i have a kinda odd question

[Iz-a-good-Kitty-Kitty]

is it a good idea to get married at 17 or 18 years old ?
if not why  

[Clasela]

✿
Back in the early 1900s, half the population was married by the age of twenty.
It's all a matter of opinion these days and it really comes down to the people involved.
✿

 

[you are my disease]

Usually the answer is a big NO!
A normal human is not fully mature mentally until around 24 years of age. For some.. it's more like 50something -.-"

But for some people it works out, I know a few couples who started dating in middle school, got married when they graduated high school, and have been together for 30+ years. But that is a really really rare thing.

I think it is a good idea to live together for at least a year before getting engaged, nevermind married. Just to make sure that you are compatible in more than just a romantic sense. Can you balance your finances? Can you live together without fighting over things like who cooks, cleans, walks the dogs, etc? You find out a lot about a person after you live with them for a certain amount of time. For the first few months, they will be on their best behavior, but after awhile, they will be more of themselves. And you have to make sure that you are capable of handling them at their worse. Can you handle them when they are having a bad day?

etc, etc

 

[Iz-a-good-Kitty-Kitty]

you are my disease

Usually the answer is a big NO!
A normal human is not fully mature mentally until around 24 years of age. For some.. it's more like 50something -.-"

But for some people it works out, I know a few couples who started dating in middle school, got married when they graduated high school, and have been together for 30+ years. But that is a really really rare thing.

I think it is a good idea to live together for at least a year before getting engaged, nevermind married. Just to make sure that you are compatible in more than just a romantic sense. Can you balance your finances? Can you live together without fighting over things like who cooks, cleans, walks the dogs, etc? You find out a lot about a person after you live with them for a certain amount of time. For the first few months, they will be on their best behavior, but after awhile, they will be more of themselves. And you have to make sure that you are capable of handling them at their worse. Can you handle them when they are having a bad day?

etc, etc

we have been together for 3 years now. He might be moving in with me and my family soon we have known eachother for 6 years. we be came friends first and for 3 years thats all we were was friends now we are dating and he has been hinting about moving forward with our relationship

and for you asking if i can handle him when he is have a bad day. that answer is Yes!! i have been there for him through alot of stuff even the darkest time in his life so far his older sister died at the age of 23 a year and half ago i have helped him trough that and all the family issues we both have had

and we work together very well  

[Aquatic_blue]

Iz-a-good-Kitty-Kitty

is it a good idea to get married at 17 or 18 years old ?
if not why

This is not an odd question at all smile

If both of you are truly committed to this relationship and talk together about how you will do financially and make sure you're both okay with it, and also realize the responsibilities of marriage then I don't see why it would be a problem to become married at 17 or 18. At 17 (if you're in the states, I'm sure you'd need a parent to sign). At 18 in most states, you can get married because you're a legal adult - some states it may be 21.

It's great that you've gotten to know each other through your good times and your bad times and have remained together for many years smile it's great to see how people are during their ups and downs. Also, getting engaged is one step before married so if you were to become engaged, you can put off the wedding for a few months, a year, or many years.

I got married at a young age, but I was over 18 and younger than 24. A lot of people kept telling me that I was so young and yes, I was young and still am young. My parents were shocked because my husband and I dated for a month, he proposed, I said yes, and we got married legally (the whole court thing) 5 months later, and had a church ceremony for family/friends 2 months after that. It moved too fast for my parents because they felt we should have dated longer and during a rough patch in our marriage I thought, "That probably would have been a good idea so that I could see him on good days, bad days, and through every season of the year). However, we have almost been married for 3 years and hope for many more together! So, I give you kudos for taking your time - taking your time is definitely a good thing in a relationship!

*If you become a young bride according to society's standards (generally younger than 25 years of age) - I offer you a few pointers:

-There will be people who will support you and there will be people that will tell you to wait it out a few more years because you are so young or they believe you are too young. The decision of taking your own relationship to the next step is not the decision of those around you, but you and your partners decision alone and be sure you are ready for it and make sure you are going into a marriage without any doubt in your heart or mind.

-When engaged, don't be shy to talk about personal topics like having children and how many children you both want (if you both want any children). The children question is always important because it can tear a marriage apart if one person wants children and the other person doesn't. Don't be afraid to discuss what happens if you both can't physically have children - will you adopt? Discuss how often you feel you would expect sex from each other so that when you are married it won't be a surprise. Talk about deep details such as these that can make or break a relationship. If you both can talk through these details truthfully, express what's on your minds, and are great at communication then that works best! Questions such as these also not only communicate expectations in a relationship, but also see how well you communicate and how you are able to reach a decision together.

-If there is a chance after marriage that something goes wrong in your relationship such as a rough patch - sometimes people will give you the, "I told you so," card and rub it in your face. Don't let this discourage you. During a rough patch I went through with my husband, some people said, "We were telling you that you two should've dated longer..." and, "We thought you both got married kinda quick..." and this type of thing discouraged me rather than encouraged me. (I'm not saying these are bad people, I think they have just been having a hard time accepting that I am married and don't want me to get hurt). Don't let others discourage you, instead focus on solving the issue in your marriage with your spouse.

-Keep the spark going after you're married. Go on dates, do the things you enjoy together, laugh together, make sure to talk each day, surprise each other perhaps with a gift or a handmade card or something more intimate. Continue to be creative! Sometimes time might seem to be cut down because of perhaps work or school, but try and find time to spend together! Quality time as a couple is important!

-Marriage does take work! When I got married, I thought, "I'm with the one I love for the rest of my life! Every day is going to be easy sailing!" I didn't think that we would ever get into an argument ever. I thought that we were that special couple that would never have a dispute. I was wrong, of course. We had our good and bad times. I had gotten lazy and selfish at a point- I wasn't doing the house chores and my husband was coming home at the end of his work day to a dirty house (that added a lot of stress on him because he knew if he didn't do it - it wouldn't get done). I would say, "I'm not a maid!" or, "What about what we agreed about doing the chores 50/50?!" To tell you the truth: never expect chores to be done 50/50. We said this before we were married and it didn't work out that way because he had generally been more busy with work/school than I was. Sometimes it'll be more like 75/25 depending who has more time. If he is the one with the job and you are at home, then doing chores at home would make sense while he is working. If it's the other way around so be it. If you both work, then find out together how chores will get done. Keep a good spirit about you and a light heart filled with kindness. Be willing to help out with an extra chore or do a few of his chores because you had the spare time without becoming resentful or taking it as a, "He owes me." Laziness, selfishness, dishonesty, etc. will kill a marriage from the inside out.

-Going to bed at the same time as your spouse can make all the difference! It's important bonding time to be able to kiss each other and say, "Good night." or get some last minute thoughts off of your mind. Perhaps being up in the morning to kiss him before he heads to work or make him breakfast can give both your days a great start!

-When you sit down and talk, try your best not to complain about your day - instead be positive! Negativity can drag down a marriage as well. I have been a pessimist most of my life and my husband is the optimist. I am learning optimism and it's hard to leave the pessimism habit behind, but I like positive better ^_^

-Sometimes when people are married - there will eventually be things that we find annoying. Perhaps your husband leaves his dirty clothes around the house or directly beside the laundry basket. Perhaps it drives him crazy that you organize the cabinets a certain way. (hypothetically speaking). The best thing to do is deal with it - realize you married this person not to change them, but because you love them. I will say, "Do not nag your husband!" If he leaves the toilet seat up for example and you always nag him about it by telling him not to do that, or making jokes about it (rudely poking fun at him) that he is less likely to change and will more than likely continue the behavior. I am not sure why this is, but men generally shut down their minds at the nagging. I used to nag at him that he shouldn't do this, or do more of that, etc. I came across many articles saying not to nag your husband if you want him to make a change. I haven't nagged for weeks and see a positive change in our relationship. Without my negative nagging - he probably has more breathing space and positive thoughts.

-You may lose your friends. If you do lose friends, it'll more than likely be your single friends or friends that wish they were single. I lost the majority of my single friends within the first year after I was married. It was difficult to deal with because some of these people I had known for years. If you do have single friends, they may not understand that your commitment to your husband comes first. This can be difficult on both people, but remember that your commitment is to your husband first.

-Be aware of toxic friends. This is a worst case scenario and generally these people are single friends or friends that wish to be single. Not that it's bad to have single friends - there are some that will try to separate you and your spouse because they are jealous that you both have a happy marriage. It's okay for you to have a girl's night out and him a guy's night out, just be aware of friends that are toxic. My husband and I have dealt with this situation before and it broke our marriage down within 6 months time and a divorce almost happened. Luckily it didn't happen, we both were separated from some time (me in one location, him in another) and still married, we both hung out, we both went back to our home, and we have been shutting out this toxic friend and they are going down swinging (trying to contact us any way possible), and our marriage is healing. I feel that I should bring this up because not many people are aware that a toxic friend can hurt a marriage and cause a divorce to happen and when people realize this - sometimes a divorce is almost final or has already happened.

*Signs of a toxic friend:

~Friends that take over as much free time from one spouse as possible. (generally these friends will request free time from one spouse and even if the other spouse comes along, too - it may feel distanced. They generally take up so much free time that you and your husband will not get the alone, quality time together in your marriage. Sometimes these friends purposely try to separate a couple, but a lot of times these friends are single and feel lonely that you found someone that you spend most of your time with instead of them so they try to take up all of your time, or are looking for a buddy to hang out with).

~Friends that encourage a married person to have a one night stand, a fling, or to cheat on their spouse. (A lot of single people are looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend or someone to have a one night fling with and they will want you to join in this activity with them sometimes so they can break apart your marriage, and sometimes because they don't want to go by themselves).

~Well-meaning friends can be toxic by giving bad advice to one spouse. (Sometimes one spouse while hanging out with this toxic friend will want to vent about their married troubles and the friend is only hearing one side of the story or has a bias for one spouse. In this case, the spouse may purposefully or unpurposefully be giving bad advice to one spouse and if the spouse follows it, the results can be ugly. Unfortunately, I know this problem too well and lived it first hand - it can be devastating in a marriage).

~Friends may put financial pressure on a marriage. (Some toxic friends will have the belief that everyone is as financially secure as they are if not more financially secure since they are married. Thus, these friends may want to spend money to do things when the one or both spouses irresponsibly spend their money for their friends sake. Remember your married financial obligations first).

*I enjoy talking about marriage topics and such. Feel free to PM me if ya like smile  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

I just feel it's too young.. But, you know in very ancient time some girls get married at 16 because the life expectancy was like 40 years...