[SOLO] Fai's Fun Time

[Ice Queen]

Quote:

Setting: In the future Fai gives up being a horseman entirely and heads out into Halloween, trying to make a living and integrate with the new society--with less than stellar results. (This will be an ongoing solo!)

Fai was wandering through the lair, looking for somewhere to take a nap when he caught sight of a flash from the corner of his eye. Now most people were being hauled through portals, tossed into worlds all over the place--but Fai was always a strange one (and his RPer just wants to flat-out AU him.) He headed for the glint, bending down and looking at the mirror--then reaching forward for the handle. The moment his fingers touched it, though, his body crumpled, falling unconscious to the ground.

*****


The horseman sat on a bench next to a bus sign. His hair was pulled back in a thick, thick pony tail, his face half hidden by a baseball hat. Every once in a while one of his strands of hair would move, as if settling itself as it tried to sleep. The clothes were all wrong. He wore a pair of jeans, a red T-shirt, and most shockingly of all, boots. The golden bracelet that had once wrapped around his ankle was gone.

For a moment he stared around blankly, wondering what was happening--then he shrugged and decided it might be interesting to play along. He looked down at the paper in his hand, reading the cover curiously as he realized what it was--and what date it said. He had a newspaper that apparently he'd been flipping through, and the want ads page had an ad that seemed practically made for him--

Wanted:
One carnivorous plant expert
to tend garden. Pays 6 seeds
an hour, raise opportunities
good.

Which he took to mean someone had lost their last gardener to their plants. They probably didn’t want to spend too much on the new guy until he had proven he could survive. To the poor, and somewhat hungry (what? Grubs were easy to find around here!) horseman, it was good enough.

Who would have thought he’d wind up a servant to the halloweeners in this strange world? Although he was not as uppity as the Conquest Clan, he was still a horseman by birth. Then again, he’d chosen this, hadn’t he--or at least he'd thought of it. Even in his real life, he’d gotten curious as to what this new world had to offer. In this strange world, he wondered if he'd even bothered to tell the protectors that he was leaving before packing a bag and setting out.

A screech came, followed by a grunt as the trolley pulled to a stop in front of him. Fai folded his newspaper and stuck it under his arm as he headed up the steps and inside the trolley. The woman (a massive undead with a beard like a lumberjack) looked at him suspiciously as he dropped the toll into the box and headed for the back of the trolley. “We don’t want no trouble,” she called after him.

“Of course not,” he said mildly, dropping into the very backmost seat--which somehow set him in the midst of several strange, and rather angry looking fellows. “Greetings, I hope this day sees you well,” Fai said politely.

“You’re sittin’ in our spo--WHAT THE JACK IS THAT??” one of the men yelped, jumping back as one of Precious’s larger heads appeared right in his face.

“Ah, Precious likes you,” Fai said, happily. “It doesn’t tend to get attracted this quickly. Perhaps you are bleeding somewhere? Do forgive it if it tries to taste you--it is still learning what’s appropriate and what is not.”

He got the bench to himself, just like that. Well, it also might have had to do with the rest of his hair branching out, as well, creeping over the seats, sniffing the rest of the man’s friends. Regardless, it was yet another peaceful trolley ride for the horseman.

“Mama... his hair is neat,” he heard a scareling whisper.

“Shh, don’t look at him.”

And just once--“Horseman.”

Perhaps he hadn’t quite lost his name in this trance, Fai thought with an inner sigh, pulling open his newspaper once again. Which he read until the ghoul driving the trolley practically shoved him out the door at his destination.

The house was huge. It loomed over the massive maze that covered the mansion grounds (it couldn’t be called a yard, it could POSSIBLY be called a football field, had there been less plants) in a sinister, foreboding manner that didn’t impress Fai in the least. In fact, to this horseman’s eyes it looked very much like a themepark amusement. He idly wondered if they hired ghosts to haunt the hauls. But, he thought as he stepped up to the metal gate, they DID have some interesting plant life.

There was a small button on a box next to the gate, which Precious had pressed without his realizing. “State your name and reason for coming,” a voice said from the box. Fai looked at it curiously.

“I am Faiyum Riaz, of the--well, I am answering the ad for the carnivorous plant expert,” he said.

“You’ll have to come through the maze, then,” the man on the speaker said. “You should understand why. I would be cautious, though, it’s been starved for the past week.”

“Of course, I thank you for the opportunity,” Fai said. There was silence for a beat, then two, before the gate swung open, letting him in.  

[Ice Queen]

The maze was dark and shadowy, it twisted around itself, disorienting the person walking through it--or it would have, had the person probably not been terrified beyond reason by the plants trying to eat them already. Fai--well, technically Fai should have been running screaming straight into a dead end that would have ripped him to pieces and waited patiently for him to respawn in a small area with pumpkins growing--and then did it again.

Alas, Fai was too busy making friends.

“Ah, lovely foliage--but you do look a bit withered, they haven’t been feeding you properly, I see,” he said, stroking a massive venus flytrap style plant’s head. It snapped at his fingers and he laughed, his hand gone before the mouth closed. “Naughty, naughty,” he scolded it. “Let me check your PH, darkling,” he said, crouching down to stick a finger into the earth. Unbeknownst to him--or rather, ignored by him, Precious and the flytrap started snapping at one another, leaving Precious gnawing on the poor plant for a second before Fai stood again.

“Really, Precious, please refrain from eating our new friends!”

Above his head a camera lens turned, focusing on the horseman after a second of moving around--the person operating it wasn’t used to a person being so still.

“What IS he?” the demon demanded as he stared over his guard’s shoulder at the screen. “Usually they’re dead by now!”

“You did put the word ‘expert’ into the ad, sir,” the werewolf said, feeling irritated all over again. His mad scientist boss tended to play evil little games, and while the werewolf didn’t really care most of the time, he was the one that had to go through the freakin’ maze to get the parts that the plants DIDN’T eat! It was disgusting, and often painful work! He didn’t get paid nearly enough for this job.

“The boogies were starting to get suspicious,” his boss said. “But this is a cheap and easy way to feed my plants, so I can’t give it up just yet, you know. Starving my babies would be a horrible act of cruelty.”

“Whereas feeding unknowing strangers to them is kindness embodied,” the werewolf said dryly.

“Was that sarcasm?” the demon demanded. “Because sarcasm can also be considered treason!!”

“Sir, no sir,” the werewolf replied. Although when this had become a kingdom he had no idea. Ah well--

The werewolf stopped, zooming in on the creature in the maze. “Sir--what species does that look like to you?” he asked after a moment.

“How should I know? Maybe he’s a reaper--“

“No... I don’t believe reapers come with hair like that,” the were said, watching the hair for a long moment. “Perhaps a plant demon of some sorts?” he offered. Inwardly, though, there was a tiny nudge in the back of his mind, whispering something urgent that he wasn’t quite understanding. He hadn’t watched much news lately--his job had him staring at TV screens far too much already. If he had, he would have recognized the strange creature for exactly what he was--and promptly quit. He would look back at this moment and curse himself for a very, very long time in the future.

Fai, meanwhile, had started a leisurely trek through the maze, not really minding when he found a few dead ends. It was astonishing how well he seemed to do with murderous plants, in fact, several vines tried to follow him around--limited by their lengths, much to their sadness. It was, Fai decided, quite a poor environment for these lovely specimens. They didn’t seem to be cared for properly, at all. In fact, the deeper he got into the maze, the hungrier they seemed.

He would have to speak with the owner, he decided, gently patting the head of a withering plant. If he was going to take over this garden he would need a fresh source of FEAR to feed it on at least a weekly basis. The small creatures that were sneaking into the garden just weren’t enough. Perhaps there were scarelings that could be provided?

It was this thought that occupied him as he reached the front door of the house, standing there quite oblivious as Precious reached out, pushing the buzzer.

“You--ah--made it,” a man said over the speaker. “Can I ask your name, stranger?”

“Ah, yes, I believe I told you already,” Fai said. “But I am Faiyum Riaz. An expert in carnivorous plants. I would like to take the job as your gardener.”

“I--I see,” the man said. “Please, come in?”

The door swung open and Fai walked in, hands in his pockets and a slightly bored expression on his face. He missed the maze already. Casually he looked around, then headed up the massive set of steps in the middle of the entry way. It seemed there was no one on this floor.  

[Ice Queen]

“He’s coming,” the werewolf said, standing. “I’ll lead him to your office, then?”

“NO!” the demon bellowed--then took a deep breath. He couldn’t even get through the maze--especially not as fast as this stranger had--this creature was DANGEROUS!

“Then where should I lead him?” the werewolf asked. “If I don’t move now, he’ll be here at any moment.”

“Take him--take him to the drawing room. Yes! The drawing room. Take him there.”

The werewolf said nothing, just headed out the door to intercept the newcomer before he found something he shouldn’t. When he did find the horseman on the steps, he was shocked at how petite the other male was in real life.

“Greetings,” the werewolf said. “I am Noah of the Fangbarer Clan. And you are?” Although he’d asked this several times--and only gotten a name. He was fishing for something more.

“Faiyum, of the Famine Clan,” Fai said--simply because formalities had been offered.

“Famine--you--“ Noah barely managed to stop himself. “Please, follow me,” he said, turning and heading for the drawing room with a stiff legged gate. This was a horseman. He had heard horror stories of the horsemen--but never once had he imagined he would meet one! “Please, make yourself comfortable while I go get the master.”

“Your master... a mad scientist perhaps?” Fai asked.

“Yes, sir.”

“I find it fascinating that he has a werewolf for an igor.”

“Good parts are hard to find, sir,” Noah said as he headed out the door, closing it behind him. He was tempted to lock it, but terrified to know what the horseman would do if he did so. Instead he headed straight for the demon in charge. “Sir he’s--“

“In the drawing room, yes, I know--“

“No, sir he’s--“

“Much shorter than I expected,” the demon said, sounding surprised. “He’s rather close to petite for a male, don’t you think?”

“Sir, he’s--“

“But as much as I hate to admit it, the hair is fascinating,” the demon went on. “I wonder what sort of demon--“

“Horseman.”

“Horseman has ha--ha--WHAT?” the demon yelped.

“Sir, his name is Faiyum of the FAMINE CLAN,” Noah pronounced clearly. “That is a famine clan, not a reaper clan or a demon--it is a HORSEMAN title. I would suggest--“

“I can’t hire a horseman!!” the demon yelped, panicking to the point he was pulling at his hair. “What would the boogies say?? I’d be stuck in those horrible, lifeless cells, never to see the light of day again! They would experiment on me! Horrible, horrible experiments of which there is no description!! They would--“

“Sir, I suggest--“

“Oh, Noah, what am I going to DOOOOO??” the demon wailed, falling dramatically to his knees, his hair sticking up in all directions.

“You shouldn’t hire him,” Noah said.

“........” The demon went still, staring at the floor with his hands in his ears. “No... no... we must think rationally,” he said, reaching up and fixing his hair. “We should handle this in a way that is appropriate for mad scientists. I will see him.”

“And tell him the position has been filled--“

“I will hire him,” the demon said, clearly not listening to the werewolf. “And then we will discreetly rid ourselves of him!”

“Say what?”

“Kill him, Noah, We. Will. Kill. Him,” the demon said with a maniacal smile.

“Sir, I don’t think--“

“It’s decided! How do I look?” the demon asked, standing and turning to the werewolf. His hair was a mess, white and flapping all over the place, his red skin looked pale and almost transparent from lack of sun and proper nutrition, and his eyes gleamed with pure insanity.

“You look fine, sir,” Noah said blandly.

“Good. Now, to hire a horseman.” And he strolled out of the room as if he knew exactly what he was doing, leaving Noah to wonder if he could get a reference before the demon was murdered in his sleep a few times.  

[Ice Queen]

This trance experience was much more pleasant than the last one he’d been in, Fai was thinking as he wandered around the drawing room. It seemed a “drawing” room was a room for casual torture and objects of horror and macabre. He picked up a miniature guillotine and admired it for a moment--then saw a plant sitting in the windowsill. It was crudely done, he thought as he got closer. The experiments that the scientist had done on it had it slowly dying, the balance of bud to strength of stem to unbalanced for it to ever operate properly. It was probably the first experiment, Fai decided. The one that led to the lovely creatures in the garden. Possibly he had cross-pollinated with the local plantlife to gain more balance and symmetry--

“Ah, forgive her, Alice just isn’t feeling quite the thing today,” a demon said from behind him. Fai turned, looking at the mad scientist curiously. “Greetings, and welcome to my humble home,” the demon went on. “My name is Professor Dionaea. I am but a humble demon working to fill the world with beauty. Tell me, did you enjoy my little...” and then he stopped, clearly not coming up with the right word for his living death trap.

“Your collection is quite lovely,” Fai said. “I was just admiring how you’ve cross-pollinated your creation to make it sturdier in the real world.”

“Ah... you noticed that,” Dionaea said. They smiled at each other--the types of smiles you see when two predators walk into the same territory. “Alice was actually my childhood project,” he went on. “She had great promise, but I went too quickly to make her a viable subject.”

“Yes, I noticed,” Fai said.

“Your hair--“ Dionaea said. “It’s quite lovely. Tell me, did you implant it directly or is it something you can... remove?”

“Everything is something you can remove with a little effort,” Fai said.

“Including you!” Dionaea screamed, grabbing for the fireplace poker--

Fai’s bladed meteor ball slammed into his head, crushing his skull before he even managed to wrestle it out of the rack. For a second the gory image of the murdered scientist fell to the ground--then it dissipated, leaving the room empty.

“Ah, my,” Fai said mildly. “I believe I reacted rashly. I wonder if I’ll still get the job...” he said, letting his weapon dissipate and turning back to Alice.

***

Dionaea cursed as he came to. He’d planted a small pumpkin patch in his science lab--accidents happened pretty often in his workplace, but he’d never even seen this one coming. “Damn that stupid rack!” he cursed. “I could have had him!”

“Sir--“

“Remind me not to use the rack again--or better yet, get a better one!”

“Sir--I think you need to see this,” Noah said.

“What IS IT?” Dionaea yelled, finally turning to the werewolf. “When did you get down here?” he added, looking at Noah suspiciously.

“I came when you went into the drawing room, sir,” the werewolf said blandly. He’d actually expected this to happen--but he hadn’t realized about the weapon. “Sir, this is NOT someone you can kill,” he said bluntly.

“Of course I can!” Dionaea shouted. “IF I HAD A BETTER RACK!!”

The werewolf stared at him blandly. “Sir, I don’t know how much you know about horsemen--I didn’t realize this myself until now--but--“

“Call up the rack makers! Tell them I have a bone to pick with them!”

“He killed you with a WEAPON, sir,” Noah said.

“...What?” Dionaea asked, the words finally sinking into his brain. “You mean he’s a reaper?”

“No, sir, I’m still positive he’s a horseman. But he killed you with a weapon that he summoned. Watch this,” he said, bringing it up on the screen on the wall. Dionaea was paranoid about everything--so he had two security system bases--one for Noah to watch everyone from, the other for him to watch Noah.

The scene on the screen was ugly and awkward, leaving Dionaea speechless as he saw himself floundering around, trying to pull out a pathetic metal stick--and the horseman summoning a dangerous looking weapon--and crushing his head with it in a blink of an eye.

“Get--“ Dionaea said slowly.

“Get?”

“Get him. Off. Of. My. GROUNDS,” the demon bellowed. The smell of urine rather ruined the rage. He’d just pissed himself.

Ten minutes later Fai found himself being cordially escorted out the back door--which slammed shut behind him with an unwelcoming sound.

Then he woke up, back to the real world. Ah well, he thought as he stood and stretched. It had been fun while it lasted.
FIN