- - - ⊰ ▍E v e r y o n e ▍
- XXXXX ❝ Hi girls!
I had this huge problem where my friend and I had major feels for eachother, but couldn't go out because of outside forces.
This problem has been solved... kindof....
In one of the after-post updates I mentioned that my ex/first boyfriend/first crush/guy #1 in the post contacted me and apologized for everything that he did. I forgave him, and we became friends again. Then he got his feelings back for me, and I knew something bad was probably going to go down. We hung out at the local amusement park - just like I did with my best friend. While there he was able to remind me why I ever liked him in the first place, but he had changed. when we first spoke 2 weeks before that he was quiet and absolutely broken. he was back to the guy I knew but he was bolder, more mature, funnier, sweeter, and was so much more of a gentleman. I'm not one to fall for people easily, but I got my feelings back for him too.
that night his family took me out to dinner, but before that we stopped at his house for multiple reasons. while there he asked me - in person this time (which really influenced my answer) - if I would take him back. I said yes by instinct and we just had one of those hugs and I was so happy, until I remembered my best friend. I instantly felt bad because I had just broken his heart for what I discovered was the third time, the other two times being my going out with guys 3 and 4.
I still feel bad, but my female best friend made me realize that as long as I was happy, I made the right choice, and that if I continually chose other guys over him for relationships, it wasn't meant to be between us.
So now guy #1 and I are happy and stuff, and my best friend and I are still best friends, and we clairified that nothing relationship wise from that point on would happen between us.
My parents still don't know that we officially got back together, but they assume that we have. They have loved him since he first walked through that door, and him and my father have similar interests, which is great.
So in case you wanted to read what happened before the problem was solved, you can read it here.
First off, I apologize for the lengthiness of the question, but it involves a little bit of back story.
this spoiler is back story about my love life. It isn’t necessary to be able to answer the question, but it may provide a bit of insight needed to provide better advice.
I’ve never liked anyone before.
I’m almost a senior, and I’ve had 4 boyfriends.
#1: had the title of "together" for 6 months before our first date. we went to the same school, but never saw each other, never talked to each other, etc. he was afraid of being in public, he was afraid of my parents, he was afraid of screwing up, etc. Nothing happened. We never even held hands. We hugged only a few times. It was 9 months total before I cut it off and gave up.
#2: started going out April of 2012. Everything was perfectly fine until we kissed at an amusement park in late may of that year (my first kiss. Our first kiss. Not his first kiss). He kissed me. I said no. I pushed him away, he wouldnt stop. It was rape. I started avoiding him and talking to him less, but that was the only bad thing he did. The more I waited the more disgusted I was by him, and I finally broke up with him September of that year when school let back in, because I didn’t want to meet up with him over the summer just to break his heart. (And I was also afraid that if we weren’t in a public setting when I did it that he would get violent).
#3: about a month after #2 I had guys chasing me around, asking me to go to homecoming with them. I told them all no because i didnt want to get into another relationship so soon. They all left me alone after a few days, except for two persistent "dastards" who kept on doing it. One of those people was #3, the other was my best friend. They held hands with me, acted like we were together, etc. one of them even kissed my cheek. They went out of their way to get tickets to the dance, and both of them told everyone they were going with me. It was a battle for my affections, and I hated it. But my best friend knew that I did and he stopped. I picked #3 and it was the first relationship I was happy with. We would be hugging in the hallway and people would tell us to get a room - but we would never do anything more than hug or hold hands on occasion. It was exactly what I imagined love to be like, and I almost did start to have feelings for him, but a few weeks after we started going out, he broke up with me.
#4: the same day I started going out with #3, I found out that this guy liked me. He didn’t know I was in a relationship when he told me, and we had been pretty good friends for over 2 years. After #3 and I broke up, he waited for me for 5 months. During this time he was a total sweetheart, and mid-February of 2013 we started dating. I loved this relationship too. He was such a gentleman, and he was so funny and sweet. I loved his family, and his family loved me. I was really happy with him. He even introduced me to the church I now attend. Right after I started wondering whether or not I liked him I started thinking that perhaps his friends had gotten him to start doing bad things, like skipping school, and drugs. Late April during a lunch period that we had together we peacefully agreed to break up. We never got more intimate than holding hands or him putting his arm around me.
Now onto the best friend situation.
I have the greatest best friend in the world. He came into my life at the time when I needed someone most. He has always been there and has helped me whenever I needed him. We know everything about each other - probably more than we should - but no matter what happens or what is told we are always ok with each other. He is the first person i have ever been able to really trust. It’s great. We even have a contract that we wrote as a joke, but became really serious. I’ve never really had a best friend like this before, and right now the only thing that could make it better would be if he were a girl, because then we could have sleepovers :3
We have been friends for about 2 years now, and I’ve known that he likes me for about a year. We didn’t become best friends until around January of this year. So I pretty much knew that I could have been getting myself into a situation by being best friends with the only guy who I know has truly had the feels for me.
All of our friends want us to get together, but they have also been telling him to wait. Why? Because love triangle. My female best friend (who I am nowhere NEAR as close to as I am to him) likes him, and he likes me. So we got him to try giving a relationship with her a try, and it didn’t work. It lasted a few days. Now it’s a few weeks after that and she swears she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore, but nobody believes her.
But, while talking our conversations have been getting a little more intimate (nothing bad, I promise. I’m a good girl), and while physically together we have started doing things like holding hands and he would put his arm around my waist, etc. At a get together with our friends he sat next to me and we carried on our own little conversation and his arm was around me, and none of our friends made a big deal about it. It was no big deal to us. It felt natural. So even though our relationship has very obviously been growing stronger up to the point where we could go out, we havent done anything because neither of us wants to hurt her feelings.
The only thing that ever really bothered me about our friendship is the fact that I DIDNT like him like that. I had never had feelings for anyone before, and it bothered me because I felt like I couldn’t love. I felt like I lacked that crucial emotion. I wondered if I was heartless because I couldn’t love someone as amazing as him.
What happened:
So saturday (may 25) was going to be a particularly difficult day for the both of us. His male best friend’s mom passed away just a day or two before, and it was really affecting him, and it was the 6 year anniversary of one of my family members dying. To get our minds off of things we decided to go to the local amusement park and hang out all day. The day was really great, especially when he took the highway like an idiot, got stuck, and showed up an hour late, which I thought was the funniest thing in the world. We made little moves on each other like we always did. I kept on stopping him from doing those little moves because i knew it could go too far. He perceived it as playing hard to get and it may have made things worse.
It got a little chilly later on at night as people started leaving the park so I stole his jacket from him and wore it, and that’s when things took a turn. we joked that the jacket had some magical power that made it happen.
We went and saw a show, and we were waiting for it to start and having a conversation. An older woman came up to us, put her hand on my knee, and I looked up at her. She smiled at us and said "never lose that connection. it will really help". We said ok and thanked her but in our heads we were laughing and both of us wanted to say "we are just really close friends" but we didn’t and both of us thought it was so funny that she thought we were together.
Then we went and walked around the park some more, and we decided to go ride a certain ride. The line for the ride is like a dim cave. Not a whole lot of people ride this ride because it’s more of a show and it’s short and kind of boring, but the lines for everything else were so long that we went and rode this. Before we got there he asked a question about how I would play "hardest to get" so I responded by smirking and pushing his back up against a wall, and I kept walking, because there was no way I was going to continue that with so many people around. He was so in shock that it took him a few seconds to lean off of the wall and catch up to me. Right about when he did we went into the line for this ride.
We went in the line and it’s a long curvy hallway and there was nobody there. along the hallway he asked about what I just did to him and whether or not he thought correctly, so without saying anything I did it again, but a bit more forcefully, and instead of walking I lingered there with my body pressed against his and he just about died. I knew that if we were going to kiss it would be then (because we both pretty much knew that eventually we would). Luckily, he just killed the mood by pointing out that fact, so we stopped, rode the ride, and kept on walking around the park, no big deal. It was as if nothing had happened.
We were walking around after the situation with the ride and we got to a place where they keep animals, and all the animal exhibits were along the butterfly garden path. The animals had been put away for the night (though it was still light out and the park was open for another 3 hours) so nobody went along the path. I was walking a few feet ahead of him and I was about to turn the corner to exit the butterfly garden when he grabbed my arm and pulled me back a few feet to a point where nobody could see us. He pulled me into his arms and he just kind of leaned in a bit and a few second later we were... kissing... (*gasp!* SCANDAL). When that was over we just started hugging and we said "I love you" to each other which we did a lot so it’s not that big of a deal.
We left the area and we discreetly talked about what had just happened and I said "it’s very reminiscent" and he realized that it just may have stepped over the boundaries a bit when he immediately started shoving his tongue down my throat. He apologized, and no big deal.
Then we went back to the other ride because all of the lines for everything were really long still. Before we even got close to the front of the hallway he stopped again, backed up into a wall, and pulled me into his arms again. At first it was just a really romantic hug until we realized it was going to happen again and we inched towards each other for a second kiss. This one was nothing like the first. It was much sweeter and more romantic than his passionate rage as he started frenching me the first time. This one was cut short when we heard voices echoing down the hall. We acted like nothing happened as we just stopped doing that and kept walking.
When it came time to leave the park we hugged (and it was one of the best hugs I had ever had) and he asked if a small kiss would be ok. I said no, because my mother was already there and I knew that the visible aftermath of kissing is more easily seen than hidden. He respected that and didn’t do anything. We said our goodbyes and I walked up the hill to the parking lot where my mom was waiting.
Here are the problems:
I have never liked anyone before. I don’t know if I like him. I feel like I should, and he’s just so great, and I say “I love you” all the time, but I don’t know whether or not I really do love him. It bothers me because I feel like I should love him as much as he loves me. He’s been telling me he does for the longest time, and yesterday before we left he said “I think I really do love you” and happened to mention that he thinks I’m the love of his life. All i could say to that was "ok" and i feel so bad! Everyone else thinks I love him, but its either I don’t and I’m just hoping to, or I do and I won’t admit it.
Our friends want us to wait. We solved that by deciding not to tell anyone until we are sure about what’s going on.
The second kiss itself… I was scarred for life because of my first, and the second just was so unsatisfyingly short that it bothers me. What about him makes me like that all of a sudden?
What came over us? was it the fact we were alone and our love was acting on its own, or was it the need to have a loved one there because it just happened to be a day filled with grief that we were trying to get our minds off of? I heard that kissing someone for the first time around an event like that was bad juju...
What happens if we are in school and we want to kiss again? What happens if it just casually happens without us thinking about it? What happens if we try to sneak one in and our friends catch us BEFORE we can tell them about what happened?
Our friend. She says she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore, but none of us really believe her. I really don’t want to lose her because of this.
Are we going out? Should we be at this point? I asked him if this means we are and he said it’s ok if we don’t and that we shouldn’t until all of this is sorted out.
Telling my family… I’m white and I grew up in a racist family. He is black. Of the four guys I have dated, 3 of them were considered “colored”: 2 of Mexican descent, and one of Filipino descent, but they all looked white. My best friend is black, and looks mixed on the darker side. I know I shouldn’t worry about it because its love and love is colorblind, but I feel like I’m betraying my family’s beliefs. What if they get mad? I can’t move out for another year - until i graduate. I don’t want to have to deal with more teasing and anger over this. My parents have enough on their plate right now. What happens when they find out their golden child is dating a black guy?
What would you do about this girls? Any advice?
Again, im sorry about the length, but thank you for reading whatever you did! :3
Thank you ~ Kaela
Here are some updates that could fill in whats happened over the last few days. This may or may not change answers.
5-29-13~ after school today i went to a friends house to work on a project. There was 7 of us there. We kept on making public small moves on eachother, and gradually people left until it was just me, him, and the friend whose house we were at. We were watching TV. She went to the bathroom, we looked at eachother and said "oh god... we didnt think this through". We inched towards eachother (which NEITHER of us understand) and just before we kissed i said "just a little one". we kissed and then a few moments after we went back to our normal positions our friend came back. The friend was the girl who had a crush on him ... she didnt see anything, she didnt suspect anything, but i still feel bad because though we talked to her tons of times, neither of us believe her...
5-28-13~ #1 and i kept on talking and stuff. my best friend felt threatened, and he even told me to go out with #1, and said "Why dont you just go and get lovvins from him!". I told him that #1 and I werent going to go back out, because of timing in the school year, and what was going on between me and him. he didnt believe me. at the end of the school day we walked out of the building holding hands. one of our friends saw us, gasped, asked if he could be the flower girl and best man, and then tried to make us kiss. I told him that we werent together, and he looked genuinely shocked.
5-27-13~ I Was writing my essay. He was keeping my company over skype, and all of a sudden my facebook goes off, and its beaux #1, begging for my forgiveness... I forgave him a long time ago, and i told him that. We became friends again, because im too nice of a person to turn down someone who was so legitimate in his apology.
5-26-13~ we texted all day long, and after i realized i couldnt type my essay and text at the same time it moved to skype. We talked alot about what happened the day before and what we would be doing about it in the days to come, and we both realized that the second kiss was unsatisfyingly short, and we wanted more whether or not we knew it. We joked about the fact that the only weird thing about it was the fact that we didnt think it was weird, and that we both liked it. That was his first kiss, and it was something i wanted to consider as mine. We decided that if our friends ever do find out, we arent talking about the first one, and are treating the second as our first. Just the day before i spent 9 hours with him, and during that time he was always right next to me, and we had a hand to hold, or a person to hug and just the day after we didnt. I dont know if he was like this too, but i was jumpy as hell. I missed him so much. Every time we said "i love you" after saying something stupid (like we always do) he kept saying i said it with a different tone. Do i really love him? EEEP *blush blush*
