✿ My Unpredictable Life~ [All are welcome]

[Clasela]

Gigi Deveraux

♥ So am I. It's amazing how removing a 'toxic' person from my life has really lifted my spirits and made me feel free.  

[Clasela]

♥ Bring on the future~

January 23rd 2013, 04:58 PM

Things have begun to get better. I'm completing a B.A. to be one step closer to my dream career; dad's treatment is working and slowly, day by day, I am learning to heal and overcome the haunting, aggressive sorrow that lingers in my mind.

For me, this is a year to define myself, discard my misery in all of its forms and prepare for the future. However it is easily said than done. So I am going to vent. [ABUSIVE LANGUAGE WARNING] I am now nineteen and I am discovering that I am so different from my (old) best friend. On my birthday, she drunkenly rang me up (for goodness sake, I didn't even get drunk on my birthday!), after having moved in with her other friend (whom she always rings me up and complains about - the whore who calls her fat and cheats on her own boyfriend all the time), and made a complete fool of herself, saying such immature things: "ooh you're going to have birthday sex!" - So what if I am? It's none of your business. And so on. Maybe I am overreacting? But I just feel as though my maturity level is so much higher than hers. Yes, I've had to grow up a lot, dating an older man and watching your father die, definitely has something to do with that! Or maybe I'm just a prude?

She wants me to go out with her and the whore in Feb, but I'm starting to regret saying yes. I find it embarrassing sitting next to someone who is saying personal things aloud for the world to hear and blaming the alcohol for it the next day. It's not the alcohol's fault; it's called "self control"!

Ugh. On a brighter note, I got a hair cut today. Bye-bye long locks and hello sexy bob with bangs that make me look a little older, but better. And I've been filling my wardrobe with new pieces that I could still wear in ten years time. Yes, I am preparing for future me, sassy editor who visits the city to submit her work and can come home to her little country abode with loving partner and little hyper Bon-bon dog in the waiting.

I cannot wait to make new friends. I have two great friends apart from her, who have already matured and I am so grateful for them, but I look forward to making more.  

[Clasela]

♥ Planning and making amends~

January 31st 2013, 06:23 PM

Not long after I made the above entry, I got into a little spat with my friend whom I was talking about. We had planned on making a catch up phone call and I messaged her asking if it was okay to call. She replied back saying that she had planned on watching Gossip Girl with the whore since it was the first night they had long since they moved in together. I said it was fine when it wasn't and she knew that and asked me what was wrong. Then I lost it. I said that she'd rather blow off her friend of eight years who needs someone to talk to about her problems, to watch a DVD with the whore who used to ditch her to go out with other people and I was always there to talk to when she was all alone after being ditched. We fought, accused each other and apologised to one another and got over it.

I think I'm really just scared that I'm going to lose my friend and I admitted it to her. I don't want her to become like the whore and I know that she won't, but I'm still scared. Since I want to get a few things off of my chest, I'm going to rant about the whore and her stupid mistakes and why I'm glad I am no longer her friend. I guess the reason why I detest her so much is of what she did to us and me in high school. She used to move groups and pick sides so easily that one day she was your friend and the next she wasn't and when she wasn't, she'd b***h about you and when she was, she'd suck up and beg for money, complaining about how poor she was.

What she said about me, was rude and she had no right. It was our friend who told me when she was talking about me behind my back. "I bet she's a buzz kill in bed." I was a virgin at the time, wanting to save myself for the right person. Unlike her, I didn't sleep with every bloke at the party and cheat on my boyfriends with multiple guys. At least now I can say that I am no buzz kill, take that b***h! And at least now I have a healthy relationship that has lasted longer than hers combined. The funny thing is, she still cheats on her boyfriends and wonders why she gets called a slut by her sister's friends.

Glad that's off of my mind. I've been spending a lot of time with my friend Skye. She hates the whore as well; I don't remember the reason why, but all the same. We've been planning our future as friends. We both want to move into the next town and since she wants to study photography and I'm studying writing, we hope to combine our skills to do something together like a travel blog or something.

Anywho, it's Matt's birthday tomorrow so I best be off to bake his cookie and cream cupcakes that I promised~  

[Clasela]

♥ The build up~

February 15th 2013, 11:37 AM

I am at boiling point, really. Ex-best friend’s stupid decisions are really pissing me off. I mean one day, she says she wants a relationship and the next she is sleeping around with one of her friends. It is just so stupid and I am sick of it. I went to confide in her the other day about how sometimes I get annoyed when Matt gets jealous over other guys looking at me when we go out and she took it the wrong way, saying that it was degrading and disgusting how he doesn't trust me. Couples do that, they tease each other and that is all it was. I just wanted to rant about how it annoys me, not be judged on how my relationship lacks trust and all that s**t.

I talked to Skye about it and she said that ex-best friend has no idea because she's never been in a relationship, so she wouldn't know about how couples joke, since her and her boyfriend do it all the time as well. I have just really had enough. Moreover, since I was diagnosed with anxiety just last week, I cannot take anymore on my plate. I have always loved helping people, but lately, I can barely help myself let alone others.

The anxiety scares me. My blood pressure changed so rapidly in less than 10 minutes and I have not been sleeping well. However, the pills she gave me have been working. They balance the chemicals in my brain and I feel so relaxed and calm, even when I hear bad news. It is nice to feel normal again. Nevertheless, I cannot take anymore s**t from her, I really cannot. Its bad enough I have to struggle with dad's cancer and looking after him, mum's brain aneurism, my upcoming Uni course and my day-to-day life, without anything extra. Ugh, I'm just so stressed even though I cannot feel it. I just don't know what to do. I want to end my friendship with her, but I don't want to leave her alone in the aftermath of her stupid decisions. Help anyone?  

[Clasela]

✿ So predictable~

March 15th 2013, 08:18 AM

Best friend and I made up again. Turns out she wasn't sleeping around, it was just a rumour. I should have known better. We've been friends for nearly ten years. The other night when I was talking to her, she had just about had enough of the whore. She went out and brought them dinner and when she came home, the whore had ran off with some guys and her dinner went cold.

This morning around 6am, I got a phone call from best friend saying that her and the whore had a fight last night over the guy, Ryan, who best friend has had a huge crush on for over a year. She found out that the whore - who had just broken up with her on-again off-again boyfriend - had been texting Ryan and flirting with him behind best friend's back. This was the final straw for her. She was crying this morning weighing the decision of moving back home because she had had enough of the whore and all of her crap. They were only living together for three months.

Personally, I am glad that she will be out of there. It's bad enough hearing your friend cry over the phone. She said to me that she should have realised ages ago in high school that the whore was always mean to her. In which she was and has only been using her for her car privileges. I feel so relieved for her now. At least I know she'll be safe at home rather than living with the whore.