My first boyfriend Emergency

[Cerberus0.4]

About a year ago I asked a guy I had known for about 3 years to be my bf and he quickly answered with a yes, saying that he wanted to date me, but since I had proclaimed myself to be single for life, never had the courage. Since then we've had our ups and downs and with me in college and him basically just floating around trying to get by, the thoughts of 'what if we never' come into my head.

About two weeks ago or so we got into a major argument where he said that he 'didn't need any friends or anyone who cared for him,' and after a long pause on my end, he exclaimed that 'I bet you wouldn't care if I killed myself,' where in my mother stepped in and had me calm down before I ended up strangling him myself. Since then our relationship has been hazy to me. We still hang out, we still kiss each other, hug, all the "couple" sort of things, but, he's changed.

It pains me to admit it, but he left his phone over at my house today and I turned it on cause I love playing with his Apps only to find a text conversation between him and not only one girl who he asked plainly if he can have a pic of her boobs, but also one of my friends who now hates me cause I'm dating him saying that the thought of her naked turned him on.

I mean, I knew he had had a crush on my friend a while ago, but she turned him down until I started dating him and then she up and says that she doesn't want us to date cause she still has feelings for him. I don't know the other girl personally, but it still hurts. As far as I know, both girls think that he's single since he told everyone about the fight we had weeks ago. I honestly don't know what to do. He's flirting with other woman behind my back and barely even communicates with me anymore, not to mention that barely any of his friends knows that he has a girlfriend at all, he sometimes calls me by my friends name and he only comes by to mooch off of me.

Like I said, I don't know what to do. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks.  

[jesusgirl115]

I'm sorry : ( If you ever need to PM someone and talk I'm here for you.
I don't know you, I don't know him, I don't know what exactly your going through so I could be completely wrong on this, but I just want to say that for whatever the reason, you need to decide whether you would be okay marrying or continuing a relationship knowing that he is thinking/looking at girls in the way he so clearly asked for.
If you are to ask him why he did it he may say he is sorry, and truly be sorry, but if he's done it once what will stop him from doing it again? To you or another woman for that matter.?

(I don't want this to sound harsh or rude but I can't think of any other way to say it through the internet.)
It sounds to me that when you didn't agree with him and argued he began to think maybe he doesn't like you as much as he thought he did.
And he decided to look into other options. The fact that he didn't rub it in your face or announce it makes me wonder if maybe it's just a 'backup' kind of thing. Not definite but he knows he has someone to go to if things are for the worst...?

That is just an idea. He may have some very good reason for having that on his phone.
I don't know.

"Everything is okay in the end. If things aren't okay then it's not the end"

 

[passionatesoul]

Well, he doesn't seem all that keen anymore, so I would dump him because he's not treating right at all. And, the whole "I bet you wouldn't care" is just to make you feel bad. He seems to be cheating a little on you or losing interest atleast.  

[AngelAvalon]

No one deserves to be lied to. If he really thinks he has a chance of getting with one of these other girls dump him and let him find out for himself that he's not god's gift to women.  

[Utsukushii_Bambi]

Well, that does seem rather hard. Seeing as he doesn't treat you as his girlfriend in front of his friends is something that should not be going on. If he isn't flaunting you and telling others, 'Hey, this is my girlfriend' then you should talk to him about it. Tell him that it bothers you that he doesn't introduce you as his girlfriend, and simply a friend. As for the other girl thing, I also think you should hint to him about it. Knowing that you think something is going on and that you aren't comforatable about it.

Seeing as you know he is talking to other girls, hint to him like 'Oh so do you think this girl is pretty?' or maybe even mention the girl that he had asked for the photo. Ask him if the still talk or something, ask how their relationship has been, so on and so forth. It would be best not to mention you read his text, seeing as he could use that against you and see it as 'untrustworthy' or something like that. Then you can also mention the fact that the two of you need to talk, bring up the little argument and tell him how much it hurt you or it bothered you to hear that.

The main key with these type of things is to talk as much as you can. If nothing changes between the two of you, then you should dump him and leave at that. If he isn't treating you right even after the talk that you laid down to him, then he isn't worth it much. All you can do after that is wait and be patient. Maybe you can even ask if he has been seeing anyone. If he questions you why, just simply explain that things have just been drifting betweent he two of you, and that it just bothers you. Say that you trust him, but you're just scared that he's drifting away from you and you're just worried. The best you can do is just communicate as much as possible. Hope that help some dear. I'm sorry to hear about this.

 

[Lady Kira X]

You don't deserve that..  

[MiracleRayray2]

I am sorry this happened to you. it should not happen to anyone really. stare cry cry