Sometimes I feel like I'm going through at stage of life where I am not doing anything but normal routines. I'm happily in love with my partner, so it is nothing to do with complacency there. I believe it is more towards me not doing something exciting everyday. I feel like I should be trying to do something, but I'm not sure what.

I've talked to my boyfriend about this, but he believes that I should just be thankful for my good life so far and continue on with my routines. But I hate being complacent so much. It literally drives me stir crazy. I'm not sure if any of you have this as bad as me. I haven't really noticed it though lately except for this morning. I noticed that I do the same exact things, day in and day out.

I mean I'm only twenty, and I have a lot of life to live. Of course I've been feeling very strange with that as well. I'm an infantryman in the National Guard, and I'm wanting to deploy after my last year of college to help gain some money for a place to live for my partner and me. But something in the back of my head says that I shouldn't. And everytime I think about it I get a crazy quote from God knows where stuck in my head," Are you prepared to die?". I don't believe if I went on that deployment that I would die, but something keeps eating away at me.

When I get down to it, I guess I don't know. I've come to terms with the idea of dying cause it is my job and my future job. I'm an infantryman plus I'm trying to become as SWAT officer. But when it comes down to it, I don't think anyone is truly ready to die.

Any thoughts on what you think I am feeling? I'm at a complete and total loss.