Homophobic Friends. An in-closet dilemma

[noigel]

Anyone else have this problem?

You're in the closet and no one knows you're gay.
You also have friends that you really like and they a great people to be around.
But one problem: They're really homophobic. Whether it be the hateful/grossed out homophobia or the religiously deterred kind.
They're good friends who are really nice in general... it's just that.. if hypothetically you came out to them, they probably won't accept you and you stop being friends.
I know there's the saying that if they are real friends they'll accept you for who you are and that you can find new ones, but it is still disheartening that you have to lose them... isn't it? I guess I'm just ranting/venting.  

[MadHatterDA]

Hmm, I dunno in high school I wouldn't have told them. I know as an adult I have told friends like that. It's pretty common here living in the bible belt either people are very conservative, dislike it or are against it for religious purposes. Where I used to work I had a friend that was very much against it, and she wasn't being a jerk about it. She was a very conservative Christian and in her views and the way she practiced it was simply a sin and wrong. I was a little iffy about telling her, but I did eventually since we were very close. She sortta knew anyway and took it pretty well. I'm not saying she suddenly decided it was "ok" for me to be a lesbian, but she could be civil about it in front of me. I think in some situations that's about the best you can hope for, and if they can tolerate it because it's you...well then they really do like you. emotion_awesome  

[Elementalists]

well i'm not in the closet and sill in high school but people aren't really to mean towards me they realy can't tell until i say something and after a like five min. freak out, they seem to decide that its cool for me to be gay. But for your problem well your friends when i was in the closet i heard more and more of that it made me so nervous, i was almost in hysterics constantly when i was around my friends i could only unwind around the house by listening to music. is your family homophobic too? or just your friends? in either situation i think that instead of giving yourself the insanity defense you should just go head and come out. there are going to be your friends that reject you but, try and find a way to approach the subject with them. for example you've all met up at your house. her you say " hey guys thanks for coming i had something i wanted to talk to you about" they nod and u contiune " you know all of those gay jokes and stuff that you guys have been making" again they nod. " well i am gay and i kinda would appriciate it if you would stop." after the initial WTF moment they should calm down enough for you to get a coherent conversation going and if not well keep a baseball bat near by. ti seems your friends would turn very violent towards you.  

[Blackrose_Knight]

Think about it. Are they really great friends if they cannot accept the base core of yourself? Not really. I know you have formed connections with these folk and it is disheartening to lose friends no matter what but in the end it would be better for you, to not have friends like that.  

[shares_stomach_acid]

Your friends may surprise you. I have always been really open about my sexual orientation, and tend to forget that it can actually be a big deal most of the time. One of my really good friends was apparently homophobic. She and I became friends during math, and it wasn't until later in the year she found out that I was gay, and it actually changed her opinion on the matter. And now she's a big supporter. I have no idea if your friends will support you or not, but they may try to understand. And you could always kinda snoop around school and make a few friends who are supports, so if/when you do come out you have other friends to fall back on. Losing friends always really hurts, but some times its for the better. Being able to freely be yourself and not have to worry is a very liberating feeling. Although I also agree that waiting until your out of high school can be a good idea, depending on how homophobic your school is in general.  

[Daffodil the Destroyer]

I can't relate exactly, since I'm not gay. But I am an atheist in the Bible Belt, so I think I can sort of understand what it feels like. I'm afraid to come out as an atheist to most of the people I know in this area. Luckily, I have a few friends who are also atheists, and a few more who are theists, but are openminded enough not to judge me. It's easy (and true!) to tell someone that friends who will write you off for something like this aren't worth keeping... but when you live in a judgemental area and are afraid that coming out with something "unacceptable" will be social suicide... :/

I don't know what I'd do. I've come out as an atheist to some people as it seems safe and appropriate. It's probably more of a social risk to come out in high school than as an adult. Most adults seem to have learned to at least be cordial to people they disapprove of, but teenagers can be so brutal.

 

[WalrusCokeheadLizard]

Hm... I would make new friends that will accept you while you're still friends with them and after a while tell them and let them deal with it. It won't effect you as much if you have other friends that you know already accept you  

[weapon-of-love]

well i had a best frined or still do. i thought she was a he because of how she looked and then she said her name i was all lost and she hates gays and all that goodness. and at the time she had no clue that i was bi. and we were friends since 4th grade she found out i was in 8th. and we rode the bus and huged and kisses eachother cheeks and all that and once she found out she was ok with it she even to be silly asked me to marry her on the school bus. for the longest time she acted and told people we were dating but the though of really dating made her sick hahaha.

see that is a really sweet rcoking friend. and most people who hate gays they are in denile them selfs. and a true friend wont care what you are and who you are. if they do they are not a friend  

[Enderlad]

Trying to be friends with someone who doesn't accept you isn't worth it. They're not your friends if they want you to hide who you are from them.There are people out there who are willing to hang out with you and not act like ignorant jackasses. So why bother putting up with that?

If they did change their mind and became more accepting if you ever came out to them, that'd be awesome, but if that doesn't happen you don't have to put up with that. And you shouldn't.  

[Vinsmokin]

omg, i dont have any violently homophobic friends, but i do have a couple who use the word gay, and apply it as a synonym to stupid, bad, terrible, wrong, evil, bitchy, gross, etc. and one of them, is actually one of my better friends, and i know that if they cant except me for who i am, they arent worth it, but its still gonna hurt when the time comes.