I don't really know where to begin but I hope I can sort things out clear enough.
1. My age, body type and Schooling
I am twenty years old, I'm 5'10 and I have a shapely 300lbs figure on a thick muscular frame. [Don't get me wrong I love my figure I don't look my weight and I love being tall. My co-workers and family aren't so content though.] I have attended college since I was eighteen, studying fashion design and trying to get my associates degree. Like most schools it's summer break and I chose not to take summer classes.
2. Home Life
In my family it's somehow become my job to sacrifice for the family. I do all the household chores and take care of everyone's needs. [Keep in mind that I only live with my mother and older brother.] I sleep on a mattress on the floor of the living room, and my closet is a converted broom closet because unfortunately the place my mother chose for us to live in only has two bedrooms. I have currently discarded and donated half of the belongings I used to fit into my former room for the sake of having a clean sophisticated looking home, because my mother said I am a hoarder. [The only thing I ever kept more than the needed amount of was hospital bracelets, I don't collect them anymore because there's not purpose in remembering someone I lost there.] Everyday after work I come home to a dirty house waiting for me to clean it, but before I clean I have to start dinner, take the dog out and place more hot drinks in the fridge to cool down. Once all that is done I have to get everything and anything my mother wants from the kitchen, if I fall asleep early she will wake me up just to go get whatever it is. In the case of my brother what ever I'm eating is his, if he wants it, my mother tends to eat her fill but doesn't leave much so I keep lying to my brother about eating when I haven't. [Aside from the limited food intake, my mother keeps mentioning how I'm gaining weight, and getting lazier.] When it's finally time to sleep I must make sure everyone's lights, televisions and fans are off, then I have to make sure they aren't wearing their glasses or sleeping on their phones before covering them with a blanket properly and sneaking out of the room. I sleep most nights around eleven and have to wake up promptly at six am to make breakfast and lunches, I then help my mother dress and my brother prepare his work bag before starting my routine for getting ready for work.
3.Work
I get dropped off at or nearby work around seven forty five in the morning. [I don't eat breakfast because I tend to get sick if I eat before ten am] I work in a warehouse keeping track of inventory and adding to it for eight hours a day, our two breaks are ten minutes each and our lunch is half of an hour so that our maximum output is roughly twenty thousand per grouped section, a month. I get along with most workers but they can't help but compare me to my older brother who is currently a director within the company. They have this idea that I think I can get away with what ever I want so they insult me and test me constantly. I have one person who constantly asks my manager if I'm even doing my job, pretty much every five minutes when he passes by to collect out going shipments. When I finally asked if he was a broken record or something, he complained to my manager threatening to give us crappy inventory and in turn my manager threatened not only to switch me to delivery dock but also make sure I'm a lifter. The only problem with that is that he'd have to train someone new to fill my spot and he's to lazy to do that, but now because of the a** who insulted me I'm not allowed to speak to anyone who does not address me first that includes my fellow inventory checker and quality control person. So I must not utter a word, just sit there and play nice or get my pay docked for unnecessary talking. [Naturally you'd think just quit then, but sadly I need to pay rent now so the money is highly needed and its in the handbook that I can have my pay docked if my manager provides proof that I'm not doing my job according to the rules stated in the handbook.] My family thinks I like my job because they don't really know how I look or act when I'm truly happy, because they have never seen it.
4. Love life
It's probably long gone by now, since I don't have a social life. The last person I was physically or emotionally involved with doesn't see me as datable because I'm not his type and he sees me as one of the boys. We've had cute moments, cuddly moment and moments where you think if he would just kiss me I'd die happy, but he won't. He just welcomed a son into his life and I couldn't be happier but rather than letting me help him take care of him, he's chosen to stay away from me more because his son's mother hates me and says I can't be around the baby or she will take him away. [It's really complicated but he doesn't want to fight over his son so he just does what the girl says.] I haven't heard from him since a few days ago when he asked why I wasn't dating anyone yet, because he heard a guy was hitting on me. At first I thought it was because maybe he was wondering if I really meant what I said about waiting for him but then he started saying maybe I should lighten up, lose a few pounds and stop wearing high heels. It really hurt considering I really trusted him to be one of the people who would never judge me harshly, I hung up on him which I don't regret but I so badly wonder what changed in him that made him think he wouldn't strike a nerve. [Which I found out when another friend let me know that the one I liked was pissed off that I hung up on him like a bi*ch]
5. Where my head is now
I'm officially at the lowest point in my life I've ever been at. I keep none of my check because I pay the bills my mother stopped paying. I hate the quiet at work, it makes me feel like I'm totally alone in an insufferable hell. Then when I come home I feel like I'm just occupying temporary space, that my mother wouldn't hesitate to get rid of me in a heartbeat. I miss my grandma and I want to cry so badly but if I'm caught crying I only get treated worse. I'm so tired of waking up and everyday it feels like more and more expectations are pushed on me and I can't keep up.
1. My age, body type and Schooling
I am twenty years old, I'm 5'10 and I have a shapely 300lbs figure on a thick muscular frame. [Don't get me wrong I love my figure I don't look my weight and I love being tall. My co-workers and family aren't so content though.] I have attended college since I was eighteen, studying fashion design and trying to get my associates degree. Like most schools it's summer break and I chose not to take summer classes.
2. Home Life
In my family it's somehow become my job to sacrifice for the family. I do all the household chores and take care of everyone's needs. [Keep in mind that I only live with my mother and older brother.] I sleep on a mattress on the floor of the living room, and my closet is a converted broom closet because unfortunately the place my mother chose for us to live in only has two bedrooms. I have currently discarded and donated half of the belongings I used to fit into my former room for the sake of having a clean sophisticated looking home, because my mother said I am a hoarder. [The only thing I ever kept more than the needed amount of was hospital bracelets, I don't collect them anymore because there's not purpose in remembering someone I lost there.] Everyday after work I come home to a dirty house waiting for me to clean it, but before I clean I have to start dinner, take the dog out and place more hot drinks in the fridge to cool down. Once all that is done I have to get everything and anything my mother wants from the kitchen, if I fall asleep early she will wake me up just to go get whatever it is. In the case of my brother what ever I'm eating is his, if he wants it, my mother tends to eat her fill but doesn't leave much so I keep lying to my brother about eating when I haven't. [Aside from the limited food intake, my mother keeps mentioning how I'm gaining weight, and getting lazier.] When it's finally time to sleep I must make sure everyone's lights, televisions and fans are off, then I have to make sure they aren't wearing their glasses or sleeping on their phones before covering them with a blanket properly and sneaking out of the room. I sleep most nights around eleven and have to wake up promptly at six am to make breakfast and lunches, I then help my mother dress and my brother prepare his work bag before starting my routine for getting ready for work.
3.Work
I get dropped off at or nearby work around seven forty five in the morning. [I don't eat breakfast because I tend to get sick if I eat before ten am] I work in a warehouse keeping track of inventory and adding to it for eight hours a day, our two breaks are ten minutes each and our lunch is half of an hour so that our maximum output is roughly twenty thousand per grouped section, a month. I get along with most workers but they can't help but compare me to my older brother who is currently a director within the company. They have this idea that I think I can get away with what ever I want so they insult me and test me constantly. I have one person who constantly asks my manager if I'm even doing my job, pretty much every five minutes when he passes by to collect out going shipments. When I finally asked if he was a broken record or something, he complained to my manager threatening to give us crappy inventory and in turn my manager threatened not only to switch me to delivery dock but also make sure I'm a lifter. The only problem with that is that he'd have to train someone new to fill my spot and he's to lazy to do that, but now because of the a** who insulted me I'm not allowed to speak to anyone who does not address me first that includes my fellow inventory checker and quality control person. So I must not utter a word, just sit there and play nice or get my pay docked for unnecessary talking. [Naturally you'd think just quit then, but sadly I need to pay rent now so the money is highly needed and its in the handbook that I can have my pay docked if my manager provides proof that I'm not doing my job according to the rules stated in the handbook.] My family thinks I like my job because they don't really know how I look or act when I'm truly happy, because they have never seen it.
4. Love life
It's probably long gone by now, since I don't have a social life. The last person I was physically or emotionally involved with doesn't see me as datable because I'm not his type and he sees me as one of the boys. We've had cute moments, cuddly moment and moments where you think if he would just kiss me I'd die happy, but he won't. He just welcomed a son into his life and I couldn't be happier but rather than letting me help him take care of him, he's chosen to stay away from me more because his son's mother hates me and says I can't be around the baby or she will take him away. [It's really complicated but he doesn't want to fight over his son so he just does what the girl says.] I haven't heard from him since a few days ago when he asked why I wasn't dating anyone yet, because he heard a guy was hitting on me. At first I thought it was because maybe he was wondering if I really meant what I said about waiting for him but then he started saying maybe I should lighten up, lose a few pounds and stop wearing high heels. It really hurt considering I really trusted him to be one of the people who would never judge me harshly, I hung up on him which I don't regret but I so badly wonder what changed in him that made him think he wouldn't strike a nerve. [Which I found out when another friend let me know that the one I liked was pissed off that I hung up on him like a bi*ch]
5. Where my head is now
I'm officially at the lowest point in my life I've ever been at. I keep none of my check because I pay the bills my mother stopped paying. I hate the quiet at work, it makes me feel like I'm totally alone in an insufferable hell. Then when I come home I feel like I'm just occupying temporary space, that my mother wouldn't hesitate to get rid of me in a heartbeat. I miss my grandma and I want to cry so badly but if I'm caught crying I only get treated worse. I'm so tired of waking up and everyday it feels like more and more expectations are pushed on me and I can't keep up.
