I need advice

[Madiso]

Okay, I really need some help. I have a friend who I have known for a long time. I am gay and she is straight. A long time ago, I was confused about my sexual preferences and we had dated. I knew it didn't feel right, but I didn't want to break up with her and hurt her feelings.

Eventually she broke up with me and I was glad that we were friends again. Less than a year later, we went out again (I was still confused). We went out for about a 4 months or so and then started to drift apart because we were just starting high school and she had moved farther away. We still communicated sometimes and we were good friends again.

Around the start of our junior year of high school, she had started to act different. She had started to act like she used to when we actually dated. She would always say she loved me and sometimes ask when our next date would be, our last one being a few years before. By this time, I had figured myself out. Now she really believes we are dating, she posts on Facebook how much she loves me, she texts me every day, saying that she is glad that I am her boyfriend. Just a few months ago, she told me that she was "In love" with me.

Sorry for the big paragraphs and all, but now comes the part where I need help. I want her to realize that I am not in to her, or girls for that matter. If it would be that easy, I wouldn't be asking. She is homophobic. I want to keep our relationship friendly, but I am afraid that if I tell her, she wont be my friend. I mean, we have known each other for a long, long time. I love her like a sister. And what is worse is, she might be really furious that I kept this from her for so long. I pretty much got myself stuck in a pit.

Thank you for reading through that whole mess of sentences and I am sorry for it biggrin  

[Stars Flying]

You should at least break up with her. This isn't a healthy relationship for either of you to be in. Tell her that you just want to be friends. She might be hurt by you telling her this, but if you let this drag on longer, the problem will only get worse.

I also don't think you should come out at the same time, because then she'll think that she "turned" you gay. (I know this isn't true, but it is a surprisingly common misconception that a bad experience in a heterosexual relationship can make a person become gay.) Wait for a few months and let everything settle down before telling her. Also consider whether you should even tell her at all. You shouldn't have to let the whole world know that you're gay, but then again, your friend isn't really your friend if she can't accept you for who you are.

Personally, I haven't had any experience with this. If you decide to take my advice, I hope everything works out for you.  

[TheLostAngel-Mika]

I agree with stars. Let her down easy. If she still doesnt understand THEN tell her your gay  

[Saint Sims]

I'm kind of a blunt person so my perspective might seem radical...

You NEED, as in HAVE, to tell her you're gay. It's not a matter of convincing to her you're not interested in her that way but rather an issue of character. If she's "like a sister" to you and she truly "loves you" then she won't be homophobic.

Sit her down and tell it to her "straight" (puns, heehehe).

In all honesty, what good is it being a friend with someone if you have to hide yourself? I mean, unless she's going to pull out a knife and stab you to death after you enlighten her on your orientation then I don't think there is much to worry about.

At very least, bring up the topic of homosexuality on neutral grounds, "test the waters" so to speak and actually see if she is a REAL homophobe. It's one thing for people to make homophobic remarks and another to actually be homophobic.

If she is actually homophobic then maybe you, being as close to her as you are, can persuade her to rethink her idea of what a homosexual actual is.

Really though, I absolutely 100% think that you should come out to her. It's less muddled this way, more simple as a means of removing yourself from the relationship and still retaining a friendship because who to say she wouldn't be equally upset with you if you just broke up with her?

Don't fear what could happen because all you're doing is making assumptions and psyching yourself out. You're expecting the worst and at very least you could hope for the best. I don't believe that she'll be mad about you keeping the secret from her because in many ways you kept your orientation a secret FOR her.

Whatever you do, have no regrets and go for it wholeheartedly.  

[YaoiBoi]

Demon Fierce

She is homophobic. I want to keep our relationship friendly, but I am afraid that if I tell her, she wont be my friend.

wahmbulance She's not a true friend if she can't accept you being gay.
I know you're kind of young so you might not have as much perspective on life, but trust me, some friendships/relationships last, and some are not meant to. Be honest and sincere with her. Obviously this girl is slightly... odd if she still believes she is in love with you and you are her boyfriend. This is not healthy. Act sooner not later or this could get worse. And yes, at first confronting her with all this may seem like it will be horrible, and she may get mad and upset, but it will be a lot better than letting this drag out.

You have a lifetime of meeting new people and making new friends, don't be too upset if this one ends.  

[Masked_Ven]

Stars Flying

You should at least break up with her. This isn't a healthy relationship for either of you to be in. Tell her that you just want to be friends. She might be hurt by you telling her this, but if you let this drag on longer, the problem will only get worse.

I also don't think you should come out at the same time, because then she'll think that she "turned" you gay. (I know this isn't true, but it is a surprisingly common misconception that a bad experience in a heterosexual relationship can make a person become gay.) Wait for a few months and let everything settle down before telling her. Also consider whether you should even tell her at all. You shouldn't have to let the whole world know that you're gay, but then again, your friend isn't really your friend if she can't accept you for who you are.

Personally, I haven't had any experience with this. If you decide to take my advice, I hope everything works out for you.

This.  

[The Bodacious Soul Reaper]

The worst would be to stay in the state your in now, the longer she thinks you two are dating the worse it'll be.
If she is a homophobic, even if she wasn't the worst thing to do as well is to break up with her by telling her your gay. Call her, or somehow get to talk with her and just let her know that you haven't been together in awhile and you want to stay friends, but think you should see other people. As you have had the time to notice some new things. I would say eventually tell her you are gay, but hold off until this break up thing passes. smile I wish you luck and hope you two can stay friends!

 

[Pink Slowpoke]

You HAVE to break up with her.
If your serious about this problem there can't be any if's or buts.
I would agree with the some that say "hold off on telling her your gay". I don't want to scare you but if she's a "bunny boiler" (a person who deals with a break up exceptionally badly) she may Facebook you being gay and out you to everyone. Not ideal if you feel unready to come out.

But you do have to break up with her, holding it out for any longer isn't fair to her.
You're toying with her emotions at the moment, and that's frankly a dickish thing to do.
But I understand that your situation is tough, though it's time to toughen up, be an adult and sort out the problem.

I wish you the best of luck.  

[sweet goddess 808]

i know how you feel because i have beeen in the same type of situation. I think that you should just pull her aside and just tell her how you feel. Don't lie to her because it will only make it worse. Tell her the truth. I f she's a true friend she will understand. In my situation i wasn't really sure about what sex i like i mean i love to check girls out and i felt kind of wierd when guys talked to me i guess for me it was just easier to talk to girls so i went towards that direction but thn this guy asked me out and i felt bad for him because noone liked him and he was kind of a loner so i accepted. It wasn't till 6months later that i wasn't happy when he kissed me i wasn't passionate when he said i love you i didn't feel the same way so i just had to let him down easy. When i told him how i felt he completly understood and he wasn't upset at all. Now i am with my girl friend Amanda and we have been together for 4years smile i am sorry for the big paragraph btw haha just felt like replying and try to help u out srry if this doesn't help.  

[Delusional Princess]

You need to be honest about your feelings towards her. Make sure she knows what you mean to her, not just that you are not romantically interested. It may take her some time to adjust, but she'll need that closure before she can move on.  

[Elementalists]

lose her. she ain't worth it.