Normal Family Behaviour?

[CheyenneServant]

I'm 17, have 9 older siblings and my father who do not like me. I have one brother who hasn't spoken to/seen me in 7 years and unfriended me on facebook out of the blue. They don't give me much attention, they go several months at a time without speaking to or seeing me. Is this normal behaviour? They know I don't get out much and have a very limited social life ( no friends). Is this unfair? Should I complain? They are all much older than I am and live away from me. But they never really talk to me. Now that I'm 17 I am really noticing this. I don't know why they have distanced themselves from me.  

[real eyes realize]

For future reference, don't worry about whether something is "normal" or not; question whether it's in accord with God's will / in agreement with his wishes for us as his creations. Since we don't know the history behind your family and your situation, aside from the bit you've told us, we can only address this using hypothetical scenarios:

• If your siblings have moved out and started families of their own, naturally they don't have time for the household they left behind. It is God's will that a man leave his parent's household when starting a new one with his wife (Genesis 2:24); that's fine.
  
  
• Assuming they have moved away and they live at a long distance away from you, it would be understandable if they scarcely visit; but, if they live next door and ignore you, despite seeing you, then that would be wrong, ungodly and un-Christ-like (you should correct them so they repent, assuming that they're also believers).
  
  
• But, if they're not believers in the first place, don't expect them to care about the well-being of others, not even of those within their own family. It's possible for worldly people to act with concern for family, but there's no motivation for a non-believer to do so. That same kind of self-less love Christ indwells us with may not be in them.

That said, depending on biological family more than fellow believers (spiritual family), or more than nearby neighbors, isn't what God encourages.

Jesus, for example, though he never disrespected Mary, downplayed her importance as his earthly/biological mother (Matthew 12:46-50); anyone who does our Heavenly Father's will is family, his mother, brother, and sister, according to him. That's the family you should be concerned about. Are fellow believers ignoring you? If so, they need to repent. When "worldly" members of your biological family don't treat you right, it's to be expected: the world hated Jesus, so they'll hate you (John 15:18 ). Why? because they live for the desires of this world (material wealth, prestige, fame, earthly survival) and the desires of their flesh instead of what pleases the spirit (peace, joy, self-control, righteousness, etc...). The kind of person who finds joy in self-control and the righteousness of God, will be hated by the kind of people who find joy in pursuing every carnal craving.

Biological family isn't that important in the grand scheme of things, though it would be nice if they all repented; in that way, the relationship would be mutually-edifying, not just one-sided on the believers' part. Despite how they treat you, however, do what's right in the eyes of God (help them when they're in need, encourage them to do the right thing instead of criminal activity, encourage them to forgive others, to make decisions that lead to mutual peace, etc...):

Quote:

Proverbs 27:10 (NIV)

10 Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family,
and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you—
better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away.

Quote:

Matthew 12:46-50 (NIV)

46 While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. 47 Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”

48 He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

 

[Aquatic_blue]

It depends on the situations that go on in the inside of your family. Is there a specific reason you and your father don't get along? Is there anything both of you could have done to upset each other? Has this issue been talked out between you and your father in a fair, respectable manner without arguing? I know not everyone in life will get along with one or both of their parents, and if you're 17 - you can move out once you turn 18 unless you have been emancipated.

If you have a brother that hasn't spoken to you or seen you in many years - is there possible reasons for that? Is there something you have done that would've truly upset or offended your brother? Is there a reason he would not talk to you? Is your brother married? If this is the case, he would definitely be busy - trying to support his spouse and if he has kids then that will take even more of his time because he needs to spend time with his kids and make sure he is making enough money to support his family. Even if he has only his spouse and no children, it does take effort to support his family even if his spouse does work. Married couples have to keep their lives in check, too - make sure they fulfill their responsibilities as adults and a married couple. If any of your siblings are newly weds, it can be a big transition to living a life on their own to being together with a spouse and fixing up the living space, up keeping wherever they may be living, and maintaining a healthy relationship. You said your brother unfriended you on Facebook. Perhaps he deleted his Facebook because he didn't have the time? Sometimes family can feel like they grow apart because they start lives of their own outside of where they grew up.

You say that you have a limited social life because you don't have friends. This can be part of the issue as well in the sense that you would dwell more on family issues because you don't have a person you can talk to and have too much time to yourself to think on things can can grow to trouble you more and more as the days go by. It may or may not be your fault for what goes on and why the family relationships aren't strong - I'm not able to determine that because I don't know what those are. Friends are an important part of life and if your social life is limited you should get out and make some friends - meet new people. If you don't want to meet people, perhaps go out at least to take a walk or sit outside on a nice day. Also, there are plenty other things to distract our minds from things that we dwell on too much such as working at a job or finding a new hobby, or continuing an old hobby that we can include God in on. When I'm going through a time where I am "bored" and "need something to do" - there's no better idea than reading God's word.

Most of all - pray about the situation and what concerns you to God because he listens to everyone's problems and He can help. Make God the center of your life and your main focus. If you make God the center of your life (that is, if you haven't already or are struggling to do so), it can make a huge difference in your life.  

[911child]

I would say that its not exactly what God wants. He wants us to love and forgive one another, but people's egos and pride get in the way of that. I am 21 and i have 1 full blood brother who is younger then me that i hardly talk to and 5 half siblings, one being older than me that i hardly talk to. I dont really talk to my mother and i talk to my father occasionally. When a family fully trusts and does what God asks, they tend to be more active in one anothers life. But when barriers and pride gets in our way, we force all those who do not think as we away. I would suggest to try to make an effort to connecting to your distant relatives, send them messages any way you can and let them know your there for them.  

[I am 4 Angry birds]

Hey. I would just like to put my two cents in here. For the record, me and my sister don't always get along. We have a lot of disagreements, not because we don't love each other, but we see each other maybe a little too often. I seem to be the more innocent older sister, while she has experienced more of the worldly side of things. I don't exactly care for all the things she gets herself into, because I know it's wrong. But I keep praying for her. This may be what your brother is going through right now. He is seeing your innocence and trying to avoid you getting hurt. It's not always because he doesn't love you, it's because he's trying to cover up his own personal sin, and doesn't want to be found out. Just be careful, and pray for him. Prayer is always the the best answer to all things, because God is always talking back, even if we don't know it. You may not have a earthly family that is speaking to you, but your spiritual family is speaking volumes.  

[Servant Reborn]

I can relate to that. My younger sister ditched her account on facebook, made a new one, and blocked me on that because she says I annoy her. She posts a lot of what I find to be questionable material, and she calls herself a Christian. Even though I wronged her in the past, and asked her to forgive, she does not want me looking at her posts on facebook.

I try to call her, but she never wants to pick up. When I meet her, she never wants to talk. I ask her questions because I am interested in HER, but she doesn't like to answer questions. Naturally, I have a lot of questions because she never talks to me. Therefore, I want to know about her day, how she feels, and so forth. Sadly, she only likes to talk to her friends. Still, I try not to let it get to me. The Bible says:

Micah 7:5-7

5 Do not trust in a friend;
Do not put your confidence in a companion;
Guard the doors of your mouth
From her who lies in your bosom.
6 For son dishonors father,
Daughter rises against her mother,
Daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;
A man’s enemies are the men of his own household.
7 Therefore I will look to the Lord;
I will wait for the God of my salvation;
My God will hear me.

The only being who we can fully trust is God Almighty. Yes, it would be nice if we could be close and everyone was great, but life is not like that. We can only pray and trust God with that, and whatever other problems will arise.  

[CheyenneServant]

I'm 17, have no friends because I spend my time taking care of my ill mother. My siblings have children of their own. But when I mention to them that I have no friends, and tell them that I see they don't talk to me, my siblings don't say anything, they change the subject. Odd? My brother who unfriended me on facebook, still uses his account and talks to my other siblings.
I know I shouldn't complain, but my family members (father left us, and ignores me) try to avoid me. No contact between us. They know I'm lonely.  

[real eyes realize]

Jesuslittleprincess

I'm 17, have no friends because I spend my time taking care of my ill mother. My siblings have children of their own. But when I mention to them that I have no friends, and tell them that I see they don't talk to me, my siblings don't say anything, they change the subject. Odd? My brother who unfriended me on facebook, still uses his account and talks to my other siblings.
I know I shouldn't complain, but my family members (father left us, and ignores me) try to avoid me. No contact between us. They know I'm lonely.

Perhaps it's not you they're trying to avoid, but your mother; they may want to distance themselves from partaking in any of the responsibility that goes into caring for her. Hence why they change the subject when you bring up your loneliness; they want to avoid the real reason. Maybe in their twisted view of how family works, and I say "twisted" because none of this is biblical, in their minds this is the ideal situation (the youngest, single sibling taking care of the parents) but, on some level, perhaps they know this isn't right at all and are just turning a blind eye to feel guiltless (which may explain the "unfriending" on facebook); whatever the case actually is, their attitude is totally wrong.

Quote:

1 Timothy 5:3-8 (NIV)

3 Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. 4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. 5 The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help. 6 But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. 7 Give the people these instructions, so that no one may be open to blame. 8 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

The responsibility isn't just dumped on one child: what's right in God's eyes when the widow has had many children, is for all siblings to come together in a joint effort to help her out (and even grandchildren should help, not just your siblings). Your mother is not exactly a widow, but she has "lost" a spouse (put simply, she's been abandoned), so the principle remains the same: her children should help care for her needs because she has no other means to survive, especially when she's ill. In such a situation, it's not like she's wasting any help she receives on gambling, living in luxury, or seeking pleasure, nor being unappreciative of any time spent helping her (...or, is this an issue? do your siblings not get along with her? that could be very dissuading for a worldly person, but not for a believer). Though it's more understandable if your siblings are far away, in which case, trusted neighbors and close-by believers should be helping. Maybe it would help to find a physical church to go to (if you don't have one already)? Online fellowship can only do so much. We can't take care of you on a physical level.

Again, if your siblings aren't believers, then this reluctance to care for family/parents/fellow siblings shouldn't surprise you. Self-less service to others is an act only the spirit-led will commit to, not something worldly people will volunteer for. Even when times are tough, we're expected to still carry this out—cutting out entertainment or anything that brings us pleasure (dining out, going to the movies, buying new clothes, etc...), denying yourself for a while in order to meet another's basic needs. At least take comfort in knowing you're doing God's will.

Pray for your siblings, that their hearts be circumcised towards God, and if they are believers, then for them to repent. Sending those verses via whatever means possible could help because they really do need to repent; give them an incentive to do so, make it easy for them, they're not fooling you, much less God if this ("not helping family") is what's in their hearts. If they are not believers, then take a little precaution; I don't know if sending those verses would provoke them to anger, you know them better than I do, however if you think they would not react negatively, share those verses with them too. Christianity is about selfless-service towards others; getting all tangled up in the rest of theology, which they won't understand until they read as believers, is a waste of their time. Show them the practical side of Christianity. Regardless of whether they decide to help or not, this is a great opportunity to show them the power/grace of God and God's will on a matter; they know you're alone, and only by relying on God and fellow believers can you get through this. Show them how exactly a person who believes in God is suppose to live like—despite afflictions and trouble, we overcome them with the grace and help of God and his flock.

Another principle from this chapter that would be useful for you to apply is how the lonely should pray to God night and day, asking for help to fulfill their needs (verse 5, which I italicized). In verse 5, it's specifically referring to daily needs to survive, but I can imagine, since these were widows, they would pray for a husband or companionship too. Widows are single and alone; though you're not a widow, the same sense of being alone is shared in that verse. Make all your requests known to God and he will provide you with what you need—whether through another person, bringing companionship to you in some way, or giving you peace to deal with your situation, without the feeling of loneliness, though your mother may be the only other physical person there.

I don't mean to pry too much, and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, these could serve as questions of reflection, but do you have friends at school? or work? is there a church you could go to? or are you just at home caring for your mom and someone else is helping pay the bills? Those could be some other things to consider; worldly people for the most part only care about their own survival: so if the fear of losing money or their life (or pursuit of pleasure) is threatened by keeping in contact with you, they will more likely than not block you out of their life as much as their conscience allows, if they still have a conscience that is. Seek the companionship of fellow believers and ask God to bring to your surroundings like-minded people interested in serving others. Perhaps this guild is helping in some respect, but if something happens and you need help with your mom, at least a neighbor you can count on or a fellow believer close by would be a good thing to have. Pray for these things.  

[CheyenneServant]

real eyes realize

Jesuslittleprincess

I'm 17, have no friends because I spend my time taking care of my ill mother. My siblings have children of their own. But when I mention to them that I have no friends, and tell them that I see they don't talk to me, my siblings don't say anything, they change the subject. Odd? My brother who unfriended me on facebook, still uses his account and talks to my other siblings.
I know I shouldn't complain, but my family members (father left us, and ignores me) try to avoid me. No contact between us. They know I'm lonely.

Perhaps it's not you they're trying to avoid, but your mother; they may want to distance themselves from partaking in any of the responsibility that goes into caring for her. Hence why they change the subject when you bring up your loneliness; they want to avoid the real reason. Maybe in their twisted view of how family works, and I say "twisted" because none of this is biblical, in their minds this is the ideal situation (the youngest, single sibling taking care of the parents) but, on some level, perhaps they know this isn't right at all and are just turning a blind eye to feel guiltless (which may explain the "unfriending" on facebook); whatever the case actually is, their attitude is totally wrong.

Quote:

1 Timothy 5:3-8 (NIV)

3 Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. 4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. 5 The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help. 6 But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. 7 Give the people these instructions, so that no one may be open to blame. 8 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

The responsibility isn't just dumped on one child: what's right in God's eyes when the widow has had many children, is for all siblings to come together in a joint effort to help her out (and even grandchildren should help, not just your siblings). Your mother is not exactly a widow, but she has "lost" a spouse (put simply, she's been abandoned), so the principle remains the same: her children should help care for her needs because she has no other means to survive, especially when she's ill. In such a situation, it's not like she's wasting any help she receives on gambling, living in luxury, or seeking pleasure, nor being unappreciative of any time spent helping her (...or, is this an issue? do your siblings not get along with her? that could be very dissuading for a worldly person, but not for a believer). Though it's more understandable if your siblings are far away, in which case, trusted neighbors and close-by believers should be helping. Maybe it would help to find a physical church to go to (if you don't have one already)? Online fellowship can only do so much. We can't take care of you on a physical level.

Again, if your siblings aren't believers, then this reluctance to care for family/parents/fellow siblings shouldn't surprise you. Self-less service to others is an act only the spirit-led will commit to, not something worldly people will volunteer for. Even when times are tough, we're expected to still carry this out—cutting out entertainment or anything that brings us pleasure (dining out, going to the movies, buying new clothes, etc...), denying yourself for a while in order to meet another's basic needs. At least take comfort in knowing you're doing God's will.

Pray for your siblings, that their hearts be circumcised towards God, and if they are believers, then for them to repent. Sending those verses via whatever means possible could help because they really do need to repent; give them an incentive to do so, make it easy for them, they're not fooling you, much less God if this ("not helping family") is what's in their hearts. If they are not believers, then take a little precaution; I don't know if sending those verses would provoke them to anger, you know them better than I do, however if you think they would not react negatively, share those verses with them too. Christianity is about selfless-service towards others; getting all tangled up in the rest of theology, which they won't understand until they read as believers, is a waste of their time. Show them the practical side of Christianity. Regardless of whether they decide to help or not, this is a great opportunity to show them the power/grace of God and God's will on a matter; they know you're alone, and only by relying on God and fellow believers can you get through this. Show them how exactly a person who believes in God is suppose to live like—despite afflictions and trouble, we overcome them with the grace and help of God and his flock.

Another principle from this chapter that would be useful for you to apply is how the lonely should pray to God night and day, asking for help to fulfill their needs (verse 5, which I italicized). In verse 5, it's specifically referring to daily needs to survive, but I can imagine, since these were widows, they would pray for a husband or companionship too. Widows are single and alone; though you're not a widow, the same sense of being alone is shared in that verse. Make all your requests known to God and he will provide you with what you need—whether through another person, bringing companionship to you in some way, or giving you peace to deal with your situation, without the feeling of loneliness, though your mother may be the only other physical person there.

I don't mean to pry too much, and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, these could serve as questions of reflection, but do you have friends at school? or work? is there a church you could go to? or are you just at home caring for your mom and someone else is helping pay the bills? Those could be some other things to consider; worldly people for the most part only care about their own survival: so if the fear of losing money or their life (or pursuit of pleasure) is threatened by keeping in contact with you, they will more likely than not block you out of their life as much as their conscience allows, if they still have a conscience that is. Seek the companionship of fellow believers and ask God to bring to your surroundings like-minded people interested in serving others. Perhaps this guild is helping in some respect, but if something happens and you need help with your mom, at least a neighbor you can count on or a fellow believer close by would be a good thing to have. Pray for these things.

You really helped me see things in a new light. Thank you. I worry that most of my siblings are not saved.
My mom and I live frugally. To answers your questions: she doesn't waste money And I go to church but my mom is handicapped and never really leaves the house so she doesn't go. I'm in homestudy/out of school and I don't leave the house to make friends. At church I don't have any friends. I want to make them but it's hard. I had a few but not anymore. God has taken care us money wise. Did I answer all of your questions? if you have more, just ask. I really appreicate your help.  

[real eyes realize]

Jesuslittleprincess

You really helped me see things in a new light. Thank you. I worry that most of my siblings are not saved.
My mom and I live frugally. To answers your questions: she doesn't waste money And I go to church but my mom is handicapped and never really leaves the house so she doesn't go. I'm in homestudy/out of school and I don't leave the house to make friends. At church I don't have any friends. I want to make them but it's hard. I had a few but not anymore. God has taken care us money wise. Did I answer all of your questions? if you have more, just ask. I really appreicate your help.

Ah, I see. He always provides for those who trust in his name biggrin heart Keep praying for the rest of your family members; if they turn away from sin and seek our Heavenly Father out of a honest, genuine heart, nothing will snatch them from his hand. It's good to know your mom's a believer too; thank God you're not devoid of any fellowship. Wherever two gather in his name, he is there; your mom isn't out of the church body at all ^_^. Being in the midst of unbelieving people can be oppressive at times, even when they're not being condescending or talking about religion, it's just how they carry themselves and what comes out of their mouths. Glad that's not the case for you. : )