Opinions about relationships with one sided sexual tension.

[Kyle_Nightly]

Hey guys, I've been pondering this for a while and I was looking for some input.

I've been in a relationship with my partner for a year and a half now. When we started dating there was a good amount of sexual energy both ways, she found me attractive and I also found her attractive. we're still in love, I would still defiantly say I love her but I have lost all attraction to her. She however is still heavily attracted to me. This means very little sex and she's fairly frequently frustrated with me.

This has been going on for 3 of 4 months now, we have discussed it openly, we are both aware of this problem and how each of us feels about it. Right now we're sitting on the decision to not break up and just keep working at it and see if anything changes.

I have a few theories as to why my sudden lack of interest happened.

- The first is a bit shallow but sadly a part of being human, she was super physically fit when we met (Fresh out of military training) and over the year she's really lost her shape.

- Secondly, another one I have considered is the fact that we've done that thing some couples do, where you slowly adopt the others quirks and personality traits. Both good and bad, I keep hearing a little of myself reflected back in her and seeing it in a few of her mannerisms now. I really dislike that whole thing where couples mush into one entity. Maybe I'm afraid that's happening?

- Thirdly, and this one if a little tricky to figure out. It might have something to do with me being under a lot of stress with University, work and etc. I could see it being plausible, I do have a lot on my plate but I also can't think of any one thing that's stressing me out so much this would happen.

- Lastly, I believe sexuality as well as gender are fluid. I've been feeling more straight recently than I normally do. This however has happened before and normally is more of a day to day swaying and not so much a long stretch of time.

I've never been in a relationship this long, we're not really sure what to do. The emotional caring is there but the physical compatibility is not. I'm not sure weather it's time to start worrying or not.

To summarize what I'm looking for in response to this is; how do you guys feel about the prospects of a relationship that's sexually one sided? Do you think they can work or do you think they're going to fail? I'm not necessarily looking for your opinions on my specific case, it's just what lead me into this question, but if you have opinions there feel free to voice them, I posted my problems so once it's on the interwebs it's everyone's to comment on.

Also keep in mind, all the above info my partner has already heard and we have already discussed. So don't go suggesting we talk about it. x/ It's been done.

- Nightly  

[BSPBleach]

I have a similar thing. Sometimes it's just a day thing, sometimes an hourly thing, others weeks at a time. However never so far as to be a problem.

My opinion on one sided attraction like that is varied. Like i think it can work if one is asexual or something and they've discussed it. Of course that normally still involves sex. I've found that relationships without sex, well usually have issues. And dont work out. You said you've talked to her about what you think might be causing it (kudos for having that conversation!) maybe try making a plan to combat one or more of the things you think are the problem? Sometimes my 'mood' swings are....curiousity to use a poor word and indulging it normally makes it pass.  

[Sailor Rapunzel]

It depends heavily on how important sex is to both of you. Granted, most relationships without it do tend to struggle; there are also those relationships that still flourish even without it. Since both of you have already talked then both of you have to think about how much this will really affect you. Relationships take quite a bit of sacrifice from both parties, and there seems to be issues on both sides in this case. It's clearly not just about the sex; it might help to look at those other issues and get those worked out first (i.e. the merging entity, stress, etc.), because ultimately it's all contributing to the lacking libido. If all the other stuff mentioned before is worked through, but the change in looks is still affecting it, then you need to really take it into consideration. Looks being important doesn't make you shallow - there are many people who view appearances as important to maintaining a healthy relationship, and instead of thinking of it as a negative thing it may help to accept the fact because odds are that something like that won't change no matter how much you will it to; if that is the case then your partner may have to realize that if she wants more sex then she needs to lose the weight.

Your relationship can definitely still work, but it all depends on where both of you really stand and how much effort you are willing to put into it. If you find that the love you have is no longer of the romantic kind then it is also important to be honest with yourself for the sake of both of you.

(sorry if it was confusing BTW I suck with wording things confused )  

[Shadow Ra Warrior]

Pace y'all selves; take it easy for a bit; in other words, give each other some time apart.  

[Kyle_Nightly]

l Diamond l

It depends heavily on how important sex is to both of you. Granted, most relationships without it do tend to struggle; there are also those relationships that still flourish even without it. Since both of you have already talked then both of you have to think about how much this will really affect you. Relationships take quite a bit of sacrifice from both parties, and there seems to be issues on both sides in this case. It's clearly not just about the sex; it might help to look at those other issues and get those worked out first (i.e. the merging entity, stress, etc.), because ultimately it's all contributing to the lacking libido. If all the other stuff mentioned before is worked through, but the change in looks is still affecting it, then you need to really take it into consideration. Looks being important doesn't make you shallow - there are many people who view appearances as important to maintaining a healthy relationship, and instead of thinking of it as a negative thing it may help to accept the fact because odds are that something like that won't change no matter how much you will it to; if that is the case then your partner may have to realize that if she wants more sex then she needs to lose the weight.

Your relationship can definitely still work, but it all depends on where both of you really stand and how much effort you are willing to put into it. If you find that the love you have is no longer of the romantic kind then it is also important to be honest with yourself for the sake of both of you.

(sorry if it was confusing BTW I suck with wording things confused )

You're perfectly fine at wording things, it was your selected font size that was messing me up. xD
Thanks for the advice, it's what I was expecting to hear. It's just hard to wrap my head around what needs to happen first and how to start.