issue closed

[Abrien Sliver]

...  

[Ariemea]

Oh my! That is a seriously complicated situation. I am not quite sure what to say here. As you have stated that you have not been cheating on your wife, I do think that it is wrong of her to withhold her trust from you. However, as I obviously don't know the whole story, I cannot say whether it is time to give up or not. (Not that I would be entirely comfortable giving out such advice even if I did know the whole story, as I am neither a marriage counselor nor a veteran of such experiences myself). However, I do know how women think, and I do not believe the feelings your wife is expressing are founded on nothing. As painful as it seems, I think you need to talk to her about why she is convinced that you are having an affair. If she won't respond reasonably to such questions, or you know it will turn into a fight, I would recommend doing so while another person (whom you both trust, or is a professional), is present. I know it is much easier to tell people about your situation online, as you won't be judged on here, but only relying on people online is dangerous, especially on a site which is used primarily by kids and teenagers. My only advice that I feel I deserve to give, is to communicate effectively, bring someone in real life into the discussion, and don't give up on your relationship too easily. You don't want to have lots of regrets later in life. When I was a kid, my parents went through an extremely rocky place in their relationship, but managed to barely hang on through it and are, once again, happy and secure in their relationship. And as for your question of whether your mindset is fair, I think it is only fair once you know where your wife is coming from and her side of things.

** *DISCLAIMER* I AM NOT A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, NOR AM I A VETERAN OF SUCH EXPERIENCES MYSELF. I AM ONLY GIVING ADVICE BASED ON WHAT I HAVE READ ABOUT DEALING WITH GENERAL RELATIONSHIP CRISES, AND COMMON SENSE. USE AT YOUR OWN RISK**  

[Koujo no Omoide]

I agree with Ariemea, mostly. You need to find a safe way to communicate to each other to start. My fiance and I are going through a rough time right now, if not for the same reasons, and we "talk" through letters so that way neither of us can blow up and hurt each other, and we can say what needs to be said without being cut off.

If, after a while -I generally say two months- nothing gets better, or you feel like you're not going anywhere, then discuss separating. Maybe not divorce, maybe so, I don't know what you two are comfortable with.

I'm not claiming to fix everything, just offering what's been working for me.  

[Abrien Sliver]

Well, We are trying to work things out, I am not allowed to talk to Kayla, being that my wife accuses her of intentionally tearing us apart, I don't know if that is going to work, I feel as though all it is doing is trapping me somewhere I don't want to be.