I've been writing this story a while now which I have named I found you. I've been going through it and editing it, and I just wanted to get some advice and tips to improve for my first opening paragraphs, much appreciated :3
Quote:
I gaze up at the sky of the morn’. The sun is tucked away in a corner of the sky and the clouds are gradually yet silently travelling across the horizon. The normally blue sky today looks like a palette of colour. The branches wave as the wind whistles and the leaves rustle quietly; the sounds all together are somewhat soothing. As I head deeper into the emerald blur of the forest, I trip on a gnarled root of an ancient tree, which looms over me like a giant.
“Sorry Bessie,” I say, picking myself up and patting her trunk. The bark feels rough against my fingertips, but I don’t mind, I’m used to it. I continue down the dirt path until I reach it, my favourite spot. There is a waterfall at the head of a small lake, with a river flowing from it towards the town. I cross the copper bridge and sit in the shadows of my favourite tree, pulling my sketch book and pencil out. I start to sketch the surrounding morning, while listening to the waterfall gush down and splash into the cool pool beneath it.
My eyelids flutter for a moment, like the wings of a small, delicate butterfly. I open my eyes wide and yawn a little. It is only after I stretch that I realise I am not in my bed, but the lap of a tree. Before I can do, or even think anything, I hear a couple of heavy footsteps in the distance, coming from behind me; dare I look? Then I hear a low whimper, and a crash which seemed to fill the whole forest with its echo. It was as if something large had just died of exhaustion. I get to my feet, and not caring for my life, I start to sprint towards the sound, what was it? I just had to find out. The faster I run, the louder my breathing becomes until I am panting. When I reach the clearing, I too collapse. I lean against a tree and look down at the beautiful creature. I feel a smile creep itself onto my lips. I hear a voice at the back of my mind which urges me to draw it, to take it home, to keep it to myself it is so beautiful. This is love at first sight.
“Sorry Bessie,” I say, picking myself up and patting her trunk. The bark feels rough against my fingertips, but I don’t mind, I’m used to it. I continue down the dirt path until I reach it, my favourite spot. There is a waterfall at the head of a small lake, with a river flowing from it towards the town. I cross the copper bridge and sit in the shadows of my favourite tree, pulling my sketch book and pencil out. I start to sketch the surrounding morning, while listening to the waterfall gush down and splash into the cool pool beneath it.
My eyelids flutter for a moment, like the wings of a small, delicate butterfly. I open my eyes wide and yawn a little. It is only after I stretch that I realise I am not in my bed, but the lap of a tree. Before I can do, or even think anything, I hear a couple of heavy footsteps in the distance, coming from behind me; dare I look? Then I hear a low whimper, and a crash which seemed to fill the whole forest with its echo. It was as if something large had just died of exhaustion. I get to my feet, and not caring for my life, I start to sprint towards the sound, what was it? I just had to find out. The faster I run, the louder my breathing becomes until I am panting. When I reach the clearing, I too collapse. I lean against a tree and look down at the beautiful creature. I feel a smile creep itself onto my lips. I hear a voice at the back of my mind which urges me to draw it, to take it home, to keep it to myself it is so beautiful. This is love at first sight.
