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 Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 3:03 pm
Date: July 28th, 2012
Time: 6:42 PM
Current Mood: Hopeful/At Ease
Currently Listening To: Xo- Fall Out Boy *FOB playlist in general* So... This is my first not-so-private journal musing. I really don't know how to approach these things, in all honesty. Maybe I should warn you of my general bluntness? I wasn't a kid whom could be bothered with these things- I ended up drawing pictures and writing stories in them, only to lose the key like, two days later.
Anyhow, I digress. The whole purpose of me doing this thing is to try to calm myself. I am a naturally agitated person,which is why I can't be hypnotized- I know this, I volunteered to be at my school's prom afterparty. Didn't work. So, many minor bitching and blabbering on about things might help. Personal therapy without the cost of a shrink? I can deal with that.
For the first time in a while, I've been at general ease. I suppose it's because for three years, I've been searching for something spiritual to hold close. I used to be Christian until ninth grade, but at that point, I no longer felt attached. Since then, I'd been basically viewing karma as good enough. However, in that same year, I read a novel called The Rule of Three, which had a lot to do with Wicca, and I adopted the Rule of Threes as something to live by, but I never paid attention to Wicca as a whole.
Despite that, back in March, my English 12 class was studying pre-Christian poetry, which dealt with Paganism, obviously. We spent a class talking about Pagan beliefs, and Wicca was mentioned. I don't know why, but something clicked in me. As of today, I'm starting to research Wicca, because I think it may be what I've been searching for... Date: July 28th, 2012
Time: 6:57 PM
Current Mood: Calmed
Currently Listening To:Elle Me Dit- Mika
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Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 3:35 pm
Hi there! emotion_hug There's a thread on Wicca in forum #32. Religious Haven. Come on over! I find journaling here therapeutic. The anonymity cdertainly helps, especially considering my rather, ah, peculiar relationship right now.
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Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 6:42 pm
Gigi Deveraux Hi there! emotion_hug There's a thread on Wicca in forum #32. Religious Haven. Come on over! I find journaling here therapeutic. The anonymity cdertainly helps, especially considering my rather, ah, peculiar relationship right now. Hey~! emotion_hug Actually, that very thread was what gave me that final reassurance- that I'd be able to talk to other girls who are Wiccan, so I'd have some type of mentor. Rainbowpop26 is the one I've been talking to today about it c: It is rather therapeutic, and I figure it can help me see change in myself c:
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Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 5:53 pm
Date: July 30th, 2012
Time: 9:40 PM
Current Mood: Anxious/Excited
Currently Listening To: Desperate Measures- Marianas Trench Well, today was alright. My father finally put the protectant spray on my turquoise Converse, so I'll be able to wear them to the valley without worrying about the dusty roads ruining them.
Well, in just 2 hours and 15 minutes, it will be midnight, which means my cousin's birthday, and my 9 month anniversary with my girlfriend. In ten hours and 45 minutes, it will be our official anniversary- we got together at 8:30 AM on Halloween. (How she said yes when I was dressed like a psychotic goth, I will never know XD).
I'm amazed that such a quiet little thing could put up with a blunt b***h like myself- it must be especially difficult to have a platonic relationship with me, as I am a Grey Ace. For understanding this and accepting it, I really feel appreciated. Luckily, I have a perverted mind, so I guess it works.
She is the 2P England to my uptight Austria/bitchy 2P France. I'd say to my France, as FrUK is our mutual OTP, but I'm not like France, hehe. Maybe she might also be the Quebec to my annoying-as-f~ck Ontario, because she's the only one who gets that joke.
So Haley... Merci, ma cherie~ Date: July 30th, 2012
Time: 9:52 PM
Current Mood: Grateful
Currently Listening To:Blood- My Chemical Romance
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Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 4:00 pm
Date: August 8th, 2012
Time: 7:40 PM
Current Mood: Buzzing mad
Currently Listening To: I Don't Care- Fall Out Boy I. Give. Up.
The past little while has been far too much for me to take. I just got over my parents telling me they want to split- putting full blame on me whilst they tell my sister how much they're sorry that I had to ******** everything for her. I had to listen to how angry my father is that I'm proud of my Queer sexuality, and how he refuses to let me make mention of it "in fear that it will hinder my credibility". Dad, we're in ******** CANADA. It's ILLEGAL for someone to be negatively effected for occupations due to sexual orientation. You're just trying to ******** hide your homophobia, which has made you greatly dislike me since I ******** came out last year. Guess what? I'm not all that fond of you, either, nor is my girlfriend or any other friends, all of whom want me to move in with them so I no longer have to deal with you.
After dealing with this, I have just discovered that my mum has been demoted at work because the regional managers render her incompetent for her position due to a brain injury! They didn't even have the DECENCY to tell her in a meeting- they told her when they were going out the ******** door, and say they may speak to her about it next week. Seriously? As if our family wasn't strained enough without my mum having to be upset over being whispered about to other staff members by the ******** MANAGERS because that was what was happening! They were ******** pointing at her and whispering.
People ******** wonder why I'm so pessimistic and cynical. People ******** suck. I mean really. //rant over. Date: August 8th, 2012
Time: 7:57 PM
Current Mood: Furious/Hopeless
Currently Listening To:Freak Out- Avril Lavigne
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Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 5:01 pm
Date: August 8th, 2012
Time: 8:57 PM
Current Mood: Hopeless
Currently Listening To: Savin' Me- Nickelback I am honestly running on The Promise and the ******** Famous Last Words song quote right now. Not fun...
Right now, the thought occupying my mind is when I was sick, watching The Outsiders. This was back in December. My girlfriend texted me after watching an AMV about a Hetalia character's suicide. She literaly begged me to promise her I wouldn't kill myself. Hence, The Promise. Date: August 8th, 2012
Time: 9:02 PM
Current Mood: Broken
Currently Listening To:Train Wreck- Misery from Ruby Gloom
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 2:46 pm
Date: August 13th, 2012
Time: 5:21 PM
Current Mood: Pained/Content
Currently Listening To: Shut Up- Simple Plan Live at the Hard Rock CD Well, I just got home from being in the valley for a few days, which was what I really needed, I suppose. I was staying at my aunt and her girlfriend's house, with my mum, sister, and grandma. The trip was amazing.
We went up on Friday, and stopped at roughly halfway of driving to kill some time by going to the big mall in NG. We stopped into Bluenotes and I got a blue tee with a decal of a grungily-painted Union Jack on it. For 10 bucks.
Most of the trip was for shopping, since I had graduation money to blow. We went to a little Retro Runaways shoppe and I got a plaid vest to match my tee. My sister found a Ke$ha CD and a little white sundress- her goal was to find a dress or skirt, since she's bigger, and our town only caters to people small like myself.
On Saturday morning, we went to the Wolfville farmer's market. It was indoors due to the weather, which I was a bit happy about. I spent most of my time there talking to an artist named Mark Oakley, who had a little stand set up, selling his posters and graphic novels. We talked about our art styles and he gave me tips about watercolour and the markers he uses. I bought his graphic novel, Star Drop, for 10, and he did a colour sketch of the main character right in the front cover for me, as well as signing it with a thank you! I finished reading it, so I'm going to draw some of his characters, and mail him the art. ^^
We then walked around Wolfville, into this little hole in the wall called Rainbow's End, which my sister and I now call the Geek Store. I bought a handful of Goosebumps books (I'm the one who will be reading Goosebumps at 30), some VHS tapes, The Grudge DVD, and Interview With the Vampire. (I was looking for Stephen King's "Misery", but it wasn't there ;_; ). Later that night, we went to the Just Us cafe theatre to see the live production of Educating Rita. It. Was. Hilarious. I obviously won't give spoilers, since I believe there's a movie of it, anyway. After the show, when we were walking back to the car, we saw the two actors at the pub, and they signed my playbill~!
Yesterday was rather uneventful, other than when we went to the farm that belongs to one of my aunts' friends, Jeff. My sister refused to go into the barn on account of the smell, but I'm not affected by it, really. There were 2 month old piglets in there. About ten of them, and they were the cutest little things~! OwO I wanted to hold one, but I was wearing my good clothes, so I couldn't. One of them was sniffing at me, though, an their little tails were all wagging. I didn't want to leave. They were too cute...
We drove home today, so not much to say about that. Date: August 13th, 2012
Time: 6:44 PM
Current Mood: Happy
Currently Listening To:Perfect- Simple Plan
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 4:51 pm
Alice WR Ashdown On Saturday morning, we went to the Wolfville farmer's market. It was indoors due to the weather, which I was a bit happy about. I spent most of my time there talking to an artist named Mark Oakley, who had a little stand set up, selling his posters and graphic novels. We talked about our art styles and he gave me tips about watercolour and the markers he uses. I bought his graphic novel, Star Drop, for 10, and he did a colour sketch of the main character right in the front cover for me, as well as signing it with a thank you! I finished reading it, so I'm going to draw some of his characters, and mail him the art. ^^ That is just so cool...! I'm totally in favor of supporting independent artists!
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 6:57 pm
//Major upset/sob rant warning
I'm done with celebrating my birthday, methinks. For the past two (including this one), it's just caused me pain.
Last year, the day before me 17th, I was invited to go eat with friends, only to find out they had decided to call me halfway through the meal and make it seem like a party- the food wasn't even stuff I ate. I left in upset, and they called me selfish as I left. I spent my birthday at school experiencing the silent treatment.
This year, things started out fine. I had the house to myself and the dog, and I went out for lunch with my grandmother. She gave me a kit of toiletries and whatnot, like every year, because she knows I rather like them. All was well. Then, my parents came home. They rushed me to hurry up and get my cake, even though I wanted to skype with a friend who recently moved- I missed my chance to, today. Then, my mum convinced me to go have dinner with a different friend- not one of the "friends" from the previous year. I almost didn't want to go in fear of a repeat. However, I went anyway. Her and I waited in line only to have the last 6 slices of pizza- the only kind we ate- bought by one of the prep girls we both despise. So, we went back to our table and tried to figure out what we were going to eat there, since we didn't have time to go somewhere else. The woman at the counter, whom we knew hated teenagers, kept barking at us to hurry up and order. I felt sick to my stomach by then, and I didn't even end up having a birthday dinner.
As if that wasn't enough, my mum picked us up, took my friend home, and we had to stop at a convenience store. My mum told me to call home to ask what slushie my sister wanted- she wanted blue raspberry. However, the second I said I was getting it for her, the ditzy girl behind the counter said, "Oh, they're plugged in, but not working properly- only cherry is." So, I had to call back, my dad answered, sounding pissed, and I had to tell that only cherry was working. My sis said okay, but then my mum told me to tell her nevermind because it wasn't even proper slush yet, just a juicy mush. I heard my dad laughing on the other end of the phone as I tried to explain, but all he said was. "Forget it. Make up your mind and leave me alone already. Bye." With that, he hung up and I started crying right in the middle of the store. My mum gently told me to go to the car when she paid for her things, and apologized for my dad taking things out on me.
When I got home, my dad started asking me what was wrong, but I couldn't even look at him. I just went to my room. They started fighting over what happened, and he didn't see the big deal. He just thought I was over reacting. He didn't even give a real apology other than, "sorry if I hurt your feelings somehow, and besides, your sister and I thought the whole thing was funny". By now, my mum's main concern was not fighting with him again, so she didn't even press the subject- instead, she started taking his side and saying that I had no right to enter the house in a bad mood.
Later on, she confronted me and said that they weren't speaking and that I had ruined the weekend for them. She flip-flopped from saying, "_____, it's her birthday, let her be," to "Why didn't you just stay in the car? You were being melodramatic again and look what you did."
Yep. Happy 18th birthday.
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 6:09 am
I still feel sick to my stomach, and not from the cheesecake. When I took my dog out this morning, when I walked past my mum, whom was sleeping on the couch, for the second time, my knees buckled, and I nearly feel with the dog in my arms. If that's how I react just walking past her, I fear how it'll be when my parents are awake and acknowledging me.
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