miss you, and I love you so much. Be well up there.
Love,
Taylor.
P.S. We're watching over Nana for you. She's making it through.
☆ You're a hobby & I'm a killer━━☆
