I don't know what to do.

[Masamune Breaker]

It takes approximately two hours of crying before you start feeling physically sick. The headaches haven't set in yet, though. I dread the headaches. They'll last for the rest of the night.

I tried looking for another guild to go to, but I don't know what to say in them, people will just act the same way they did here. One of them was private and had the old "This guild is slowly dying..." topic so I don't think it matters if they accept my request. There weren't that many that accepted tranny people.

I hate myself.

I'm thinking about ditching this account and just going back to being a gay guy online and not telling anyone otherwise. It's not working. I was expecting to be proven wrong, or something, that what I thought about people isn't true and so on, there's always still hope and blah blah I just have to go try to meet people and give them a chance. But I only get told the same things over and over, "You'll find somebody someday : D Not me, though, of course." or "No, I know people who would date someone like you : D Not me, though, of course."

Wherever these magical people are, I'm never going to meet them. I don't believe they exist.

I don't want to live in a world like this.

I'm tired of being some disgusting thing no one wants to be around.

I'm tired of not belonging anywhere.

I'm tried of people telling me, in the nicest way possible, "You're right, you're gross, I wouldn't want to be with you either, but I'm sure somebody out there would cuz there's all kinds of weirdos around. If people will sleep with sheep, I'm sure someone will sleep with you. It's only logic."

No, the sheep are a step above me because there's boy sheep and girl sheep and you pick which one you like best. If anyone had a tranny sheep in their farm, I bet you that sheep wouldn't get any action.

I can't deal with this anymore.
 

[Chris ex Machina]

Masamune-kun. I mean this in a not mean way, but I think a little bit of that is paranoia. We've accepted you here. A whole bunch of people have talked to you, gotten to know you some, have been willing to be friends with you. What's disgusting is those who have been horrible to you, not you yourself. Let yourself just be you, just stop giving a damn whatever people think about you. "You think anybody has the right to tell you what you are? Hell no! I always hate to say this, but running away won't solve anything. Stop comparing yourself and let loose!" I just quoted a trangender friend of mine. She's in a man's body with the mind of a homosexual girl. Still no surgery, and she's in a relationship with someone who sees her as as a girl. I know it may seem like we're "humoring" you, but if someone isn't the same as you, outside examples are how we try to help.  

[tiedyedtrash]

Well, to be honest I think I just got emotionally attached to you. I am 5 years or more younger, though so I don't mean it like that.  

[Taeryyn]

I feel like I'm missing something.

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I tried looking for another guild to go to, but I don't know what to say in them, people will just act the same way they did here

I'm confused. How exactly have the people here acted?
From what I've seen, a number of people have chatted with you, several of them at great length.

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I was expecting to be proven wrong, or something, that what I thought about people isn't true and so on, there's always still hope and blah blah I just have to go try to meet people and give them a chance. But I only get told the same things over and over, "You'll find somebody someday : D Not me, though, of course." or "No, I know people who would date someone like you : D Not me, though, of course."

Forgive me, but I'm having trouble understanding what exactly it is that you're looking for here.
It's true that not everyone is attracted to trans guys or girls (and it's worth noting that their lack of attraction doesn't mean that they're bad people; you can't help who you're attracted to.) but if the poll in your other thread is any indication, it's obviously not an issue for a lot of people.

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I'm tired of being some disgusting thing no one wants to be around.

I'm tired of not belonging anywhere.

I'm tried of people telling me, in the nicest way possible, "You're right, you're gross, I wouldn't want to be with you either, but I'm sure somebody out there would cuz there's all kinds of weirdos around. If people will sleep with sheep, I'm sure someone will sleep with you. It's only logic."

Who is saying this, exactly? People here, or people you encounter in real life?


As we discussed in your other thread, it's understandable that you feel distrustful of others, given your experiences. That said, in order for us to help, I think we'd need to better understand what exactly it is that you want from us.
You insist over and over that nobody likes you, or that everyone's disgusted by you, even when given evidence to the contrary. Believe me, I want to help, and I want you to feel welcome here, but at this point, I don't know what else to say or do. sweatdrop  

[Crazy_Evil_Mother7]

I don't think I ever got to know you sad but I do have two friend who are girls stuck in a guys body and I have been trying to help them out the best I can. And get that you'll find someone better so much it just pisses me off when I hear someone say it to me.  

[Raeiko]

I'm gonna go ahead and quote RuPaul here
"If you don't love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love anyone else." all that matters is that you accept yourself and one day you will find someone that accepts and loves you  

[Masamune Breaker]

Taeryyn

I'm confused. How exactly have the people here acted?
From what I've seen, a number of people have chatted with you, several of them at great length.

Several people said hi, but only two people actually continued talking to me, and one of them apparently thought I was a weirdo because I didn't know how to have a proper conversation, and the other told me that he'd never go out with me because of what I am and then started being all really nice and likeable and half-flirting and I can't deal with that. Don't tell me you're not attracted to me only because I'm not a real guy and then start being all friendly and whatever like you might change your mind or something. Most of the replies in the thread are all from that person and it's just too hard to like somebody who keeps implying how nice you'd get along together when it's all pointless because you're not real. Everybody other than those two people only said hi and welcome and that was it.

I don't know what I want. I think all I want is just to die and have it over with. I wish I was dead. I feel like everyone else thinks so too.

And I know people lied when they voted in that thread. I didn't bother looking at the results after the first two votes I saw, which I suppose were the first two people who replied, who apparently voted "Yeah I would" and then when being completely honest said "Well to be honest, no I wouldn't..." People only put that to be nice and make me feel better or something.

I think what I wanted when I came here was a bunch of people to be all "That's completely normal, it's no big deal, we don't care" and all that, but instead it feels like people don't feel that way but just don't want to say so because they want to be nice.

I wanted somebody to listen to me or something. Everyone just says "I don't know what to say." Because there's nothing to say, there's nothing to do, there is no hope, period. Everybody wants to be nice but you can't be nice about something that has no future or purpose or just nothing, there's nothing.

I went and found a tranny support thing like I was nicely told to do and nobody knew what to say there either. I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know how to say what I mean. I'm tired of everything. I'm just tired. I hate this. I hate myself. I hate everything.

I'm tired of gay people getting picked on by straight people, and then they all get together and accept each other and then do the exact same thing to trans people. I just hate everything! I'm tired.

I don't want to deal with it.

I tried to talk to somebody and believe the "Not everyone is like that" crap and try to find someplace to be accepted but I'm never really accepted. I'm a freak.

I just want to throw my computer across the room right now. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Everything everyone says is honest and hurtful and makes me feel like s**t. People don't mean the nice stuff they say, they're just saying it to be nice and make me feel better but they don't really care and don't really mean it. People are only honest when they're admitting that I'm nasty and something they would never date, something nobody would ever date. People can't help it that they're not attracted to freaks. If you love somebody, you can't ask them to give up what they're attracted to and date something ugly like you. I used to be asexual and never care and it was nice and I despise feeling lonely and wanting to be with somebody because it's never going t happen. Ever. Never, ever ever ever ever only real guys get boyfriends, the end.

It doesn't matter, everything I say here comes out stupid and there's nothing to say back to me and it was just a waste of time coming here, I shouldn't have come. There's no answer. Life is stupid, the end.
 

[Meliodis]

Masamune Breaker

Several people said hi, but only two people actually continued talking to me, and one of them apparently thought I was a weirdo because I didn't know how to have a proper conversation, and the other told me that he'd never go out with me because of what I am and then started being all really nice and likeable and half-flirting and I can't deal with that. Don't tell me you're not attracted to me only because I'm not a real guy and then start being all friendly and whatever like you might change your mind or something. Most of the replies in the thread are all from that person and it's just too hard to like somebody who keeps implying how nice you'd get along together when it's all pointless because you're not real. Everybody other than those two people only said hi and welcome and that was it.

If you haven't already noticed, people have preferences when it comes to dating. For example, a straight man wouldn't go out with a gay man since one doesn't "swing that way". The same is applicable to those that are transgender; however, there are also individuals that are more open-minded in that respect. Furthermore, not everyone is going to find one individual in particular to be attractive. That doesn't mean that they aren't beautiful.

In regard to the person that spoke to you, it seems as though all they sought was your friendship. Is that so wrong? Not everyone has to be a potential mate.
We are real people; but, we don't exist in your world. If you're seeking something more, you could always try a dating site.

Masamune Breaker

And I know people lied when they voted in that thread. I didn't bother looking at the results after the first two votes I saw, which I suppose were the first two people who replied, who apparently voted "Yeah I would" and then when being completely honest said "Well to be honest, no I wouldn't..." People only put that to be nice and make me feel better or something.

I think what I wanted when I came here was a bunch of people to be all "That's completely normal, it's no big deal, we don't care" and all that, but instead it feels like people don't feel that way but just don't want to say so because they want to be nice.

How exactly do you know? Honestly, you can't assume that. Some people may only vote in a poll, whereas others may ignore the poll entirely and simply post. Lets make this clear, acceptance does not equal sexual attraction. Most people would agree that there is nothing wrong with being transgender. However, being sexually attracted to someone is something that is COMPLETELY different.

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I wanted somebody to listen to me or something. Everyone just says "I don't know what to say." Because there's nothing to say, there's nothing to do, there is no hope, period. Everybody wants to be nice but you can't be nice about something that has no future or purpose or just nothing, there's nothing.

I went and found a tranny support thing like I was nicely told to do and nobody knew what to say there either. I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know how to say what I mean. I'm tired of everything. I'm just tired. I hate this. I hate myself. I hate everything.

I tried to talk to somebody and believe the "Not everyone is like that" crap and try to find someplace to be accepted but I'm never really accepted. I'm a freak.

I just want to throw my computer across the room right now. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Everything everyone says is honest and hurtful and makes me feel like s**t. People don't mean the nice stuff they say, they're just saying it to be nice and make me feel better but they don't really care and don't really mean it. People are only honest when they're admitting that I'm nasty and something they would never date, something nobody would ever date. People can't help it that they're not attracted to freaks. If you love somebody, you can't ask them to give up what they're attracted to and date something ugly like you. I used to be asexual and never care and it was nice and I despise feeling lonely and wanting to be with somebody because it's never going t happen. Ever. Never, ever ever ever ever only real guys get boyfriends, the end.

Well, we're listening to you, aren't we? We are responding to your posts. We are being honest with you--but you are seeking those that do not accept you to fuel your self-hatred. We do accept you for who you are, but you'll never realize that unless you accept yourself.

If you decide that you're never going to find anyone, then it may never happen. You can't lose hope, but it isn't something you can force, either.  

[Taeryyn]

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Several people said hi, but only two people actually continued talking to me, and one of them apparently thought I was a weirdo because I didn't know how to have a proper conversation, and the other told me that he'd never go out with me because of what I am and then started being all really nice and likeable and half-flirting and I can't deal with that. Don't tell me you're not attracted to me only because I'm not a real guy and then start being all friendly and whatever like you might change your mind or something.

You complain that not many people talked to you, then turn around and in the next breath complain about someone who did make an effort to converse with you, because this person continued to be friendly after admitting they weren't attracted to you.

Being that this person can't just magically make themselves attracted to you (and shouldn't HAVE to), I'm not sure what exactly he could have done in that situation that would have been satisfactory to you.

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Most of the replies in the thread are all from that person and it's just too hard to like somebody who keeps implying how nice you'd get along together when it's all pointless because you're not real. Everybody other than those two people only said hi and welcome and that was it.

You're acting as if you were treated worse or differently than anyone else who joins the guild, and this simply isn't the case.

I accept probably 2-7 join requests per day.
Typically what happens is that the Gaian introduces themselves in our sticky, makes a post or two, or maybe makes an introduction thread in the Off-Topic forum. They get a few greetings, and their intro thread (if they made one) usually dies after a handful of replies. Some of them stick around, post in threads here and there, maybe get to know the other guild members through their interactions in the discussion threads.

That's how people here generally get to know one another here. They don't just show up and get showered with attention and undying affection right off the bat; in order to meet people and make friends, you have to interact with them over time.

When the vast majority of your post history here consists of you insisting that everyone dislikes you and that you'll be forever alone, can you see why others might not be sure how to approach you? Again, it doesn't mean that we don't want you here, but considering how you've responded to the people who have talked to you, it's not hard to understand why the average user isn't going to feel equipped to deal with you.

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I don't know what I want. I think all I want is just to die and have it over with. I wish I was dead. I feel like everyone else thinks so too.

Having struggled with feelings like that myself, my heart goes out to you. I wouldn't wish those thoughts on anyone. I do not even remotely believe that anyone here wishes you were dead; I certainly don't.

I would strongly encourage you to talk to someone about these thoughts, about wanting to die. If you'd like help tracking down help-lines or resources in your area, I would be happy to see what I can find for you.

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And I know people lied when they voted in that thread. I didn't bother looking at the results after the first two votes I saw, which I suppose were the first two people who replied, who apparently voted "Yeah I would" and then when being completely honest said "Well to be honest, no I wouldn't..." People only put that to be nice and make me feel better or something.

Simply put, no, you don't know that. Anonymity does not make people want to be kind; quite the opposite. Go have a look at the comments on Youtube, if you want proof.

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I think what I wanted when I came here was a bunch of people to be all "That's completely normal, it's no big deal, we don't care" and all that, but instead it feels like people don't feel that way but just don't want to say so because they want to be nice.

In that case, there is no way for us to respond that isn't going to upset you.
You say that you want us to tell you that you're normal and that we don't care that you're trans. When we do, you tell us we're lying.

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I wanted somebody to listen to me or something. Everyone just says "I don't know what to say." Because there's nothing to say, there's nothing to do, there is no hope, period. Everybody wants to be nice but you can't be nice about something that has no future or purpose or just nothing, there's nothing.

Of course they don't know what to say. Most of the people here are teenagers or young adults, and many of them are struggling with their own heavy issues. Expecting them to be equipped to tackle your painful life issues isn't reasonable.

I certainly don't know what to say, either, and that has absolutely nothing to do with your future or your purpose.

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I'm tired of gay people getting picked on by straight people, and then they all get together and accept each other and then do the exact same thing to trans people. I just hate everything! I'm tired.

You know, repeatedly implying that we're all transphobic bigots is insulting.

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I went and found a tranny support thing like I was nicely told to do and nobody knew what to say there either. I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know how to say what I mean. I'm tired of everything. I'm just tired. I hate this. I hate myself. I hate everything.

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I don't want to deal with it.

I tried to talk to somebody and believe the "Not everyone is like that" crap and try to find someplace to be accepted but I'm never really accepted. I'm a freak.

I just want to throw my computer across the room right now. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Everything everyone says is honest and hurtful and makes me feel like s**t. People don't mean the nice stuff they say, they're just saying it to be nice and make me feel better but they don't really care and don't really mean it. People are only honest when they're admitting that I'm nasty and something they would never date, something nobody would ever date. People can't help it that they're not attracted to freaks. If you love somebody, you can't ask them to give up what they're attracted to and date something ugly like you. I used to be asexual and never care and it was nice and I despise feeling lonely and wanting to be with somebody because it's never going t happen. Ever. Never, ever ever ever ever only real guys get boyfriends, the end.

It doesn't matter, everything I say here comes out stupid and there's nothing to say back to me and it was just a waste of time coming here, I shouldn't have come. There's no answer. Life is stupid, the end.

I can relate to a lot of what you're feeling, especially feeling tired of dealing with everything, and feeling that nothing is ever going to change for the better.

But you need to stop projecting your self-hatred onto everyone who tries to talk to you. While I have no doubt that things seem bleak, you need to realize that your depression and self-loathing are affecting your perception of others. There's a distortion between what we're saying and what you're hearing. You automatically assume that everyone thinks the worst of you, no matter what we say.

I would strongly encourage you to seek help with the feelings you've been having. I don't think anyone here is properly equipped to help you feel better; I'm certainly not, anyway. If anything, we seem to be doing more harm than anything else, since you've only gotten more and more distressed as people have continued to talk to you. sad I have no doubt that you're going to read into this as "go away", regardless of what I say, but I will reiterate again: you aren't unwanted here.  

[Shanna66]

if i may be a bit blunt?

when someone is always talking about how everyone hates them i assume they want to be a victem no matter how people are treating them. the people ive met in this guild are the least transphobic and the most accepting ive ever gotten to meet, and yet you complain that they are transphobic and fake. things like that make me not want to talk to you or get to know you since im already seeing that you are judgemental of people around you. i dont want to be friends with someone who always assumes the worst of me.

if the mods or anyone think that my post is too hurtful feel free to pm me or just delete it. im not trying to be rude at all, i just cant think of a polite way to say this and i want to be perfeclty onest with you

also, just have to put this out there, no one is obligated to be attracted to you in a sexual way. you can be nice to someone and not want to date them  

[XrosHeartless]

Now you're starting to sound like me.