Not sure what to do..

[DinoCory]

Okay I really like this guy that's 18 and I'm 24, but he's not gay or bi and he has interest in me as a girl.. But I dislike my girl parts and want to get a sex change.. He doesn't know this yet.. I never even told him I was transgender and we known each other for 4 years now. I think he'll hate me if I told him and lose interest in me.. We do have a lot of things in common such as drawing, writing, collecting, and the same taste in video games.. He's almost like my twin in a way, I think the only thing we don't share of interest is sports.. He loves football, basketball, and baseball.. I can't stand watching sports I find them very boring.. I just very afraid that if I tell him about wanting a sex change he'll not even want to be friends anymore.. He just told me today that he loved me.. but I know for a fact he's not into guys.. I'm so very confused and very unsure if I should tell him.. I like him a lot, but I'm not sure about loving him yet.. I feel like i'm living a lie if I don't tell him... But on the other hand I know it would be the right thing to do... But I really don't want to lose a awesome friend..  

[MadPad]

The good thing is you don't know how he will react. That means you don't have to necessarily lose him, if you tell him the truth. You know each other for quite some time now and by what you tell it seems like he's really into you.

If I were in your shoes, concealing the fact that I don't feel comfortable with my biological gender would slowly destroy me from the inside (I assume you are absolutely sure about your gender identity). I would have to tell him the facts.

He may feel hurt because you reject his advance and confused because it may catch him by surpise, but he is still your friend and as a friend he'll understand. Just make sure to explains things thoroughly, how you feel about yourself and what you feel for him, he needs to realize how important he is to you.

If he loses interest in you as a friend just because of that, what would that tell you about him?  

[Saint Sims]

You just have to explain to him what you did to us.

You told us how he felt, you told how you felt.

You shared with us your fears but also the potential gains from being honest.

In any situation it's always best to be upfront and open with whomever.

 

[Jaxinc]

Ok...

If he is really your friend and loves you then he will understand, or at least try to. If he can't do that then it was a false thing to begin with.

My mate is male and wishes to have their gender changed to female, and I am perfectly fine with that. To me it's still my mate regardless of what they look like or what parts they have. Relationships shouldn't be centered around that anyways... and should be about loving each other.

Ultimately if you want to stay with him in an official capacity more than just a friend you WILL have to tell him one day. Might as well tell him now before you become romantically involved any more than at the moment and cause a problem.  

[Lady Kayura]

Jaxinc

Relationships shouldn't be centered around that anyways... and should be about loving each other.

Chemistry is a big part of many relationships. My fiancee is madly in love with me. But if I decided that I wanted to get rid of my lady bits for male bits, then we would have a huge problem because he wouldn't be attracted to me. Attraction and a healthy sex life is important to both of us.

It's great you'd be attracted to your mate no matter what parts they have. But not everyone is capable of doing that. It seems a bit unfair to expect people to be capable of that.

OP, yes, you need to tell him and the sooner the better. Especially before the relationship progresses.  

[Jaxinc]

Lady Kayura

Jaxinc

Relationships shouldn't be centered around that anyways... and should be about loving each other.

Chemistry is a big part of many relationships. My fiancee is madly in love with me. But if I decided that I wanted to get rid of my lady bits for male bits, then we would have a huge problem because he wouldn't be attracted to me. Attraction and a healthy sex life is important to both of us.

It's great you'd be attracted to your mate no matter what parts they have. But not everyone is capable of doing that. It seems a bit unfair to expect people to be capable of that.

Oh no that's understandable as physical attraction is the common base for most relationships and always has been. I was just pointing out that it shouldn't be the center of the relationship.

From a different point of view if you were in an accident causing you to lose your bits would it cause your mate to love you any less, or not find you attractive? It shouldn't as you're the same person they were first attracted to and fell in love with. This was more my point, and not that it should be expected because it certainly is not expected by most.

I'm slightly different being as I'm pansexual, and gender or appearance is meaningless to me.  

[Lady Kayura]

Jaxinc

Oh no that's understandable as physical attraction is the common base for most relationships and always has been. I was just pointing out that it shouldn't be the center of the relationship.

From a different point of view if you were in an accident causing you to lose your bits would it cause your mate to love you any less, or not find you attractive? It shouldn't as you're the same person they were first attracted to and fell in love with. This was more my point, and not that it should be expected because it certainly is not expected by most.

I'm slightly different being as I'm pansexual, and gender or appearance is meaningless to me.

There is a HUGE difference between being in an accident and being disfigured and willingly choosing to change your biological anatomy. So much so that I find it unfair to compare the two. Apples and oranges, mate.

One would need to endure one hell of an accident that would require something comparable to changing one's naughty bits. One could get cancer and need surgeries that could change such. I've taken care of such patients. But again, the cancers that would change that are fairly rare.

To go back to my boything, losing arms/legs wouldn't faze him. Being facially disfigured wouldn't faze him. But as a very straight male, taking my female bits away and adding a p***s would. And no accident or disease could do that to me. That said, my boything is a lot more awesome than most people. Some people wouldn't be able to deal with such disfigurement or physical changes. And that'd suck. But the point remains that an accident/disease isn't comparable to a sex change.

If the OP's crush is a very straight male and likes lady bits, knowing what the OP wants to do might kill the attraction. It may not. It'd be great if it didn't. But he can't be faulted for it. Now if the crush decides to hate on the OP because of his choice, that he can be faulted for. If he ends the friendship over that, that he can be faulted for. But not for NOT having an attraction to man bits.

EDIT: It's early as hell.  

[Jaxinc]

Lady Kayura

There is a HUGE difference between being in an accident and being disfigured and willingly choosing to change your biological anatomy. So much so that I find it unfair to compare the two. Apples and oranges, mate.

One would need to endure one hell of an accident that would require something comparable to changing one's naughty bits. One could get cancer and need surgeries that could change such. I've taken care of such patients. But again, the cancers that would change that are fairly rare.

To go back to my boything, losing arms/legs wouldn't faze him. Being facially disfigured wouldn't faze him. But as a very straight male, taking my female bits away and adding a p***s would. And no accident or disease could do that to me. That said, my boything is a lot more awesome than most people. Some people wouldn't be able to deal with such disfigurement or physical changes. And that'd suck. But the point remains that an accident/disease isn't comparable to a sex change.

If the OP's crush is a very straight male and likes lady bits, knowing what the OP wants to do might kill the attraction. It may not. It'd be great if it didn't. But he can't be faulted for it. Now if the crush decides to hate on the OP because of his choice, that he can be faulted for. If he ends the friendship over that, that he can be faulted for. But not for still having an attraction.

I fail at making good analogies unfortunately lol

I agree on the bolded points.  

[Pia Austin]

I'm bi so I understand a bit where you are coming from.