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 Posted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 6:58 pm
I'm a Pagan, and proud of it.
My issue?
Everyone in my family kinda hates me for it, among other things.
My father decided it would be hilarious if he mocked what I believed in. He laughs at me every time I say I'm a Witch, then makes fun of me for it. I've talked to him about it, and how much I really don't appreciate him doing that, but he just blows me off with the excuse 'This is my house, I can say and do what I want' and preceded to watch a program on the Witch trails.
Not to mention, today he called me fat just because I was having some chips and dip, then lectured me on how unhealthy I eat and how much I've gained weight. He says I don't look as good as my step sister does, and how I should start wearing make up, and start losing weight, ect.
I weigh 98 lbs. :/ Doesn't stop from making me feel absolutely terrible though.
On another note, I have this issue with my mother, whom is set on making me think I don't need counselling anymore.
Now I'm clinically depressed, and have attempted suicide three times before. Been in counselling for a little over three months now, and its not helping much.
She says, for every time I feel like terrible emotionally, to suck it up. Literally, she says 'Get over it already. Living in the past isn't going to help you!' often with the added statement 'God can help you'. I usually wouldn't have a problem with this, but she began to make fun of my beliefs, but in a more blunt way than my father does.
Counselling just isn't getting to where I want it to. It's just not helping me anymore.
Then there is this boy whom just can't take a hint. All he does is ask me out, and I tell you, my boyfriend just broke off an eleven and a half month relationship ( :[ ) and... I really don't want a relationship. I've told him this, as politely as I could manage (since he does it every week, along with following me every where I go), and all he says is 'oh okay', walks off, follows me, then asks me again the next day. This has been going on for about two weeks, both in and out of class.
Not only this, but at school, people threaten to hang me because I'm a Witch. They smirk and laugh and give me hell. The principle just gives me this political speech about how this could turn out to be a good thing for me, but there has been no change in the actual doings of my classmates. Even the teachers won't speak to me.
It feels like, just for the last two weeks, my life has taken a terrible turn. Everyone says that 'it will pass' or something like that, but I'm getting so tired of having to leave for school, be harassed or stalked, then coming home and being made fun of! Its just not funny anymore, and every day I just want to break down and quit. Granted, its kind of always been like this, but lately, it just keeps going. I can't go to the local park without getting glares or with a woman asking me why I wear a pentacle around my neck.
I'm just so tired of it. Everything I do seems to blow up in my face. I don't know where to turn anymore.
Any advice will be very much appreciated!
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Posted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 7:31 pm
 
Um well for starters you could stop saying you're a witch. I remember i had said it one time because I was so into the show Charmed and was wearing this handmade necklace that looked like an amulet and I had said I was a witch in front of my sister who said some sort of comment and looking back on it now, saying it out loud doesn't sound right really....
My mom and dad use to talk about my weight too. Telling me they were going to stop buying ice cream and then my dad tell me that my butt looked too big and talked about my tights whenever I wore shorts. But I have come to love my body because I like my curves and I don't give a damn what they because for starters I am their daughter not some random, single person on the streets. I mean who cares what they think. Due to their body preferences they think it is okay to tell me what part of my body is big? Um no, you two are ******** each other at night not me so don't worry about my body unless it is a health issue.
So i think hat once you actually start to love yourself and your body it won't matter what the think and for him to say that your step sister looks better kind of makes him come off as a ***** to me. Like what the ********? Oh your step sisters looks better than you. Do I even want to know what part of her body he is looking at? Pervert! scream
If counselling isn't helping you anymore then it shouldn't matter if your mom takes you out or not. You do sound a bit overly sensitive though. I mean telling someone to suck it up is a bit harsh but she does have a point that the past is the past so if you are holding onto something negative about the past then you should let it go or at least try to.
And I can relate to the god thing. My parents both have recently gotten back into church and my mom keeps saying oh you're an adult and we want you to go when you are ready but then she turns around and tells me that I need to and should go and blah blah know god's word and accept him to get into his kingdom and s**t. But at this point I just grin and bear her stupid talks. I don't go with her to church or bible study, but every now and then she will suck me into another lecture conversation and I just stand there with an obvious annoyed look on my face thinking when the hell can I go back to my room? Why did I even come in the kitchen for something? She's been talking about it for months and nothing has happened yet. She's too slow to get the hint but sooner or later.......probably later, she will get it.
So i think you should just grin and bear it and don't take what she says about your beliefs too seriously, everyone is entitled to their opinion and while they are blunt with theirs, there isn't much you can do about it. So just be like yeah okay whatever I get it, you don't like this belief I have but whatever b***h up yours!
Okay the boy thing at this point don't be scared to get mean because you have been nice about it and he is still being annoying and I know what that is like, my sister's ex tried that with me when we worked together and I just ended up ignoring him at work.
As for the witch thing, I can only assume if you have been openly saying at home that you are a witch then I guess you have openly said it at school too so um.......kind of keep your mouth shut about it? And go to the school board about it if the principal isn't even trying to do anything. Nothing good can come from this at all and he is ignoring that you are not only being bullied but also receiving death threats.
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Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2013 7:50 pm
Honestly? Everyone goes through different stages of their life in different ways and people make fun of what they don't understand. When people do not understand something their automatic reaction is to either make fun of what they don't know, get angry and say something harsh, or ignore it/you. That's their way of handling what they don't understand. It's kinda sad. It's amazing wandering into the unknown and discovering possibilities. I don't have any pagan friends to ask them my curiosities.
Your mother is right about getting over it and stop dwelling on the past, BUT but but you will get over it on YOUR own time. You will know you are "over it" when you stop reacting to whatever it is.
For those kids at school, sounds like bullying and it's should not be tolerated. I can't stand idiot kids. Is there a counselor you can talk to about this? Sounds like the principal is a $%&^*.
That boy, does he want to be friends or is he just following you around?
This is cliche but everyone is unique in their own ways. That's what makes this world such a challenging place.
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Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2013 8:18 pm
EDIT: Crap...didn't realise this was so long - so sorry. #.#
As a Gay Christian I can sort of relate to you being told to hang yourself/been threatened with hanging or other physical harm, and the clinical depression. I come from a small town, with an equally small mindset.
Basically I've come to the conclusion that it's best to just flick the haters the bird and not let them have control over what happiness you have in your identity. They are bullies - the kids who are threatening you, and should be stopped, but by the sounds of things, your principle and the teachers are useless. Start counting down the days till you can break out of HS and into the slightly more tolerant world of University, College or whatever it is you're aiming for.
Being proud or even open about your beliefs these days is like painting a target on your back and asking people to shoot at you. It's kind of counter productive from a world bent on change, but I guess that's the double standards we have to deal with. I say, ignore your Dad and your Mum when the criticise you - but still try and maintain your relationship, no matter how strained it is - with them. If I can maintain a semi stable but slightly strained relationship with my parents who are conservative Christians....(heck, conservative isn't even strong enough....) I think you can too. (That said I haven't told them about my partner yet...that could cause a shift in dynamics....) Even if it means not discussing your Pagan/Paganism/Philosophy (? sorry, as an ignorant, I really don't know what to call it without it sounding like I'm slandering you, I promise I'm not.) around them. What you believe is your business, it's your faith, your way of living, and as long as it's not physically or mentally harming you or them, then they have no right to interfere or tear you down.
That boy just needs you to be firm and blunt with him. Screw the politeness. If he's asking you out on a daily/weekly basis, tell him to GTFO. He's got an obsession, not a genuine caring interest in you and really sounds like he's the t**t that needs counselling. You deserve somebody who's interested in you FOR you, not the idea they've painted of you.
As for the struggle you're having with your depression - hun, hang in there, I'd like to say it gets better, but right now I'm battling it too. I just think I have an obligation to stick around and see how things pan out rather than giving up. Cause I've seen three friends, near and dear to me, from differing walks of life, give up and give in - and it's the most selfish and horrible thing I've ever had to deal with. Living in the past doesn't help, but it doesn't sound like it's the past that's bothering you - it sounds like it's the now. The now may be balls, but the future could pan out all-right - lets stick around and see how it does yeah?
As for your Dad getting on your back about your weight/unhealthy eating....if I had a penny for every time I've been called lazy and fat by my parents..well, I wouldn't need their financial support for Uni. I'm just 5ft, and I weigh about 75kg's at the moment. I am over weight - I don't think you are. I'm normally a bit of a ninja when it comes to snack eating, perhaps you should join me in ninja-ness? I also took to going for walks - do you have a dog or something you can use as an excuse to go and get outside? Depending on your particular branch of paganism, you could see it as a chance to go and commune and appreciate nature...even if it doesn't relate to that, it's still a good excuse - cause nature, even in cities, is fricken awesome.
As for make up, beauty is relative. I personally think people without it are more beautiful. It's natural, and to me, the natural is amazing. So don't beat yourself up about what your Dad says - because at the end of the day, he's no the one you're trying to impress in terms of looks.
I want to say that this phase will pass, but then - who knows. And you won't know if you break down. Just...idk, hang in there, my Inbox is always open - I promise I won't bible bash around you, even though our faiths both clash traditionally - it doesn't mean that we have too. I'd be interested in learning about your faith. And I mean, if you don't mind talking to a total stranger, I wouldn't mind being there as a mate(kiwi slang for friend...not something else) for you. I'd rather you vent to somebody, than hurt yourself. Because lets be honest, at the end of the day, we're really the only people who can be trusted to be kind to ourselves.
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Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2013 8:53 pm
Ok. To be honest, I get most of these comments from my neighbors and my family.. My whole family is Pagan (not my father's side though so that's where all the hate comes from) so we have no "hate" per say. But because of money issues, I had to leave home school and we tried other schools. The wouldn't take me, so now I have to redo my ninth grade year ( emotion_bigvein aint very happy.....) and on the top side, I'm a manic bipolar or something. I wasn't paying attention..... >->
But anyway, those three things where topped onto me, so I'm being harassed because I'm pagan (not just that I'm pagan, but because I'm 109 lbs, and I'm bisexual) by people who don't actually know me! It made me even more stressed and pissed. So I went into therapy to see if anything would happen. Nothing. Those ******** are useless. I walked in there ready to kill some bitches, and the man told me what I would like to talk about. I told him about my religion and my sexuality. My family problem and my father problem. Then about the car crash I was in. But the second I told him about my religion and sexuality, the ******** judged me to. I was ready to strangle him!
Basically when I was in 8th grade, I just moved and everyone, I mean everyone, judged me about the way I looked, smelled, wore, talked, did my work, my interest, my music choice, everything. The minute I walk into the room words would dribble out of there mouths about me. It's the kind of thing you don't want right? Anyway, I was sick of it one day, so I looked at them and basically said "******** you! Come at me bro!" and then the war started. I joined cheer leading and thats when they figured out about my sexuality. Then they started saying I was sexually harassing them, and touching them in a wrong way. stare I tied the other cheer leaders up, and let someone else have their fun. No one said anything, And that was that. I would throw the quarterback, and take down the wrestling champion when I was pissed to the point of killing someone, and or myself.
But back onto the subject, the only hate I've been getting is from my father's side of the family, and my neighbors. They keep saying that I would be hung, or I would be stuck watching the witch trials at a very young age. And because of this my mother hasn't taught me as much as most pagans would know of right now. The worst part is that some of my friends that I made wont talk to me because their family wont let them. They will talk to me though, and they usually sneak out to hang with me, and they would say they would go to someone else's house (god I love my friends xD) But anyway, thats what's happened with me.
(I think I left out somethings thought o-o sorry if I did)
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Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2013 9:15 pm
First of all, I know this kinda sounds lame, but hang in there, because really you sound like an amazing and strong person for all the things you have and are currently going through. I feel like I can sympathize with the more personal family issues (family members constantly taking digs at you and such), though for me it's mostly a weight thing, and for the longest time I was kept very sheltered and literally was not allowe to do anything. Anyway, there's a reason I don't live with my mother. That being said, I've only recently started learning to like myself, and stop all forms of self-harming. I mean it's only been a few months, and I know how easy it is to slip back into the darkness, but it feels so good to be free. My advice is to try and get away from it. Work towards moving out as soon as you can, maybe find friends that support you when your family won't (because I know that would have helped me a lot sooner). Also, I know one of the other ladies above mentioned that a lot of it has to do with people not liking things that they don't understand, and unfortunately this holds a lot of truth. It's hard sometimes, when you're on the receiving end of it, to just take it all in stride and know that there is t really much you can do in the current situation. I don't know what else to say without making this post too long and going off on confusing tangents, but if you ever just want to let off some steam about anything you can pm me. Also, I think you should try to push to keep the counseling, even if your mom doesn't think you need it, because letting your feelings out and actually talking to someone does help. I never had the opportunity to have professional help, but I've always kept a journal and had a friend who was willing to listen.
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