Jealous.

[xXNi-ChanXx]

I a very jealous type person.
I envy those that have what I want or wish that I had.

Today, my friend came back by to pick me up after I told her I couldn't go on her because the pass I was using wasn't mines and it had been cut off.
After I asked for the fifth time why is she picking me up and why did she try so hard to get me to go with her.
It turned out that she is pregnant with her second child and wanted me to go alone on her clinic appointment.

Well as soon as we arrived at the clinic and were basically waiting her turn.
I starts to feel this pang of jealously after seeing her utlra sound and how the doctor kept telling her that her baby is still like a small bean and that you can faintly hear the heart beat. As well as its going to be a heathly baby and such.

I know its a silly thing to be jealous about...
Even my boyfriend laughed abit and asked why was I jealous when I could have a baby myself...
I know I can... but I know I am not ready for it... I am still in school, still live with my mom and I am unemployed. I know having a baby is alot of responsibility and is a two person thing.
I even told my friend that if I do get pregnant and I see the father as an unfit father and have a strong feeling that he will walk out that I WILL make him sign papers saying he will lose all parental rights to the baby.(as harsh as it sounds I will do it. I will make sure the father signs it.)
Or
I will give up the child for adoption, if I feel like I won't be a fit mother nor the father and maybe hope that they will get a better life with another couple that truly want a child.

I know it seems very cold hearted and everything but I am just realistic like that really... Even so I still feel that small pang of jealousy that she is having her second child when I havent even had my first child...

Is it really a silly thing to be jealous of?
I am happy for her and I am happy that her baby will be a health one. I am happy that I am going to be an aunt to another child of hers... But I can't help being a bit jealous of her even though I know better and that bring a child into this world will be the biggest mistake...

I just need to let this out...
No need to take the time to reply to this...

 

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

xXNi-ChanXx

I a very jealous type person.
I envy those that have what I want or wish that I had.

Today, my friend came back by to pick me up after I told her I couldn't go on her because the pass I was using wasn't mines and it had been cut off.
After I asked for the fifth time why is she picking me up and why did she try so hard to get me to go with her.
It turned out that she is pregnant with her second child and wanted me to go alone on her clinic appointment.

Well as soon as we arrived at the clinic and were basically waiting her turn.
I starts to feel this pang of jealously after seeing her utlra sound and how the doctor kept telling her that her baby is still like a small bean and that you can faintly hear the heart beat. As well as its going to be a heathly baby and such.

I know its a silly thing to be jealous about...
Even my boyfriend laughed abit and asked why was I jealous when I could have a baby myself...
I know I can... but I know I am not ready for it... I am still in school, still live with my mom and I am unemployed. I know having a baby is alot of responsibility and is a two person thing.
I even told my friend that if I do get pregnant and I see the father as an unfit father and have a strong feeling that he will walk out that I WILL make him sign papers saying he will lose all parental rights to the baby.(as harsh as it sounds I will do it. I will make sure the father signs it.)
Or
I will give up the child for adoption, if I feel like I won't be a fit mother nor the father and maybe hope that they will get a better life with another couple that truly want a child.

I know it seems very cold hearted and everything but I am just realistic like that really... Even so I still feel that small pang of jealousy that she is having her second child when I havent even had my first child...

Is it really a silly thing to be jealous of?
I am happy for her and I am happy that her baby will be a health one. I am happy that I am going to be an aunt to another child of hers... But I can't help being a bit jealous of her even though I know better and that bring a child into this world will be the biggest mistake...

I just need to let this out...
No need to take the time to reply to this...

It happens me too to be jealous, but I have to let it go in the end. Like, I must stop think about what I don't have , stop comparing and just focus to my goals... etc..  

[xXNi-ChanXx]

Chemism

xXNi-ChanXx

When I see adorable children at the park, It makes me wish I also had a child, but when I babysit I'm glad I don't have any.(Just think what it does to your body!!) rofl Anyway, there's really no need to be jealous, you'll have your own kid when you're ready for it. wink

Hah, yea I have seen how intend to act in public and all that comes to mind is, "I am thankful I don't have a child yet..."
I know... I know its a silly thing to be jealous about but it does get me a bit jealous... I am just hoping this Monday my friend doesn't drag me with her to the clinic...  

[xXNi-ChanXx]

XxAriaxX

It happens me too to be jealous, but I have to let it go in the end. Like, I must stop think about what I don't have , stop comparing and just focus to my goals... etc..

Yea... Thats what I usually do too...