tea's coming out and ready for action.

[tea_and_silver]

yo, i'm tea. i'm trans, ftm, and highly contagious.

no, seriously. i've got a cold right now :c

this is kinda a mule account, although i'm on here so much that i pretend it's an account of a completely different person.

and i decided to start a journal here becaaaaaaause i've got a lot on my mind.

i ask that you respect my thoughts and opinions. feel free to share your own, ask me questions, whatever. my inbox is always open, but i guess you can post here too or smth.

so let's go~  

[tea_and_silver]

archive.
UNO:
currently listening to [ this ] on [ youtube repeat ] for strength and inspiration.

okay. so.
at the moment tea is facing a rather large issue.
well, a medium issue.
okay, you probably will think of the "obvious" solution immediately.
the obvious solution is to man up and tell the truth and deal with the anger.
so a small issue.

let's try this again.

tea is facing an issue that is insignificant in the larger picture of the universe, but since tea is a self-centered b***h, tea currently believes it is the end of the world.

when someone knows the real tea, they know several things:
tea hates his parents. well, he doesn't hate them. but tea knows that they are and will remain bigots, and also are far too strict for tea's liking when they try to do what's best for him.
tea is normally a loving and optimistic individual, but sometimes, late at night, he falls into these deep pits of depressing thoughts. tea will re-read them in a while and usually delete them, laughing at his stupidity.
posting this is taking tea a lot of courage.
when tea is upset, as he is now, he tries different methods to make himself feel better. today's method is "talk as if tea was not acctually tea, but a separate imaginary entity". this seems to not be working very well, because tea already does this every day and it's starting to feel like multiple narrators..

anyway, tea has just had this problem thrown at him.
tea has a girlfriend.
tea didn't want this girlfriend, but sometimes tea hates offending people so badly that he does stupid things, which force him to do stupider things, which end up murdering him as they are now.
basically, this girl hit on tea, and tea couldn't figure out how to say 'i'm not interested' properly, and now there seems to be a thing going on.
this girl is on gaia, and she is INFATUATED with tea. not even joking. it's scary.
she's sixteen, and tea is twenty.
tea is a Lost Boy in his heart and therefore feels he would much rather be ten.
this is not a good thing. either way it feels very ***** is canadian and she is american. this wouldn't bother tea very much if he knew her irl and/or if she didn't think tea lived in canada..

here is the problem. this girl believes tea is a straight, normal male.
tea is, clearly, not a normal male.
tea currently has no intentions of surgery or anything, and hasn't told hardly anyone about being trans.
this girl is apparently moving to canada to be with tea. she is probably homophobic. she probably does not know what a transsexual is.

tea has long hair and a closet mostly full of girls' clothing. he hates this, but is waiting for a while longer to break the news to anyone because he's a coward and a jerk, and because he's scared of doing something he can't undo. this is why tea only draws with pencils.
tea owns several appropriate shirts and once filched a set of boy's jeans from his cousin. he has tiny boobs and owns bandages and sports bras. he has figured out a way to make his hair, at least from the front, look like guy-haircut-fringe-bangs-things with a hat. he needs to figure out a better method, but it works in the mirror. he has a lowish voice compared to the girls in his choir, and thinks he can pull off sounding like a prepubescent guy. this has been tested. he also practises moving like a guy in the dead of night, and would be right now if this problem hadn't just come up to occupy his mind instead.

if this girl sees tea irl, she's going to be upset. tea doesn't want her to be upset. while she probably isn't tea's type (tea has yet to have any relationships irl, and is therefore not sure what constitutes "his type of girl"), tea has grown to care for this girl very much and doesn't want to upset her in any way.
tea also REALLY does not want to meet this girl irl. he hates meeting new people, especially girls, especially girls met over the internet. regardless of how many months they have communicated.

tea has to figure out a way to get to canada, look like a dude, and hang out with this girl for god knows how long.

tea could probably figure this out if it weren't for his parents.
tea will not, under any circumstances, do things terribly against his parents' wishes.
his parents don't want tea to visit canada. they do not know he is a boy and would hate him if they knew. he knows this for sure because his cousin is bisexual and they hate his cousin with an intensity that is hard to express.

tea has let this girl believe he lives in canada and is a normal male for almost eight months, because he is stupid and thought he could figure out a way to push her off before now.
he knows he is stupid. he does this sort of thing very often and can't seem to stop being stupid.
tea is a coward. he can't figure out a way to tell this girl the things he needs to tell her, and he can't figure out a way to push her a little away. she is more or less his only friend here, and is the person who is kindest to him and talks to him the most out of anyone except his parents. tea does not want to ruin this for either of them...
_________________________________________________________________________  

[tea_and_silver]

yo: it's me again.

although i still haven't gotten any official equipment ((i need to get on that. ugh.)) i did look into getting a proper binder. i'm lucky enough that sports bras work, but i've found that personally, it helps me to be more confident mentally and all that.
so. there's that.

my roommate, who previously claimed to be bi and has known about me for ages, today said i looked like a girl and made reference to his straightness. i think this is a room i'm going to be leaving in the future.

in other news, i learned how to make rice properly.

in yet more news, i may be getting a shorter hair-cut in the near future.

in still further news, the lady at the restaurant today asked if that would be all, sir. it was a drive-through. i don't know if they look at the cameras there, as i generally look like a ((rather young)) guy. but if it was based on my voice alone i must be doing something right, yes? C:

tea out.