Not sure how to break to the 'rents about dating...Help?

[Sifen Yamishi]

Copy-pasta'd from Life Issues cause I'm too tired from Biology 2 class to write it up again:

I'm currently a pre-op/pre-hormone bisexual FtM who is dating a non-op/pre-hormone bisexual MtF for what will be 2 months when I get out for the semester in December. However, over winter holiday, we're going to break the news to our parents and don't know how to say it.

Problem?

My Mom says I'm meant to be dating boys, bisexual people are greedy and that we have to choose one or the other for dating. I came out at age 18 as a lesbian, a year later as transgendered. She has not taken it well either way, so it feels as if there are 2 strikes against me under my belt.

My 'father' of sorts only wants me near Asian boys, but at the same time he doesn't me to hang around boys. Quite a contradiction it is, really. I'm Asian, she's white.

Advice would be lovely for both of us, given how we want to spend New Year's together in a hotel room without our 'rents going ballistic on our asses over being together.

The alibi we came up with is that she's my 'boyfriend', I'm the 'girlfriend'.

Help?  

[CheizLord]

The best thing you can really do is be honest and speak from your heart about how you feel about her. I don't think your parent's necessarily need to know that your partner is a M to F, but just that you really care about her. Sometimes it takes time for people to digest news, so let them know the two of you are dating and see what they say and If they're not ok with it just back off and give them some time to mull it over. In the meantime show them how much this relationship means to you, but don't constantly bring up that you're dating, just tell them once and when it comes up show them you're serious.

Honestly sometimes there's no easy way to break the news. the best thing you can do is stand your ground and express that the both of you dating is a fact, but without being too forceful about it.  

[Sifen Yamishi]

CheizLord

The best thing you can really do is be honest and speak from your heart about how you feel about her. I don't think your parent's necessarily need to know that your partner is a M to F, but just that you really care about her. Sometimes it takes time for people to digest news, so let them know the two of you are dating and see what they say and If they're not ok with it just back off and give them some time. in the meantime show them how much this relationship matters to you and how happy she makes you.

Honestly sometimes there's no magically easy way to tell someone something, the best thing you can do is stand your ground through your expression without being too forceful about it.

Any suggestions on how to not be forceful?
Cause I kinda tend to be like that when upset/overly emotional.  

[CheizLord]

Sifen Yamishi

CheizLord

The best thing you can really do is be honest and speak from your heart about how you feel about her. I don't think your parent's necessarily need to know that your partner is a M to F, but just that you really care about her. Sometimes it takes time for people to digest news, so let them know the two of you are dating and see what they say and If they're not ok with it just back off and give them some time. in the meantime show them how much this relationship matters to you and how happy she makes you.

Honestly sometimes there's no magically easy way to tell someone something, the best thing you can do is stand your ground through your expression without being too forceful about it.

Any suggestions on how to not be forceful?
Cause I kinda tend to be like that when upset/overly emotional.

sorry I kept editing, uhm, like if youre at the dinner table dont just force it into conversation. It may seem like the thing to do if you want to get them used to the idea or to show how serious you are, but it might have an opposite effect on them and make them feel like youre pressuring them into accepting something that they're still processing. so basically once you tell them leave it at that, they'll come to you to talk about it when theyre ready. and if they're in denial they might not bring it up for a while so you have to be patient.  

[Sifen Yamishi]

CheizLord

sorry I kept editing, uhm, like if youre at the dinner table dont just force it into conversation. It may seem like the thing to do if you want to get them used to the idea or to show how serious you are, but it might have an opposite effect on them and make them feel like youre pressuring them into accepting something that they're still processing. so basically once you tell them leave it at that, they'll come to you to talk about it when theyre ready. and if they're in denial they might not bring it up for a while so you have to be patient.

So how to tell them exactly?
Cause...that's the hard part...and what to do if we're denied acceptance to be together?
Do we split up?  

[Lady Kayura]

Can your parents make you split up? Are you living at home?

An idea, unsure if it's good or not is tell your parents you want to discuss something with them then tell them a lie, something horrible. Then tell them you were joking then tell the truth. The shock of the negative might help balance out the truth.

Or, write them a note. Can't be calm talking? Then write a well thought out letter and give it to them. Tell them that what is in the letter is important and that you want them to read it entirely then you all can discuss it. That way you aren't calm.  

[Sifen Yamishi]

Lady Kayura

Can your parents make you split up? Are you living at home?

An idea, unsure if it's good or not is tell your parents you want to discuss something with them then tell them a lie, something horrible. Then tell them you were joking then tell the truth. The shock of the negative might help balance out the truth.

Or, write them a note. Can't be calm talking? Then write a well thought out letter and give it to them. Tell them that what is in the letter is important and that you want them to read it entirely then you all can discuss it. That way you aren't calm.

I think we'll go the route of the note!
Thank you so much!
3nodding  

[Lady Kayura]

Sifen Yamishi

I think we'll go the route of the note!
Thank you so much!
3nodding

Whee, I helped <3 I hope it works out for you two. Even if the 'rents don't agree at first, it may be something that as time goes on, they become more accepting of.  

[Sifen Yamishi]

Lady Kayura

Whee, I helped <3 I hope it works out for you two. Even if the 'rents don't agree at first, it may be something that as time goes on, they become more accepting of.

I really do hope it works as well, to be honest.

Any ideas on how to start said letter, btw?
sweatdrop  

[Lady Kayura]

Sifen Yamishi

I really do hope it works as well, to be honest.

Any ideas on how to start said letter, btw?
sweatdrop

You could start it a few ways. I'd say do whatever feels the best. One option is to tell your parents why you're writing a letter instead of just talking to them right off (This is important to me, I want this to be calm and have a calm talk with you so I wrote this letter so I could make sure I'm saying what I really want to say without getting upset/angry/something.) You could also say that you care for them and want them to understand where you're coming from (providing you do care for them). Giving the reason for said letter might work well to ease into it, rather than just jumping to the main point.

I do the same thing, writing letters when I need to discuss important things. I sort of see it like writing a paper for school, you have your intro, the body then the closing. Explain what the letter's about in the intro, make your points and give the info in the body and in the closing you could repeat your points, remind them that you care for them want them to accept you for who you are and this is who you are. >_>  

[Sifen Yamishi]

Lady Kayura

Sifen Yamishi

I really do hope it works as well, to be honest.

Any ideas on how to start said letter, btw?
sweatdrop

You could start it a few ways. I'd say do whatever feels the best. One option is to tell your parents why you're writing a letter instead of just talking to them right off (This is important to me, I want this to be calm and have a calm talk with you so I wrote this letter so I could make sure I'm saying what I really want to say without getting upset/angry/something.) You could also say that you care for them and want them to understand where you're coming from (providing you do care for them). Giving the reason for said letter might work well to ease into it, rather than just jumping to the main point.

I do the same thing, writing letters when I need to discuss important things. I sort of see it like writing a paper for school, you have your intro, the body then the closing. Explain what the letter's about in the intro, make your points and give the info in the body and in the closing you could repeat your points, remind them that you care for them want them to accept you for who you are and this is who you are. >_>

Thanks.
If we need anything, we'll PM you.
Is that okay?
smile  

[Lady Kayura]

Sifen Yamishi

Thanks.
If we need anything, we'll PM you.
Is that okay?
smile

Please do. <3 And good luck!