im starting to feel like i am alone, even tho im not...

[zoeypie101]

ok, first i should give a little info, unlike my avi im male, and im Gay like my username's joke hints about. I also live in the town Bellingham Washington. oh, and names Dane if anyone cares


I recently came out to my parents, family and all my friends over this past month. I am also apart of one of my local schools gay straight alliance witch has around 60 or so members, (not sure the exact number) Inside my gay straight alliance group out of all the members only 6 (exactly 6) of them are male including me, one bi, one gay (me), one a straight Allie, and the rest are I'm gonna be honest and say i don't think are attracted to men. I really enjoy being apart of the group but I feel a little alone being the only gay male member. one of my friends is apart of the other high-school and he said most of the members are female too, and from what i have heard our local gay bar (never actually been there cause I'm not really into the bar scene) has mostly lesbians, FTM and straight men. our gay pride parade's in town also is mostly lesbians and trans people. there are no straight up gay people (no pun intended) witch is making me pretty lonely. Any advice on something I could do to help with this loneliness?


also feel free to correct me if I made any mistakes or used wrong terms, ect... (i really hate offending people)  

[LatrevoMeu]

Is it that your looking for more of a larger group of gay men period because you want to find a partner? Or is it just the fact that there is only one like you? smile either way I say at least you have an amazing support system it sounds like if you ever needed one. I noticed too with my high school gsa (gay-straight-alliance) groups they were mostly female. fortunately in college there were many more men wink I understand a bit of your maybe "frustrations" with that as well. I say don't focus too much on the fact that there is one person like yourself. Because i am sure you are an amazing individual! It can feel lonely sometimes, but it shouldnt be your focus. It'll only tare you down y'know? Make you feel less special than you actually are! Im sure sometime soon you will meet someone wink If your looking for someone you could always put yourself out there more in the world and try to meet some people, instead of looking at the numbers of individuals try looking at all the awesome people that ARE there...and maybe when your not paying attention, someone just might catch your attention. smile (just my little babble) Hope it at least made you feel a little better about the situation) there isnt a need to focus on something that makes you less happy. Find something that DOES make you smile regardless biggrin <3 Luvs  

[Keakealani]

Well, keep in mind that high school is hardly the end of your social career. To be honest, I'm jealous that your school even had that many people in its GSA - I wasn't very active in my high school's GSA (they were a bunch of biphobic douchebags so I didn't stick around XD) but I don't think I ever saw more than a dozen people; and this is a school with a high school population of over 1600 students. And while there are obviously certain ways that you can relate best to people of a similar gender and sexual orientation, keep in mind that you can still learn a lot from and relate a lot to lesbians, bisexual people, or other members of your GSA. So try to make the best of it, even if it doesn't feel ideal for you.

It may be a matter of age - there is a lot more social pressure for many boys to stay in the closet because of perceived superiority of "masculinity" that conflicts with a non-heterosexual orientation. I know that most of my male, non-straight peers seemed to mostly come out in college or later. And a number of women, too. Frankly, when you're a teenager you're only just beginning to understand your own sexuality, and for many people it can be confusing or very fluid to the point where a strict orientation might not work for them yet. Many people "grow into" their orientations as they get older.

Which brings me to my earlier point - high school (or even college!) isn't the end of your social life! You may not feel like there are many people to relate to (or date) right now, but your world will open up as you get older. If your town's gay scene isn't quite right for you, consider making a move, at least temporarily, as you break out into adulthood. You can always return home later, but it's worth it to experience another area anyway, even if you end up hating it.

If the problem is not finding potential partners, consider looking into online dating. It doesn't have to be sleazy or creepy - there are a TON of people who get involved in online dating scenes just because they have life situations that prevent them from being as successful in person - like your problem of gay bars that cater primarily to lesbians. At the very least, it can help you break out and get to know some other people in similar situations.

If it's just for friends or support - remember that there are lots of communities on the internet. There's this guild, of course, and others. There are also many other communities online that are dedicated to different kinds of support and camaraderie. I'm sure you can find places where you can share your experiences, even if it's not a RL situation.

So, not to diminish your woes, try not to sweat it too much, okay? It might feel really bleak and terrible right now, but you'll find your own way. It might just take a little bit of experimenting and creativity.  

[zoeypie101]

SatinStarlitKnight

Keakealani

to make you more delouse, my GSA leader is against bi-phobicness, she would rather that if your bi-phobic that you do not join the GSA group, also not everyone shows up everyday, some can only make it on certain days and others make it every day.

and well, its both because I want a boyfriend, and that i would like to have more friends like me outside the internet. I know I currently have accepting friends, but none of them really know what its like being gay because none of them are. (and BTW, I meant to say that I am the only gay person in my GSA group). I'm also afraid that when I get serious in the dating scene, there might not be a possibility for me to find a boyfriend. I could move but I don't want to, I'm happy in my town with a little to many benefits that would be lost if I moved. when it comes to age that may be right, I'm 21 and only realized I'm gay about 6 months ago. the men in the GSA are much older then the females too (even tho only one is bi, the rest I think are straight I still keep that remark), next year I'm moving on to the GSA group's in the local collage's and hopefully that will help, but still in the mean time IDK.

i hate to sound like a pessimistic but I'm kinda not a supporter of online dating, I don't hate it, but I just have no desire to try it.  

[Keakealani]

G-irls A-re Y-ucky

I mean, if it is a big deal to you that your current area/community is not really right for you, it might be something you should consider. But, of course, there are a lot of different factors to think about, so it's just one to consider.

And as far as online dating... I mean, it's not for everyone, but I would encourage you to give it a shot. I honestly think it's really different than a lot of people make it out to be. OKCupid is a free site that is pretty good from what I recall; haven't used it recently but I've heard of many people who have had success there. At the very least, maybe you'll find some interesting friends to chat with?  

[zoeypie101]

Keakealani

I have seriously considered moving to San Francisco with my best friend (who is female) as per her request to be her room mate, but idk, that's very far from Washington state.
Also I'll checkout OKCupid since it can be used for friends, but may if I change my mind use it for finding a boyfriend in the future. Thanks

EDIT: I would like to add that after looking at OKCupid, I'm surprised at how many people live in my town that are gay. i feel way less lonely now  

[Keakealani]

G-irls A-re Y-ucky

And believe me, I recently moved from Hawaii to Texas, so I can really relate with the idea of not wanting to move far away from your home/comfort level. I think if you are happy where you are, don't make it a big priority, but if the opportunity presents itself, you may find that you can adjust to somewhere new and feel good about it. It's just a matter of thinking outside the box.

And yeah. Actually I think a lot of people just use OKCupid to meet friends or hang out with someone, it doesn't necessarily have to be serious dating or anything. I'm glad you're willing to give it a try. Can't know for sure if it will or won't work, but it's definitely another option.

But I am glad it's showed you something about the makeup of your community. Perhaps, even if none of the guys you saw there are good matches for you, they can give you the scoops about some bars or hangouts that gay guys tend to go to, that maybe you haven't tried yet. Again, it's worth it to think outside the box. smile

It's tough. It's definitely harder for LGBT people to find partners that work for us, because we are surrounded by primarily cis/het people. Outside of a few neighborhoods in big cities like SF, you can't really assume that people would be open to your advances outside of LGBT-friendly spaces. But, it's important not to assume "straight until proven guilty", either. Sometimes you will be surprised by the number of people who maybe just aren't as open with their orientation on a day-to-day basis.  

[NocturneKefka666]

dude i'm an ally,also i'm against biphobia and transphobia as well!!!  

[sachcell]

Similar story here. I go to a tiny girls' school and as far as I know there's only one other girl who's into girls. She's been my friend for years but I don't really want to be with her in that way.

So lonely bruv emotion_facepalm