The Challenge of Sexuality and Dorms

[Anja Sedai]

I don't know if it ever actually happened, but I heard that my college was contemplating allowing gender-neutral dorms. Which I was all for. If you want to room with your bf/gf, great. If you want to room with your opposite gender friend, that's great too. I know when it came up in discussions around campus, most people were for it. For both romantic and platonic reasons.

Personally, I don't really think I'd like to share a dorm with someone I'm romantically involved with or potentially wish to be. I roomed with straight (or straight as far as I knew) women all through college. Had I been going to a less GLBT friendly school I might have been more concerned about finding a GLBT roomie. But I would have loved the chance to room with my straight male best friend.

As far as separating couples. That would just get messy really fast. Besides, even straight couples who lived in different dorms often ended up breaking cohabitation rules and sharing dorms anyways. I hardly ever saw my roommate freshman year because she basically moved in with her boyfriend.  

[Lumiere Samhain]

I think that it should be the students who decide the dorm situation. I'm in a Co-ed dorm in college and am perfectly fine with it. I'm just as comfortable with guy friends as homosexual girl friends, which is to say, very comfortable. Sperating couples... that would get complicated.  

[Pia Austin]

My college has co-ed dorms as an option  

[Keakealani]

Personally, I don't believe in forced gender segregation. First of all, it enforces a gender binary which is not something I agree with, and second of all I think it stands on a largely unfounded principle that exposure to anyone of the gender you might be sexually attracted to would be necessarily a potential sex partner. Plus, I don't even agree with moralizing sex amongst adults - if people want to have sex, and everyone is a consenting adult, I just don't see the problem.

So my ideal would be a situation where any gender would be allowed to room with any other gender, and normal dorm rules were enforced. Obviously if safety is a concern, that should be addressed - and the normal types of regulations about noise after hours or cleaning up should apply. But beyond that, I just don't think it's the responsibility of a dorm to be making decisions about someone's sleeping habits - and I also think as a rule, they really don't anyway, so they may as well codify it.

Of course, students should always get an option to have a gender preference honored - it absolutely makes sense, for example, for women to prefer to room with other women because women tend to have a higher chance to be a victim of rape or sexual assault, usually at the hands of a man. It also absolutely makes sense to pursue a preference for someone who is likely to be accepting of a minority sexual orientation or gender identity; since you are spending a lot of time in a relatively private space, it is definitely nice to feel like you can be open about the people you are bringing home or the identity that you prefer.

But overall, I think it should be a matter of student decision-making, with authorities (RAs, etc.) getting involved only to resolve conflicts or potential conflicts. In the end, I would rather everyone feel safe and comfortable than to arbitrarily make up standards to exclude someone from that safety and comfort.  

[Server Joe]

Seeking Librium

Lately I've been hearing about either gay couples getting dorms together, or gays/lesbians searching each other out to get dorms together either for acceptance or with the intent of finding a potential romantic partner. I know several RAs (resident assistants) that have seen these kind of things happen, and I've heard of it happening in other colleges as well.

So this brings up an interesting issue: should colleges be able to forcibly separate gay or lesbian couples, or even make them room with the opposite sex? By the same token, what would they have to do about bisexuals?

Or would the easiest solution simply be to make all dorms mixed gender in the name of fairness so straight people also have a chance to pursue a romantic relationship with a roommate or room with a significant other?

The main idea about not having a man and a women being in the same dorm is not because of 'romantic relationships' its more about getting pregnant. Two men have a 0 chance to get pregnant and two women have the equal chances of the said two men if they were put together in a room. Its not about 'being fair' in fact the only way for a man and a women to dorm together is if they are married because married couple are expect to have children hence the reduction of many form of insurance when two peoples get married.

man + man = no pregnancy risk = no big deal
woman + woman = no pregnancy risk = no big
man + woman = pregnancy risk = big deal
This is why men and women cannot dorm together if they are not married.  

[DragonSlayer Arcos]

Speedo Bro

Seeking Librium

Lately I've been hearing about either gay couples getting dorms together, or gays/lesbians searching each other out to get dorms together either for acceptance or with the intent of finding a potential romantic partner. I know several RAs (resident assistants) that have seen these kind of things happen, and I've heard of it happening in other colleges as well.

So this brings up an interesting issue: should colleges be able to forcibly separate gay or lesbian couples, or even make them room with the opposite sex? By the same token, what would they have to do about bisexuals?

Or would the easiest solution simply be to make all dorms mixed gender in the name of fairness so straight people also have a chance to pursue a romantic relationship with a roommate or room with a significant other?

The main idea about not having a man and a women being in the same dorm is not because of 'romantic relationships' its more about getting pregnant. Two men have a 0 chance to get pregnant and two women have the equal chances of the said two men if they were put together in a room. Its not about 'being fair' in fact the only way for a man and a women to dorm together is if they are married because married couple are expect to have children hence the reduction of many form of insurance when two peoples get married.

man + man = no pregnancy risk = no big deal
woman + woman = no pregnancy risk = no big
man + woman = pregnancy risk = big deal
This is why men and women cannot dorm together if they are not married.

While the majority of what you said is indeed true, I will disagree with the statement "This is why men and women cannot dorm together if they are not married." Since one it was already mentioned as possible by other posters, and two my college allows it. They request separate bedrooms for men and woman, but we still share a dorm room.  

[Server Joe]

DragonSlayer Arcos

Speedo Bro

Seeking Librium

Lately I've been hearing about either gay couples getting dorms together, or gays/lesbians searching each other out to get dorms together either for acceptance or with the intent of finding a potential romantic partner. I know several RAs (resident assistants) that have seen these kind of things happen, and I've heard of it happening in other colleges as well.

So this brings up an interesting issue: should colleges be able to forcibly separate gay or lesbian couples, or even make them room with the opposite sex? By the same token, what would they have to do about bisexuals?

Or would the easiest solution simply be to make all dorms mixed gender in the name of fairness so straight people also have a chance to pursue a romantic relationship with a roommate or room with a significant other?

The main idea about not having a man and a women being in the same dorm is not because of 'romantic relationships' its more about getting pregnant. Two men have a 0 chance to get pregnant and two women have the equal chances of the said two men if they were put together in a room. Its not about 'being fair' in fact the only way for a man and a women to dorm together is if they are married because married couple are expect to have children hence the reduction of many form of insurance when two peoples get married.

man + man = no pregnancy risk = no big deal
woman + woman = no pregnancy risk = no big
man + woman = pregnancy risk = big deal
This is why men and women cannot dorm together if they are not married.

While the majority of what you said is indeed true, I will disagree with the statement "This is why men and women cannot dorm together if they are not married." Since one it was already mentioned as possible by other posters, and two my college allows it. They request separate bedrooms for men and woman, but we still share a dorm room.

Let me correct myself than lol

Some*** colleges do not allow co-ed dorms because of this reason.